Ninety-nine out of a thousand education comes down to parents.
Some time ago, I accidentally watched a program called "Wilderness Talks".
In the program, Peking University talented girl Li Xueqin told the following things:
When she was in high school, once, at a parent-teacher meeting, the head teacher found Li Xueqin's mother and said:
"Do you peek at Li Xueqin's phone and see which boy she texts every night?"
So, that night, as soon as Li Xueqin returned to the bedroom, she saw her mother sitting on her bed.
But what she didn't expect was that after her mother saw her, she said with a serious face:
"Daughter, I want to apologize to you."
Seeing Li Xueqin's unexplained look, her mother then explained:
"Today your head teacher asked me to look at your phone, but I promise that the moment I clicked on the "Info" icon, I turned it off and didn't see a single one.
But I feel very guilty, and I solemnly apologize to you here, I should not have done such a thing. ”
This little thing left a deep impression on Li Xueqin, and she said frankly:
"I was touched by this scene, she (my mother) didn't even watch it, and I wouldn't know it, but she still apologized to me. So I still stay with my mom and I am very comfortable. ”
Similarly, Li Xueqin's father also gave her absolute support and respect.
When Li Xueqin was a child, she was a very naughty child and was often invited by teachers to parents.
At that time, her elementary school homeroom teacher had a philosophy that "a small tree cannot be repaired or straightened".
However, when Li Xueqin's father heard this, he retorted:
"Teacher, I think as long as the little tree does not grow crooked, there is no problem in growing branches."
In a small county town with relatively traditional ideas, Dad's words are tantamount to thunder, so much so that it is still widely spread in the circle of friends and relatives today.
Even the guests present listened and sighed that Li Xueqin has a great father.
To be honest, after watching this show, I realized more deeply:
It is not only education that is a serious preaching to children, every interaction in life is actually education.
No child is born with excellence, but it is the support of parents day and night.
And in the matter of educating children, parents often only have one chance, what kind of education you give your child, the child will give back to you what kind of results -
01
- The next policy of education depends on the fist.
There was such a set of photos that left a deep impression on me:
In a hidden corner, there is a place where children use to vent their troubles, and there are three big words written on it:
Wall of Voices.
On this wall of voices, there are all kinds of sentences full of anger and hatred:
"It's abominable."
"Close your mother's head."
"Think of it, think of hating you and yourself."
What makes a child's mind so twisted?
In fact, it is precisely because of a "beating table":
Once the mother hits herself, the child makes a note; Dad hit him once, and he also made a note.
Behind these dense "positive" characters is the unwillingness and tears of a child after being beaten countless times.
In the eyes of this child, he is just a poor worm that no one loves.
So, he wrote the coldest sentence in the most immature font:
"Let's kill yourself."
How many parents, under the guise of "good people under the yellow wattle", shake their fists as soon as they see their children making mistakes.
Repeat the offense and hit again, thinking that if you do this, the child will have a long memory and will get better and better.
But I didn't know that the child who suffered from skin and flesh did not learn a lesson, but the hatred of confrontation with his parents, and the shadow and pain that could not be shaken off for a lifetime.
Some time ago, I brushed a hot search:
Wu Zhuolin, the "little dragon girl" who has not appeared in the public eye for a long time, was photographed queuing up in Toronto to receive free relief food.
In fact, this isn't the first time she's been in trouble.
As early as 2018, homeless, she was exposed to use the name of her father Jackie Chan and begged the shopkeeper to take her and her girlfriend in.
Now, four years have passed, but Wu Zhuolin's life has not improved.
While angry, he couldn't help sighing:
A bad family of origin is tantamount to a disaster for children.
All along, his father was absent from Wu Zhuolin's life. And mother Wu Qili's discipline of her daughter is extremely harsh and violent.
Wu Qili once revealed that as long as her daughter is not obedient, she will beat her violently;
After the beating, let the daughter stand against the thick "Ci Hai" penalty, and if it drops, it will be another violent beating.
As Wu Zhuolin grew up, the relationship between mother and daughter became more and more-for-tat:
In 2015, she reported to the police that her mother had been drinking, drug-abuse, and abuse for many years, and at the same time, she was also retaliating against her mother in a self-destructive way over the years:
Committing suicide, stealing, running away from home with your girlfriend...
Psychotherapist Susan Foward once noted:
"Violence, the deterrent effect on children is only temporary, but the anger, revenge and self-hatred it causes are extremely strong. The anxiety, tension, and pain brought about by the beating will fill his entire childhood, and it will be difficult for the child who has been treated violently to regain a sense of trust and security. ”
If parents only have the means of educating their children with slaps and fists, no matter what the original intentions are, the only person who pays for it in the end will always be the children themselves.
As the saying goes:
When parents constantly beat and scold their children, the child will not stop loving his parents, but he will stop loving himself.
02
- The middle policy of education depends on the mouth.
In life, many parents always put on a condescending posture, chattering with their children about various great principles, trying to let their children move forward according to their own planned routes.
But the result?
It is often the more parents speak, the more disobedient the child becomes.
Just like in the variety show "Metamorphometer", there is a boy named Zheng Zihao who likes to play games very much.
