| Alive World (Rich Book Author)
Today, sending my little nephew to school, I saw such a scene at the school gate:
A little boy had an argument with his mother, and he was lying on the ground and rolling, and his mother was talking about it on the side, and the little boy just wouldn't get up, and finally the teacher came out and carried the little boy into the school.
The mother said slightly embarrassed: "The headache is dead, my son's stinky temper came up, I really didn't have a clue to him..."
The mothers next to them seem to have found resonance and have joined the "spit":
Some complained that the boys were too noisy: every day they rummaged through boxes and cabinets, went to the house to uncover the tiles, and everywhere they went, there was a mess;
Some spitting boys love to sabotage: as long as there is something that he looks up to, there is no one who is not ho ho ho...
In their complaining, it seemed to tell me that raising boys was like "crossing the robbery" and working hard.
But in fact, cultivating boys is more like taming animals, and it doesn't need to be too hard, just use the right direction.
There are boys at home, so try these 4 golden rules of education for raising boys!
Be a supporter of boys
The first step to becoming a supporter of boys is to change stereotypes about boys.
The Canadian short film Boys Don't Cry tells the story of a boy who is always constantly educated in the process of growing up from childhood to adulthood: "Boys can't cry, boys must be brave." ”
As the boy grew older, his parents began to teach him in his ear how to be a man.
For example, when the boy is a little shy, his mother tells him strongly: "You have to be brave, the boy can't twist and squeeze..."
For example, when a boy cries bitterly, his parents will only ask him seriously: "Why are you crying?" Man can't cry..." Even asked the boy: "Be a big boy, okay?" ”
I believe that in the vast majority of parents' concepts, boys cannot be too weak, cannot be too timid, cannot cry...
I always think that when boys grow up, they must become stronger and more responsible to become a man who stands tall in the sky; but no one cares about the boy's fragile heart, and also needs to release negative emotions, and also needs soft love to wrap.
Eventually, many boys develop a habit of distrust, apathy, and reluctance to express themselves.
They learn to pretend to be cool and rarely show their true feelings, but instead adopt an attitude of indifference, disdain, and even anger to face life.
When a child loses his personality in layers of shackles, it means that he loses courage, self-confidence and self.
Therefore, in order to maintain the personality of a boy, parents are needed to be his "allies" and do their best to help them realize their personal dreams.
In a relationship, if the boy is able to realize his importance, it is crucial for him to develop his ability to think independently and to move toward independence. A child's self-confidence does not appear out of thin air, but comes from the experience of being understood, loved, and supported.
In the documentary "Little Boy", there is a little boy named Yin Ran, who loves to deal with insects, raises more than 200 kinds of insects, and takes good care of them every day.
He was also ridiculed and ostracized by his classmates. But his parents didn't blame him, but were very supportive of him doing what he liked.
Yin Ran's mother said: "You have messed up all his fun things, then life is not very boring." ”
Yin Ran's parents will accompany Yin Ran into the mountains to catch insects during the holidays.
In real life, every child who has the courage to be his own is inseparable from the support of his parents.
Their support is not to "do everything" and cross the child's personal boundaries, but to make the child realize that he is not alone, that there is always someone to stand with him, always ready to provide the shelter he needs, so that the child can be more confident in himself.
Build relationships that allow him to develop a strong sense of self
The key to making a boy more confident of himself is to build a sense of self.
What is self-awareness? When a child reaches a stage of growth, he asks, "Who am I?" Where am I? This is the awakening of self-awareness.
This stage is the child's "sensitive period of self-awareness" and is the most important of all sensitive periods, because it will determine what kind of person the child will become in the future.
Parents who do not understand the sensitive period of self-awareness will think that the children at this stage are selfish, willful, stubborn, and ignorant.
In fact, these are all things that children must experience in the process of growing up, and the behaviors that children show that you cannot understand are normal.
At this stage, it is necessary to give the child the correct help to help the child fully understand the self, the understanding of self-emotions, self-evaluation, self-planning, etc., including recognizing their own strengths and weaknesses, and learning to adjust their emotions, temper and desires, self-discipline and reflection on their own behavior.
