Nowadays, the internal involvement of all industries is more serious, and having a stable and sustainable job has become the goal pursued by many people. Among them, the test for middle-aged women is even more severe, because they are often more vulnerable to discrimination in the workplace.
In the recently broadcast TV series "War of the Roses", the protagonist Gu Nian was a housewife for ten years, and under the recommendation of his classmates, he sought a career. Entering the unit with her was a young man Fang Xu who was nearly ten years younger than himself. She wasn't his opponent in terms of age or whatever. Therefore, when the company can only leave one person among them, the leader naturally favors Fang Xu.
However, in a short period of time, through her own efforts, she changed the leader's view of herself, gained a firm foothold in the unit, and won the victory with performance. In this competition, she stayed as she wished, and Fang Xu was eliminated.
Throughout the entire plot, a middle-aged woman who has not been to work for ten years can beat young men in the workplace, and Gu Nian has three characteristics that cannot be ignored.
First, strong empathy ability
As soon as Gu Nian joined the company, he received a case of drunk driving causing death. In this case, the husband drove a car and killed someone, but asked the wife to face the guilt, and the wife agreed. Because the wife was a full-time housewife with no source of financial income, she preferred to die in place of her husband in order to make her daughter's future better.
When Gu Nian learned of this situation, she told her about her life experience, and now she chose another path, although she knew that this road was difficult, but from then on, she could take on the life of herself and her daughter, and take responsibility for her and her daughter's future life. She told the other person: "You are the same, believe in yourself, you are far stronger than you think." Her sympathetic words reassured the wife and decided to tell the truth to the police.
In the play, from beginning to end, Gu Nian can empathize with their anxiety, pain, sorrow and other feelings in his conversations with others, and put himself in the shoes of others, gaining the trust from others. Behind empathy is a higher level of compassion.
The second is that the heart is as delicate as hair
Soon after entering the workplace, the leader took two cases for Gu Nian and Fang Xu to choose, and both chose the drunk driving lawsuit at the same time. Leaders asked them what their strengths were. Fang Xu's answer was that he had an age advantage. But Gu Nian said: I saw that the parties in the case file admitted to their drunk driving behavior, but in the transcript, the parties mentioned that they sent their children to an after-school cram school before driving to a friend's party, and this cram school had stopped operating half a month before the crime, and I didn't understand why she lied? Gu Nian's discovery successfully made the leader hand over the drunk driving case to her.
When Gu Nian undertook a case of falling from a building, he could not find any favorable evidence at the scene. To this end, she transferred the video materials of the month before the crime from the community security office and studied the past one by one. In several photos, a small leaf next to the window inferred that the video material of the days of the crime was copied. This detail became the breakthrough of the whole case.
From all the cases that Gu Nian defended, we can see that she can collect evidence extensively on each case, and from the complicated information, she can find small details that others cannot find. In the places that others often overlook, finding the evidence that is most favorable to the person is the key to the success of her defense.
Third, a strong sense of responsibility
In the case of the man who fell from a building, the police, based on evidence collected at the scene, determined that the wife of the deceased had killed him. When the firm defended the wife, the leader also positioned the defense of this case as: manslaughter, let Gu Nian investigate and collect evidence according to this idea. After gu nian learned the truth of the matter from the person concerned, he decided to carry out a not guilty plea out of a sense of professional responsibility. The leader thought it was impossible and gave her a day to collect evidence.
Gu Nian took the month's video materials copied from the security office, returned to the office, and carefully examined them one by one. Looking at the screen for a long time, her eyes are sour and sleepy, and from time to time she takes out the eye drops placed on the desk, and after the drip is finished, she continues to look for it. It was this spirit of desperate Sanlang that, in just one day, she found useful clues from the huge amount of information, and finally acquitted the wife.
The sense of responsibility for work is not only to do a good job in the leadership arrangement, but also to give full play to their subjective initiative, to do the best in each work, so that they can quickly grow and progress in their work. From beginning to end, Gu Nian has always held this belief, and in each case, he can collect a large amount of evidence, in-depth reasoning and analysis, and put forward the best defense plan.
The TV series does not mention Gu Nian's age, but according to my speculation, when a housewife for ten years, she married at the age of 25 and re-entered the workplace, at least 35 years old, which is an age threshold that many employers are afraid of. But through her own efforts, she successfully gained the weight of leadership, stood firm, and achieved a self-leap in life step by step.