The father, who is a lawyer, is very unaccustomed to his son's behavior, and when he has the opportunity, he preaches to his son endlessly:
"Do you know it's wrong to play games?" "It's addictive for you to play games like this, it's like smoking opium, and your plaything is lost." "You have to engage in your study, and only when you study well can you engage in something entertaining."
After more times, Zihao learned to go in and out of the left ear and the right ear.
Not only did he ignore Dad's avenue, but he became more addicted to games.
Psychological studies have proved that:
"From reasoning to accepting reasoning, the distance in between can be very far.
A person's ability to accept other people's opinions depends first on emotions, then on their behavior, and finally on the other person's language. ”
If parents always don't care whether their children want to listen or not, they will blindly teach their children, even if the truth is correct, it is no different from verbal violence in the children's ears.
Before watching the TV series "Come on! Mom", there was such a scene in it:
Su Qing, a mother played by Wu Yue, has very little communication with her son on weekdays.
Once, Su Qing found that her son liked a cake very much.
I thought that the mother and son could open the topic because of this, but who knows, Su Qing's mouth is criticism again:
"Eating more sweets is not good for teeth."
In this way, the son completely lost the desire to talk to her, and left without looking back, only the next sentence "Always only do the right thing, especially boring".
Similar situations often occur in their lives.
Even once, the son cried and asked Su Qing: "Have you ever cared how much pressure I have?" ”
She was still unmoved, but looked "for your good" and continued to output her great principles:
"You don't understand Mom, Mom doesn't blame you.
But Mom believes that when you grow up, when you face real winds and waves, face real opponents, and real competition, you will be grateful for the pressure training now. ”
In this way, in a desperate situation that no one understood, his son actually learned to relieve his pressure with bad behaviors such as smoking, theft, and rewarding female anchors.
Educator Sukhomlinsky once warned parents:
"The more concealed the intention of education, the more it is accepted by the educated."
Only by squatting down, closing your mouth and patiently listening to your child's voice can the education take effect.
On the contrary, if there is only condescending preaching, even if the truth in the parents' mouth is correct, it is just futile to pour out their hearts and lungs.
03
- The best policy of education, be an example.
I once saw a report about the "Xueba Village" in Shandong.
In a small village of less than 500 households with a population of only 1,800 people, there are 16 doctors, more than 30 masters, more than 100 undergraduates, and countless more junior college students.
Almost every household can produce a college student.
You know, China's current population with a bachelor's degree accounts for only 4%.
For a village that is not economically developed enough, it is already very powerful to have such achievements.
How did the villagers do it?
Following the reporter's lens, I found the answer from the daily interaction of a family:
The daughter of the family is a doctor from Tongji.
Although her parents are not highly educated, every time her father finishes farm work, he will pick up a newspaper, read it carefully, and read it for 20 years.
It is the father's emphasis and desire for knowledge that invisibly deeply affects the daughter.
Psychologist Winnicott said:
"A child is a mirror that honestly reflects the way parents look."
Parents are diligent, children are naturally motivated;
Parents love to read, and children naturally have poetry and bookishness;
Parents persevere, and children naturally endure loneliness.
The so-called "dragon gives birth to dragon, phoenix gives birth to phoenix, and the son of a mouse will make holes", not only about genes and inheritance, but also about the power of education and companionship.
Before, I brushed a particularly powerful dad on TikTok.
Since his daughter entered junior high school, her grades have always hovered in the middle and lower reaches and she has become obsessed with games.
But in the face of this daughter who is not good enough, this father neither scolded nor reasoned, but resolutely decided to accompany his daughter to "go to junior high school again":
So, he studied and did problems with his daughter every day, got up earlier than her daughter, slept later than her daughter, and tailored a set of learning plans according to her learning situation.
On weekdays, Dad insists on picking up and drop-off, and exchanges with his daughter after school about the knowledge he learned during the day.
Not only that, he also quit the habits of watching dramas and playing games, and left all the time originally used for entertainment to his children.
He even closed his attention list to less than 300 people to reduce unnecessary contact with the outside world.
Many times, children are like a seed.
What you plant is violence, preaching, control, and what you get is a bamboo basket to draw water, which backfires;
What you plant is companionship, respect, guidance, and what you get is hard work and a blockbuster.
After all, true love does not depend on fists, let alone mouths.
Instead, step by step, persistently cultivate yourself and let yourself become a companion on the road of children's growth, so that you can grow and progress together with your children.
04
Writer Tolstoy said:
"All education, or nine hundred and ninety-nine thousandths, comes down to parents."
Sometimes, when we see other people's children who are sensible, self-disciplined, and excellent, we will inevitably feel envious.
But it is often overlooked:
It is their own words and deeds that determine the child's future appearance.
An excellent and motivated child must be because of the company and support of his parents, which is better than a thousand words and ears.
Educating children is actually educating oneself and constantly correcting one's behavior.
Only when we do it right as parents can children get better and better.
I hope that from now on, we can all be first-class parents, write a template for growth with respect and companionship, and let our children fly higher and higher because of love.
Author: Cola Mama
Source: boy pie (ID: boy666dj)