Huang Duoduo, who had not appeared for a long time, suddenly appeared on the hot search.
She rarely posted a selfie life photo on social platforms.
In the photo, she is wearing a white shirt and black pants, very clean and elegant, but her naturally curly shoulder-length short hair highlights her mature side, coupled with that look, a little confused, like her mother Sun Li.
Many netizens said:
"Oh my God, is this premature maturity?"
"What has this child been through? How is there no girly atmosphere? ”
Time flies so fast, in the blink of an eye, Duoduo is already 16 years old, close to adulthood.
Looking at the amazing changes in Duoduo now, sure enough, the phrase "eighteen changes in the female university" also shone into reality.
As the second generation of stars, Duoduo, like Dou Jingtong and Chen Feiyu, is always under the magnifying glass of public opinion in every word and deed, and has repeatedly been on the hot search.
Whether it is this "rare photo" or "Huang Duoduo's hair", without exception, it has become a hot topic of discussion among netizens, and the focus of discussion is naturally derived from Duoduo to Huang Lei's education concept.
Whether education that flaunts democracy is laissez-faire or cheerful is constantly contested for a while.
01
Duoduo, it can be said that every audience grew up watching it.
The second season of "Where Daddy Goes" was launched that year, and countless viewers lived a little girl named Huang Duoduo in their hearts.
Although Duoduo was only 8 years old when he participated in the show, he could empathize with his father and take care of his younger siblings.
When you encounter a poor little animal, you will be so distressed that you will burst into tears.
When others ask bad questions, they can not be humble or arrogant, and insist on themselves.
I remember when Duoduo participated in "Happy Camp", Teacher He asked her an extremely tricky but eternal topic: "Love dad or mom more?" ”
Other children, perhaps thinking for a while, timidly replied, "Dad/Mom." ”
But Duoduo acted very angry, and she said very seriously: Who asked this question, you can't ask it like that.
Teacher He asked, "Why can't you ask this question?" ”
Duoduo said: "Because we love mom and dad very much, if we only talk about dad, mom will be sad, because mom worked hard to give birth to us, but if we only talk about mom, dad will be sad, because dad has been trying to make money and raise us." ”
After listening to this, how many parents teared.
If your own children can also have such high emotional intelligence, they will not have brain pain every day.
The emotional intelligence shown by Duoduo includes love for family and friends, love for life, compassion for animals, and persistence in right and wrong.
Countless netizens appreciated it.
At that time, many people paid attention to Huang Lei's parenting style, what a good parenting method can give birth to such an excellent child.
In the "Where Daddy Goes" program, it is not difficult to see in the details everywhere that the father Huang Lei showed great respect for his daughter, did not make decisions for his daughter without authorization, but allowed his daughter to make her own decisions.
Duoduo has a beloved dog, Lu Yi's daughter Bei Bei wants to play with the dog for a while, Huang Lei did not directly agree for Duoduo, but said: "The dog is Duoduo's sister, you should ask Duoduo's sister." ”
Seeing that Bei Bei had been playing with the dog for a long time, Duoduo was a little unbearable, and found Huang Lei to say that he was not very relieved, but Huang Lei expressed that "the problem is yours, you have to solve it yourself." ”
The right to return the problem to the child and let the child solve the problem by himself has been greatly reflected in the word respect.
In the face of the cliché "early love" problem, he said in an interview that adolescence ignorance, the beginning of emotions, this is the most natural thing of people themselves, he feels beautiful. Love is love, where there is early love, this word is very bastard.
Many netizens think that its "heart is really big".
But I have to say that even such an enlightened education has attracted the support of many netizens.
Later, under such "open education", Duoduo did grow up as someone else's child, and he looked perfect.
Wrote screenplays in English at the age of 7 and translated three English novels at the age of 8;
At the age of 10, he dubbed animations such as "The Little Prince";
Appeared on the international catwalk at the age of 11;
12-year-old partner He Jiong, played the heroine in "Book of Water";
I know how to play the piano, calligraphy, violin, bake, knit yarn...
I have to say that such an excellent resume is undoubtedly based on a certain economic foundation, but more, it depends on Duoduo's own efforts and persistence, as well as the good education of parents.
It's a pity, people always like to "kill with a stick".
When Huang Duoduo was searched for because of his hair, many people uncharacteristically stood on the moral high ground to question and "provoke" Huang Lei's parenting and even Duoduo himself.
02
At that time, Sun Li posted 3 photos of Duoduo, with the text: sister's new hair color.
The comment section blew up.
"Only 13 years old, dye your hair?"
"Is dyeing your hair at such a young age a little too adult?"
"I don't focus on studying, I pay too much attention to appearance."
Following Huang Duoduo's hair, netizens then picked up Sun Li's Weibo posted before, and it turned out that Duoduo had had his ears pierced when he was 9 years old.
Now, netizens are even more explosive.
"At such a young age, how can you get your ears pierced?"
"God, this is not open-ended parenting at all, it's indulgent parenting."
The "Huang Lei-style parenting" that was praised to the sky before was suddenly trampled on the soles of netizens.
Then, Huang Duoduo's frequent dyeing and distribution behavior made many netizens say that "fans turn the road", thinking that "not like students, more like Internet celebrities".
