Recently, Yang Mi made a guest appearance on the variety show "Mao Xuewang" on the hot search, and the golden sentences were frequently published, contributing a lot of love treasures:
"Don't always guess each other, see you when you want, he doesn't like you, you can also find him, that is, you can do whatever you want; You have to put yourself first, this thing is very important;
In the face of people I like but don't love me, I can also save myself, I don't have my own life, I don't have my own business, I don't have my own friends..."
Yang Mi is such a "narcissist", no matter how others see her, she always puts her feelings first.
She loves herself, appreciates herself, and lives step by step into the "sober in the world" in everyone's eyes.
Some people say: I had a particularly bad impression of Yang Mi before, but the more I knew her, the more I found her charming.
What exactly did Yang Mi do to make people change their minds about her so much? From her experience, we can find the answer.
From "attachment" to "narcissism"
Everyone craves love, and Yang Mi is no exception.
In an interview, she once said: "I long for marriage. If the other person is worth it, the career will give way for love. ”
Yang Mi once thought that he had met the person who deserved it.
Ten years ago, in her Weibo, Liu Kaiwei's name content is very high: there are spoiled, there are shown of love, there are also sad spring and sad autumn trapped by love, and she is a little girl who is immersed in love.
"Brother Kai has his own ideas and is also very mature and stable, and he is a person I am more at ease to rely on many times!"
With this vision of love, when his career was on the rise, Yang Mi chose to get married and have children.
Trust, dependence and giving, in exchange for what?
In exchange, Liu Kaiwei has repeatedly publicly ridiculed her for not having acting skills.
In exchange for 2016, Liu Kaiwei and another actress spent several hours in the same room late at night, and were exposed by the media as suspected of cheating.
The man who once held Yang Mi on the tip of his heart in front of the public turned her completely green.
Yang Mi soberly realized that instead of loving a man who is not worth relying on, it is better to love yourself.
She calmly withdrew from this increasingly corrupt relationship, no longer consuming herself and wasting time, turning her head to concentrate on her career.
Under pressure, she signed a VAM agreement to increase the company's valuation from 25 million to 5 billion in 3 years. Not only did he mix well, but he also single-handedly held popular stars such as Di Lieba and Zhang Binbin.
Along the way, the voice of smear and questioning has never stopped.
But she was narcissistic and confident that she could live better, that time was spent on herself, relying on herself, not afraid of the outside world's voices, and let her thrive.
With the power of self-love to promote career development, the achievements have given her more narcissistic confidence.
In the process of self-affirmation, she entered the positive cycle of the state of life and cultivated an increasingly powerful aura.
Nowadays, when it comes to Yang Mi, netizens no longer relish her "old things", but more praise her attitude towards the world, saying that she has a successful career at a young age, and by the way, she is married and has a baby.
And the love that hurt her deeply, after being strong, has also become an additional experience in life.
She was very comfortable with those sufferings, she said
"It's a bit bitter, but it's good to eat it."
"There are shadows under your feet because you are facing the sun, you are looking at the sun, so you don't care about the shadows behind you."
She was absolutely certain that she deserved the gift of fate behind her suffering.
From dependence, to self-love, to narcissism.
Self-appreciation and affirmation, so that today's Yang Mi has a unique charm that is left to the outside world to comment, and I have a variety of styles.
"Narcissism" connects us to the heart
Teacher Zhang Defen once shared in the live broadcast: "Everyone must have an anchor point in their heart to stabilize themselves, and this anchor is actually your relationship with yourself." ”
People who cannot appreciate and affirm themselves have a hard time dealing with their relationship with themselves.
They can't see their own needs, often ignore their true feelings, and gradually lose contact with their bodies, and gradually live into "invisible people".
There is a friend Qingqing, who became an executive of a Fortune 500 company at the age of 27 and is a strong woman in everyone's eyes. At a party for a drink, she confided in a past that could not be looked back.
After breaking up with her ex, she washed her face in tears all day. The classmate who had a crush on her in high school happened to return from overseas and launched a fierce pursuit of her, and under the meticulous care of the other party, the pain was smoothed out, and the two soon fell in love.
She carefully guarded this love, looking forward to the day of marriage. Even if he is busy at work, he will take time to wash and cook for his boyfriend, respond to his needs, and do his best to serve his boyfriend's mother who is sick in bed.
Whenever a friend asks when he can eat happy wine, Qingqing smiles awkwardly and says: Don't worry, your career is stable.
But she knows that after 5 years of love and cohabitation, her boyfriend said a lot of beautiful words, but he did not marry her for a long time, and even began to be cold and violent to her after his career was booming.
At this time, Qingqing still did not re-examine the relationship for herself, she was just afraid of losing love again, so she constantly looked for reasons from herself, suspecting that she was not doing well enough.