The three advantages that Gu Nian has are actually possessed by many middle-aged women. Compared with men, women tend to be more emotional, empathetic, and more empathetic, which gives them a unique advantage in handling interpersonal relationships. After the ups and downs of life, middle-aged women can better appreciate the misfortunes of others and can empathize more. At work, when you encounter setbacks, you are less likely to give up than young people.
But in real life, why are many middle-aged women often discriminated against by employers and become the weaker party who is sympathized with by society? This mainly comes from women's perception of themselves.
Since childhood, many women in the process of growing up, parents and Zhou Zhouren have instilled in them such a concept: "Outside the male lord, inside the female lead, women should focus on the family" "Marriage is a woman's second life" "Do well, it is better to marry well." This concept, accumulated over time, will form a woman's positioning of the self.
There is a suggestive effect in psychology, that is, a person's inner cognition will give themselves hints and instructions in a suggestive way, what to do, what not to do, and what is the most important. This cue effectively governs a person's behavior and choices. When you harvest positive cues, it develops towards the positive; When you get negative cues, you unconsciously align your behavior with the cues.
Under the influence of implication, many women enter the workplace, and in the work, they are often in a passive state. They do not have a clear plan for their careers, and they are not willing to invest too much energy in their work and escape from things. Once married, when faced with the inability to balance career and family at the same time, they often choose to give up their careers and retire to the family.
This forms a double-edged sword. This kind of behavior of women exacerbates the prejudice of employers against them; The prejudice of employers against women has deepened women's identification with traditional concepts.
In this world, no one's happiness can be given by others, and even the best intimate relationships cannot be achieved. A person's strength comes from his own control of life, and only by becoming a beam of light can he illuminate others while illuminating himself.
So, how can middle-aged women regain their self and gain the strength to belong to themselves?
The first is to eradicate the inherent concepts in the depths of the mind and not set limits on their own lives
As adults, we have the ability to break free from the influence of our original family and the prejudices of those around us and make choices about our future. This requires us to re-examine ourselves, to know ourselves, and to understand how our previous thinking and cognition have a negative impact on our current lives step by step. In everyday life, consciously overcome it.
To believe in their own abilities, the innovative thinking that young people have, middle-aged women can also get through training, do not fall into a state of self-doubt. Every small progress is a positive feedback, which can not only increase self-confidence, but also become a driving force on the way forward.
Believe in your own strength, in order to do better; Without setting limits for your own life, life will have infinite possibilities. Only by removing the label attached to the body can we have the internal motivation to resist all difficulties and reach a new height in life.
The second is to give full play to self-advantages, which can play the role of four or two thousand pounds
The success of a person's life is not how much money is earned and how high the status is obtained, but being able to find things that he likes and is good at, investing in it, and constantly making one breakthrough after another, which is the real success.
Everyone has their own strengths, some people like to cook, some people like photography, some people like handicrafts, each person's preferences are different, there is no good or bad. When Gu Nian went to college in the play, she studied law, which is her favorite major, and with this as a foundation, she can make rapid progress in the shortest possible time when she returns to work.
Middle-aged women want to grow themselves, first of all, they must make plans for their future, discover their own strengths, and do a good job of their strengths and avoid weaknesses in order to achieve a leap in life. Because when you are doing what you are interested in, you will have internal motivation and experience the pleasure of flow at work. Also because of being good at it, you will make greater progress in less time than others, which is a unique advantage of a person and the only way to realize yourself.
The third is to embrace love and be tolerant and understanding of others, which can solve most of the contradictions in life
The inability to juggle career and family at the same time is the primary problem that many women face. When Gu Nian in the play returns to work, he also faces the same problem. When the mother-in-law helps her with the children, she always thinks about how to protect the interests of her son. In this case, Gu Nian never blamed her mother-in-law, but was grateful for her efforts, which made them get along harmoniously. At work, Gu Nian is also full of love and thinks about others at every turn, and her kindness has won support from colleagues.
In life, we always like to cling to our own correctness and cannot tolerate others being different from ourselves. When reality does not satisfy us, we will be angry and angry and complain, but doing so will only aggravate the contradictions. Only when you let go of pickiness, love, and treat others with a tolerant attitude can you make the relationship develop benignly.
The author of "Cognitive Drive" said: "The result of altruism is profit, and those who do not have utilitarian intentions will eventually be doubled back through some form." ”
The essence of altruism, in fact, is love, and it depends on how deeply we love ourselves and others. Go to work and live with love, and you will find that most of the contradictions in life can be resolved, and you will get more help from the people around you.
Because, the love for others will eventually be returned to yourself.