Every child is extremely eager to be appreciated by their parents, and some children even work hard to please their parents all their lives, hoping to get their parents' approval and encouragement.
After watching an old movie "The Sixth Sense of The Spirit", the most touching scene in the film is that the little boy who can see the ghost tells his mother that he can see the deceased grandmother, and one day, he asks his mother: "You once went to your grandmother's grave and asked her a question, and she said that the answer was every day." What did you ask her? ”
Mom said the question she'd always wanted to ask: "I... Did it make her proud? ”
The boy said, "Grandma asked me to tell you that she had seen you dancing, and she said you had a fight with her when you were a child, and you thought she didn't want to see you dancing." She went to see it. She hid behind, you didn't see her, she said you look like an angel..."
When my mother heard this, she couldn't cry.
Children need encouragement, just as plants need water.
Parents' appreciation and encouragement of their children are often the driving force for their children's growth.
Dale Carnegie wrote in The Weakness of Human Nature:
People are born to like to be encouraged, and treating children in this way can make children grow up in a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, gain self-confidence, and thus become better.
Children who are constantly recognized and encouraged are likely to grow in a good direction, full of confidence and courage in their hearts.
Educate your child and don't skimp on your encouragement too much.
01
"I know it's hard, but it's only temporary"
Last year, a 9-year-old girl in Xi'an jumped from the 15th floor because she couldn't complete her homework on time.
In her suicide note, she wrote:
"Mom, I'm sorry, it was my decision."
"Why can't I do anything?"
What crushed this child was not homework, but her frustration and powerlessness had not been seen and understood by adults, and with too many denials and blows at home and school, her heart had long been devoid of energy.
Children without energy and hope are the most likely to collapse.
Encourage the child, if you just make him work hard, do not talk about the child's inner experience and feelings, it is difficult to have an effect.
There is a very popular saying on the Internet: people only care about whether you fly high or not, no one cares whether you are tired or not.
Children also crave understanding when they are tired. Understanding the child is not to be infinitely tolerant of the child, but to acknowledge the rationality of the child's negative feelings such as anger, sadness, and disappointment.
So the first step in encouraging a child is to see the child, to accept their feelings, to see his fears, to see his struggles.
Tell the child: "I know you are sad, let's find a way together". That feeling of being recognized and accepted will really push your child to make positive changes.
02
"You work hard, you... Well done."
Many parents will often lament how other people's children are so good, and what their children do not do well.
Parents should learn to be proud of their ordinary children. Even if your child has bad grades and is a bit naughty, but from another point of view, you can see the other side of the child, such as he is very kind, very considerate, very hardworking...
Every child is unique in the world, and it is necessary to see the child's strengths, the details of the good work, and the efforts they put in.
For example, today's children encounter a lot of problems in doing homework, writing very slowly, and making many mistakes, you can say: "It doesn't matter, today's homework you write very dedicated, and the writing is very neat!" ”
It is important for children to recognize the process and details, so that next time he will pay attention to the process, through the effort to change the final result, develop a growth mindset.
03
"You can fail, but we can do it again"
At the scene of a balance car race in a certain place in Henan, a little girl was reprimanded by her mother for running the countdown:
"What face do you have to cry?" The whole time it's on that corner! ”
Then he kept tapping the helmet on the girl's head with his hand.
The little girl stood there trembling and began to cry incessantly.
"The last bend is still super, what do you think!" yes? What do you think! ”
The girl replied with tears in her eyes, "I'll run well next time." ”
Looking at the child's pitiful appearance, it was very painful.
As parents, we are sometimes more afraid of facing failure than our children.
Can't see the child's progress, can't see the child's efforts, only look at the results, and then use a certain result to completely deny and hit the child.
In fact, the bottom child is more upset than the adult, and what they need most is the hug and comfort, support and encouragement of their parents.
If adults can't look at failure and success normally, then children will become more and more nervous and slowly have no way to face failure.
Hoping that children will succeed is the voice of all parents, but teaching children how to face setbacks and failures is a lesson that cannot be escaped on the road of education.
04
"I will always love you anyway"
In the picture book "David Can't", David is very naughty every day, and the sentence his mother says to him the most is: No.
One day he broke his mother's beloved vase. He was frightened, and curled up pitifully in the corner, the color full of guilt.
Mom found out, and this time, she took him in her arms and told him:
"David, I love you".
This sentence, "I love you," is the warmest sentence in the whole book.
In fact, our children are like David, they will run into trouble, they will experience all kinds of setbacks, they will have all kinds of situations, we can criticize, we can educate, but don't forget to tell him: "I don't like your behavior, but I will always love you." ”
Love is the premise of education and the greatest force to change children. When a child grows up, he can feel that no matter how I behave, my parents will love me, and the child's heart will be full of security, which is the key to enhancing the sense of self-worth.
With the love of parents behind, children are fearless no matter what they encounter outside.