In the public stereotype, it seems that dyeing hair and piercing ears is linked to rebellion.
Many people think that before they reach adulthood, children should have the appearance of children, angry with books, well-behaved and obedient, polite, with long black hair and clean hair.
Indeed, most children look like this.
But the question is, is this what teenagers can only look like?
Doesn't the school become a photocopier, and each student is a copy paper copied according to standard drawings?
The act of criticizing Huang Duoduo's hair dyeing and piercing ears actually reflects a common parenting anxiety of Chinese parents.
According to a survey report on the Chinese Parents' Education Anxiety Index, 68% of Chinese parents are anxious about their children's education.
In the "Chinese Mother's "Anxiety Index" Report", ten family anxiety factors are mentioned, and children account for half, and children's education and children's health are among the best.
Those parents who suffer from "group parenting anxiety" are extremely nervous about their children's little troubles, for fear that their children will take the wrong path, for fear that their children will go astray with any random move.
Therefore, they frantically told the children to be "cautious and cautious" and "think twice".
Originally, these two words were positive words, but under their thousands of instructions, this has become a hurdle that prevents children from chasing their dreams, making children hesitate.
Education anxiety is filled with dissatisfaction, and looking deeper, it is actually more of a desire to control children.
Flying the banner of "good to you", he practices super control over children.
So back to the question of more hair dyeing, see how Dad Huang Lei answered?
He said:
"I think it's okay for children to do this, do you have ear piercings yourself?" Why oppose children? It's nothing, I never object, as long as it's not exaggerated, in the child's rebellious period, if the parent always likes to do the opposite, she will want to do it more, then it is better to let her try.
She is an independent individual, don't always treat her children as children. ”
Instead of just opposing rebuke, let go and encourage.
This is the center of Huang Lei's view of parenting.
03
Zhihu, there was a netizen who shared his experience.
This netizen has been strictly disciplined by his mother since he was a child, whether it is grooming or life schedule, he has been controlled to death.
The mother said that a good child will not have bangs, cannot dye his hair, cannot pierce his ears, and cannot get tattoos.
Mothers say a good child can't go home after 9 p.m., play games and fall in love.
The mother said that the responsibility of a good child is to study well.
So, after a few years of youth until she graduated from college, she followed her mother's education and became her mother's "good child".
But after entering the society, she found that she was incompatible with the people around her, and she was "rigid" and did not have the same topic as her colleagues around her, let alone be able to become friends.
Until one day after work, she watched her colleague next door put on makeup, get off the elevator with her, and then ran to the boy who had been waiting outside the gate for a long time.
At that moment, she wanted to cry.
How she wanted to be such a "rebellious" girl.
Remember this passage in "Poisoned Parents": "Children do not distinguish between facts and jokes, they believe what their parents say about themselves and turn them into their own ideas." ”
"How should you" and "This is good for you" sound thoughtful, but they are not a moral shackle that restricts children from exploring a freer world.
On the other hand, those children who are recognized and encouraged, in the process of receiving positive feedback, slowly form their own strong upward magnetic field, and eventually become an excellent child.
In psychology, this process of parents giving expectations and encouragement to their children, making children motivated, and eventually becoming excellent children is called the "Rosenthal effect".
Only parents fully identify with and support their children, and in the end, the child's performance will not disappoint parents.
Just like Huang Lei and Duoduo, the full recognition of encouragement has made Duoduo a versatile child with self-ideas and a full heart.
Just like Faye Wong and Dou Jingtong, Faye Wong has always believed from the bottom of her heart that children are the best, and she will never skimp on praise children in public, and this recognition often makes Dou Jingtong more confident to pursue her musical dreams.
In a TED talk, educator Brittany Packnett pointed out that children's success comes from self-confidence, from a belief in their own abilities, and the source of this self-confidence is actually the tolerance and recognition of parents.
04
Correct encouragement will benefit children a lot, but wrong encouragement can easily make children blindly confident.
So how to flexibly use the "Rosenthal effect" to encourage children?
1. Trust the child.
The two core requirements of the Rosenthal effect are first of all, believing, which needs to come from the heart, because children can tell the difference, and if it is false trust, it will have a negative impact on children.
2. Treat the child as an independent individual.
Only by treating their children as independent individuals can parents better identify with and respect their children, do not "make their own opinions" when encountering problems, return their children's right to make independent choices, and listen carefully, encourage good views, and question bad views, but do not judge angrily.
3. Praise specifically, do not praise in generalities.
Do not mechanically "encourage", "hello is good", "very powerful" these popular praise will only make children listen to more and more boring, the desire to "get liked" is getting lower and lower. So when you want to praise your child, you may wish to specifically point out which point the child has done well and which point can continue to improve.
4. Let go of high expectations and look at your child's life calmly.
"Cruel" reminder: 90% of the people in this world are ordinary people, 9% of people have achieved small successes, 1% can achieve great success, no accident, we and our children belong to the ordinary 90%. So please abandon high expectations, the expectations given to the child should consider the actual situation, a bite can not become a big fat person, an expectation can not make the child become a person, anything, you have to learn to take your time.
Finally, share a quote written by Tagore in "The Collection of Birds" to everyone:
"It is not the blow of the hammer, but the song and dance of the water that perfects the pebbles."
Share.