Until the third party came to the door with a big belly, the boyfriend quickly returned to his hometown to do the wedding, leaving Qingqing alone, and once again fell into a greater emotional injury for a long time.
After thirty years of drinking, Qingqing began to laugh at herself: Oh... What dignity, what ego, was personally stepped on by me in those five years.
Life seems to degenerate, and there is nothing to see but the sad love, or even to feel its own existence.
In fact, many people in life are like Qingqing, ignoring themselves in the relationship, seeking perfection, constantly sacrificing their own needs to meet each other, looking forward to the recognition and love of others, until they lose themselves.
Grievances, sacrifice, loss of self, lack of self-confidence, and then to habit of grievances and sacrifices, this is a vicious cycle.
Honey, you deserve to be loved.
The premise of being loved is to truly and completely accept yourself, so as to truly love yourself.
American writer and psychologist Louise Hay said in "The Reconstruction of Life":
"If you can really love, to accept, to affirm your true face, everything in life will become smooth, as if there are small miracles everywhere."
Love yourself, never blame yourself, because blame, criticism will only make yourself more closed, only understand and treat yourself gently, in order to help yourself change the negative psychological pattern. ”
When the feelings are not smooth, it is no longer that I feel that I am not worthy, but I deserve better;
When the work is frustrated, no longer feel how useless they are, but the original problem is here, smart as I will not make it again next time;
I can, I deserve it, because now I am, I am the best I am.
When we begin to love ourselves and begin to "narcissize," we also begin to connect with the "self-perfect" self within us, nourished by inner strength.
Use "narcissism" to embrace a better version of yourself
So how do you rebuild "narcissism" and regain your own strength?
1. Believe in yourself and establish stable values
The first step we have to do is to believe in ourselves, even if we are not perfect, even if we will make mistakes, and still believe and appreciate the value of our lives.
After Gu Ailing won the championship, she suffered from many people on the Internet who questioned and attacked her nationality, but she firmly said:
"I don't want to make everyone happy... I know that my heart is good, and I also know that the decisions I make are based on the interests of all people, and I feel that this will bring greater benefits.
If someone doesn't believe that this is what I meant, then it just means that they don't have enough empathy to understand the kindness of others, probably because they have different values than me. If someone doesn't believe me or doesn't like me, then it's their loss. They can't be Olympic champions. ”
Establish stable values, that is, do not rely on external evaluation standards, not be swayed by others, believe in their own value at all times, believe that they deserve to be valued and treated fairly.
2. Positively view the evaluation of others
From an early age we are taught to be humble and courteous, so when we face the praise and praise of others, we unconsciously humble ourselves, "That is luck", "I am not so good, we must continue to work hard." ”
This self-humility makes it impossible for us to enjoy the praise of others, and it also indirectly negates our own efforts, and we cannot obtain self-satisfaction and affirmation.
We just need to change the way we express "thank you for your compliment, you are also very good", so that we accept the kind encouragement of others, strengthen the link to each other, and affirm the value of the self deep down.
In the face of criticism from others, do not regard criticism as hostility, do not regard temporary mistakes as eternal, but see your own potential and believe in yourself.
As Yang Mi once said: "I have never deleted a person who has blocked you, you should thank everyone who scolded you, it is an arrow borrowed from your grass boat, you just wait for the east wind to blow." ”
Allow for the existence of "different": I respect your voice, but I still affirm myself.
3. Reduce complaints and think positively
If we blindly complain about the environment, relationships, and original families, and only know how to attribute outwards, we will only become victims of the environment and relationships.
When Peng Yuyan first debuted, he repeatedly hit a wall and the box office was dismal. At that time, there was also a contract dispute with the brokerage company, and a lot of debt was owed.
At the trough of his life, Peng Yuyan felt disappointed and helpless, became very anxious, and often complained about the unfairness of fate.
Later, after receiving the movie "Roll Over, A Letter", Peng Yuyan chose to seize the opportunity to go all out after reflection. In order to play a good role, he trained for 12 hours a day, and finally presented the gymnastics movements to the audience in the movie, which also laid the foundation for his smoother acting career.
Later, with each film, Peng Learned a new skill: surfing, sign language, Thai, mixed martial arts, etc. His life has achieved a counterattack in self-responsibility.
Learn to turn complaints into positive thinking: How to avoid similar mistakes next time? What's next? How can we do better?
See setbacks as an opportunity to accumulate experience, don't use this to deny yourself, learn to give yourself positive affirmation, and believe that you can pack up and start again.
May you see the beauty in yourself, be a "narcissistic" person, and slowly grow your own strength.
*This article is co-authored by the author and Zhang Defen Space's main writer group, if you need to reprint, please contact the authorization.
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