In modern society, the proportion of emotional intelligence in children's growth process is becoming more and more important. To some extent, whether the child is excellent or not, whether the future success or not, the role of emotional intelligence, even more than intelligence.
Harvard University Psychology Dr. Daniel. Goreman once pointed out:
In a person's success, the role of IQ accounts for only 20%, and the remaining 80% is a factor of emotional intelligence.
Some parents will think that the child's high emotional intelligence is to make him become sweet-mouthed, which is actually a one-sided understanding. True high emotional intelligence includes many aspects, a person's personality, behavior, habits, etc., every detail of his body can imperceptibly convey the level of his emotional intelligence. Children with high emotional intelligence will exude a variety of cultivation and cultivation from the inside out, which makes people feel comfortable and more popular in getting along.
Children's emotional intelligence benefits from the cultivation of parents from an early age; Parents who pay attention to the cultivation of emotional intelligence can double their guidance from an early age, and when their children are young, they can see it at a glance.
Children with high emotional intelligence often have 3 characteristics
John Gottman, a master of interpersonal relations, wrote in his book Raising Children with High Emotional Intelligence:
In daily life, what are the characteristics of children with high emotional intelligence?
1) Have empathy
Some time ago, my son's class held a "criticism and self-criticism" theme class meeting, and when he returned home, he told me with relish: Many students in the class have made accusations against XXX in person and think that he has not performed well.
I asked, "Are there any children that everyone recognizes as good?" ”
The son said a name, but also his good friend Yang Yang, he is helpful, cares about classmates, does not satirize classmates, when classmates are sad, will take the initiative to comfort ...
A basket of good words, the son was full of beautiful words for Yang Yang, a little friend. He said that on a special occasion, he did not do well in mathematics, and the whole person was depressed. Yang Yang handed his son a small note with a word of encouragement written on it, accompanied by a smiling face, which made him feel very warm. In an instant, his mood changed a lot, and he soon went to play with other children under the leadership of Yang Yang.
Children with high emotional intelligence often have such characteristics:
They are empathetic, easy to empathize with others in difficult situations, and are willing to lend a helping hand to each other with their own strength.
Such children can often become social masters and be welcomed by their classmates, which is the key to high emotional intelligence.
2) Be good at controlling your emotions
Everyone has emotions, and children, too, will cry and lose their temper because of unsatisfactory things to vent their dissatisfaction.
Children with high emotional intelligence also have tempers, and they occasionally vent, but they are not often and persistently emotional. Even if the mood is not good, it will be under the persuasion of parents to understand things, so as to control their emotions and not vent arbitrarily.
Emotional management skills are at the heart of emotional intelligence. This means that such children are more able to perceive and perceive each other's emotions more keenly, and they are more capable of self-control on the basis of recognizing their own emotions.
3) Know how to appreciate others
There is a saying that the degree of comfort you speak determines the height you can reach.
Children with high emotional intelligence will take the initiative to appreciate others and never skimp on praise. They are like their own "scanners", able to find the advantages of each other, close to people, bringing people full of positive energy.
They will not laugh at people who are in trouble, nor will they expose scars in the cajoling, even if there are contradictions and disputes, they will not easily say hurtful words.
Respect, like a spring breeze.
[2] Parents of children with high emotional intelligence often have these two qualities
The family is the cradle of the growth of the child, the child's emotional intelligence is high or low, and the family environment is crucial.
What kind of parents summon what kind of children, parents with reasonable things, the child's emotional intelligence will not be too low. Just like green plants need sunshine and rain, wise parents will provide a suitable environment for their children to grow, be a good gardener for their children, and let their children grow up in the sun.
To raise a child with high emotional intelligence, wise parents tend to avoid the following two situations.
1) Do not randomly explode emotions
Parents are emotional and a disaster for their children.
Children with high emotional intelligence tend to have good personalities, and behind him hides a well-spoken family. Parents know how to regulate their emotions, and do not repeatedly praise their children when they are happy, nor do they call and drink to their children when they are angry.
A good emotional state of parents will affect the child, subtly cultivating a child with a peaceful state of mind. Such children know better how to use the positive state of the sensory world to become the potential of high emotional intelligence.
2) Always maintain a positive and optimistic state
It is said that parents are mirrors and children are shadows.
Parents are full of positive and optimistic states about life, opening up their children's perspective on the world. Such children are not pessimistic about things, even if they encounter difficulties, they will strive to actively find solutions, so as to cultivate a strong psychology.
This quality helps to improve a child's emotional intelligence, because emotional intelligence itself is a process of slow accumulation and internalization.
[III] Raising children with high emotional intelligence, parents can do so
Parents are the best emotional intelligence coaches for children, how to raise a high emotional intelligence child in life?
First, help your child recognize their emotions
At the end of the day, high emotional intelligence is the ability to self-control emotions. Children who know how to recognize their emotions are the basis for moving towards high emotional intelligence.
Parents need to have a keen ability to capture, when the child is unhappy, know how to detect their emotions, and then through guidance, let the child identify the current emotions.
For example, children show disbelief because they bully children and are criticized.
At this time, parents can ask their children: Are you unhappy to be criticized? Do you feel wronged?
This kind of guidance helps the child focus on his own emotions, rather than getting caught up in the emotions of the other party.
After getting the child's recognition, parents can then guide the child to empathize: If you change, what would it feel like? This approach helps to foster empathy in children and is very important from the perspective of emotional intelligence education.
Second, help your child eliminate negative emotions
Children with high emotional intelligence will also have negative emotions, and children with high emotional intelligence can see one or two in the way they eliminate negative emotions.
To this end, a visionary parent knows how to cultivate his child's multi-faceted interests, piano, chess, painting or sports, and when the child is in a bad mood, he can immerse himself in hobbies and heal himself without being grumpy. It is recommended that parents must cultivate children's interest in sports, psychological research shows that doing exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress, continue to do aerobic exercise for more than 20 minutes, it will promote the secretion of brain endorphin, so as to play a physiological role in relieving stress.
Again, help your child learn to express emotions
Whether a person will speak well is an important manifestation of high emotional intelligence, which also requires parents to help their children learn to "speak well".
Speak well, not only require children to learn to express their ideas in their own way, but also to be polite; It also requires children to learn to respect others and have a good heart before they can say warm words to people.
Moreover, parents can leave messages to cultivate their children's sense of humor, which helps children to solve problems in a relaxed atmosphere in a humorous way, which is also a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.
Every parent wants their child to grow up happily and have a happy life.
Cultivating children's high emotional intelligence is to give children the ability to embrace happiness, so that children can attract like-minded friends with innate traits along the way, and warmly and firmly face the future.
Dear parents, from this moment on, do a good job of your child's emotional intelligence coach, all your efforts today will become your child's ability to manage a better life in the future.
I am a mother, focusing on parent-child growth research, talking about parenting dry goods, writing parenting tips, paying attention to me, and growing up together