Text/Themi Mama (original article, welcome to share and forward personally)
In the eyes of most people, kindergarten is a naïve fairy tale world, but an incident that happened to me completely subverted my thinking.
Cousin's daughter in kindergarten in the kindergarten, once the cousin picked up the little niece after school, found that the child's face is iron blue, the corners of the eyes are also red, as if crying, the cousin on the road constantly asked the child whether someone bullied her, but the little niece's lips clenched, not a word.
Until the moment I got home and closed the door, the little niece suddenly cried loudly, crying while telling my cousin: They "peed" in my bag.
The cousin's first reaction was to hear it wrong, but after repeated confirmation, the little niece still cried and replied that it was "peeing".
Later, the cousin urgently contacted the teacher, and after taking the monitoring, it was clear that the little niece was indeed bullied by other children, and it was not only the little niece who was bullied.
It turned out that there were four children in the little niece's class who formed a small group, known as the "Four King Kongs", these four children usually play together, the biggest "fun" is to bully other children, if someone does not listen to them, they will be isolated.
The little niece said that originally these children would just isolate other children, or give others nicknames, but later it became more excessive behavior, such as spitting on other people's beds and clothes, and then secretly taking other people's school bags to the bathroom to "pee"...
The little niece, because she was afraid of being isolated by other children, did not dare to tell the teachers and parents until she finally couldn't stand it.
Hearing the child's elaboration, I had a chill in my back, and what I couldn't believe was: Did these things really happen in kindergarten?
Later, I chatted with a retired old kindergarten manager in our community, and she told me: In kindergarten, it is not that the child is beaten and injured, it is considered "bullying", because there is a kind of bullying, which is "invisible bullying", and children under invisible bullying have a very difficult life.
Kindergarten Principal: Children who are bullied have a hard time
In the eyes of many people, maybe the child was not beaten, not injured, that is basically harmless.
But in fact, the old director told me that some "invisible bullying" is more worthy of parents' attention than fighting this kind of bullying, because it will make children become inferior, cowardly, and even tired of school, evasive situations, affecting children's psychology and growth.
In general, in kindergartens, there are 2 kinds of "invisible bullying" that are the most common.
One is verbal bullying.
In kindergarten, there will be some children because of other children's height, looks, dress, family rich and poor and other things, some verbal sarcasm, insults and attacks, nickname is the most common one.
These languages are tinged with obvious disdain, sarcasm and ridicule, and once children are in this environment for a long time, they will slowly lose self-confidence and begin to feel repulsive to kindergartens.
The second is behavioral bullying.
Behavior bullying not only refers to the child being beaten, but also some things that will cause trouble to the child.
For example, some children think that other children are good-looking and cute, and they want to hold hands, hugs and the like, which is behavior bullying.
There are also some children who may be isolated and pushed by other children, which is also behavioral bullying.
None of this seems to cause actual trauma to the child, but it has brought trouble and harm to the child's kindergarten life.
And the old head of the kindergarten told me that for this kind of thing, it is difficult for the kindergarten teacher to say who is right and who is wrong, and there is not so much time to patiently adjust.
How to keep your child from being bullied? Parents should cultivate 3 characteristics of their children
The old garden director said: There are 3 kinds of people in this world, one kind of people like wolves, everywhere they love to bully the weak, one is a sheep, they can only tremble when they are bullied, and there is another, like a shepherd, with a kind heart, but brave and fearless, no one dares to bully.
As parents, we must train our children to become "shepherd dogs".
As everyone often says: we do not take the initiative to bully others, nor can we let others bully, but if we want to be like a shepherd, we must cultivate the three characteristics of children before they enter the kindergarten.
(1) When bullied, it can deter the other party
Can you imagine?
A domineering child beats another child, and the beaten child can only shrink back and keep begging for forgiveness.
So do you think the hands-on kid will stop?
No, he will only feel that this child is a soft persimmon that can be bullied frequently, and the cowardly performance of the other party is more likely to arouse his interest in hands-on.
But in another scene, if a child can drink loudly when he is bullied, and he is not afraid of danger, although he knows that he is outnumbered, he is still brave and fearless.
Then the person who bullies others will be shocked by this momentum, and when it comes to the next time, he will also weigh it.
(2) Make more friends
People are social animals, and in the more ancient past, in order not to be bullied by others, humans would report to the group for warmth, and eventually formed a "tribal culture".
Therefore, we must encourage our children to make more friends so that he will not be the target of bad children and will not be isolated when they encounter danger.
Because as long as there is a group of friends, the child will not be afraid of being bullied.
(3) There must be a trustworthy person to talk to
When the child is bullied, there must be an object to talk to, so that the parents can find the problem in time, and the child can escape the situation of being bullied.
And those children who dare not ask for help and dare not resist often become the "little sheep" in the hearts of the bullies, and over time, these bad children are even more unscrupulous and lawless.
Listening to the analysis given to me by the head of the kindergarten, I was deeply inspired that many children are bullied precisely because of the lack of these qualities.
But like many parents, I understand it, but how do I do it? Because it is not we who teach our children, children can do it, so how to teach children to identify their own situation? And fight it in the right way?
The old kindergarten director explained that you can show the child some anti-bullying picture books, and in the process of reading with the child, the role of the characters in the picture book is replaced by the child's name, so that the sense of substitution is strong, which will enhance the child's strength.
For example, many kindergartens are now reading "Anti-Bullying Children's Picture Book" to their children, and parents can follow their children to use wisdom and courage to resolve the crisis through the right method.
Later, I also recommended this set of picture books to my cousin, who said that the scene in it was very suitable for the daily life of the kindergarten, and the practice was very strong, and now the little niece was much braver than before.
I took a look at it, this set of picture books has a total of 8 volumes, divided into 8 themes, including rumors, being bullied, being nicknamed, being called, being ridiculed and other kindergarten reality problems.
For example, in the "ridiculed" section, children will be told that if there are individual children who laugh at and bully others because they are physically strong, they should be brave enough to stop it.
Another example is being ostracized, telling children that sometimes it is not necessarily their fault, and they should not humbly please, but should use the right way to integrate into the right circle.
The biggest feeling that this set of picture books gives me is that the story is very strong and very scene-oriented, it can naturally substitute the child into the specific scene through the story, and use the tone of the story character to tell the child how to solve the problem concretely.
I think this has a very big subtle impact and benefits for kindergarten children.
In fact, as parents, we do not want children to bully others, but we also do not want children to be pinched as "soft persimmons", so we must master these knowledge that can protect ourselves, and have the courage and awareness to resist bullying.
If your child is in kindergarten, or is preparing to go to kindergarten, it is better to prepare a set of "Anti-Bullying Children's Picture Books" for your children and read them with your children every day, which is much more useful than traditional preaching.
8 anti-bullying children's picture book kindergarten ¥49 purchase
I put the link to this set of books on it, interested parents can click to understand, so that children away from harm, healthy and thriving.