Before truly helping children effectively, parents must first establish a relationship with their children (parent-child relationship), which is not blood- and parent-child relationship, but lets children trust you from the bottom of their hearts.
I have seen a case before, a 6-year-old child, following his father to the construction site, was accidentally shot in the chest by a nail on the way, and there was no immediate bleeding at that time, and the child did not tell his father in time.
At night, the chest hurt badly, and the child informed his parents. After being sent to the hospital for examination, it was found that the 7cm steel nail was only 26 mm away from the heart, and the child passed by the god of death.
Why does a child know that he is injured, but he does not tell his parents? Mainly because children do not trust their parents and are afraid that they will be scolded for telling their parents, which leads to serious consequences.
It is very important for children to trust their parents from the bottom of their hearts. Only by letting them know that they have always been in the hearts of their parents, they will also put their parents in their hearts and be more willing to share their inner thoughts with their parents.
So we must know how to build a strong parent-child connection with our children, and in the book "Raising Boys", we mention a method: learn a unique mirroring technique, parents can practice this skill with a close partner, and take turns to share all the appreciation and love for their sons.
In as much detail as possible, tell us about the real moments that happened when your son discovered that you were a special person.
Such exercises not only provide parents with the opportunity to be with their sons, but also exercise the skill of recognizing their child, as well as giving them a truly positive respect that is not diminished by concern or criticism.
Boys who are willing to tell their parents about everything have won their children's hearts because of their parents' trust and understanding.
Encourage your child to express emotions
Even the youngest children can have emotions, which is undeniable.
However, if the child does not know how to express his emotions, the parents do not know the real thoughts in the child's heart, which may lead to the parents not being able to help the child in time, or doing bad things with good intentions.
For boys, it is assumed that they will only share their feelings without being humiliated and judged. Therefore, parents can choose a relatively natural way when guiding their children to express their emotions.
For example, the method described in the book "Raising Boys": If the child is playing a game or watching TV, sit next to him and show interest in what he is doing, but don't interrupt him to play the game.
Or show the most genuine and open curiosity about a certain slice of life he likes, such as asking the child, "What song do you like to listen to?" "Which TV series do you like to watch?"
The point of this is not to ask the child to explain anything, but to let the child feel that the parents are paying attention to themselves, and this attention is pleasant, not condescending.
When your child notices your concern and is willing to take the initiative to share his feelings with you, all parents have to do is learn to listen, not to ask questions, and not to express their own suggestions.
Because being taught how to think is not a good substitute for yourself, it usually makes people feel disrespected.
Boys are more inclined to do so when they find it a positive experience to be listened to.
Once the trustworthiness and benefits of being heard are established, boys become more emotionally open, produce more emotional connections, and are less likely to go against their own hearts.
Regulate boys' behavior
There is a very popular saying on the Internet: it costs money to raise a daughter, and it costs a mother to raise a son.
Boys are more mischievous and energetic, so they are prone to impulsiveness in some things and do something out of the ordinary.
At this time, parents need to set boundaries for them and let them learn how to restrain their behavior. Simply put, it is to make rules for children.
When making rules for children, you can refer to these 5 psychological rules:
1. Pandora Effect: This means that the more you forbid your child from doing something, the more he wants to do it.
The reason for this is that many parents just blindly forbid it, without telling their children why they can't do it.
Therefore, when making rules, we must clearly tell the child the reason, let the child understand the right and wrong, so that the child will not be driven by curiosity, and go beyond the rules.
2. Stair climbing effect: Climbing stairs should be climbed step by step, and the rules should also be standing a little bit. The code of conduct formulated for children should be from small to large, from difficult to easy.
It is impossible to do anything in one step, and it is impossible for a child to do the best at once. So, when the child does not achieve our goal at the beginning, do not be harsh on the child, step by step to guide him to do better.
3. Broken window effect: This means that someone breaks the window glass of a building, and if the window is not repaired in time, others may be subject to some exemplary connivance to break more windows.
Many parents will always choose to turn a blind eye when dealing with some relatively small bad behaviors of their children. As everyone knows, a small mistake is left unchecked, and the future will only become more intense.
Therefore, when parents and children establish rules, they cannot allow children to make mistakes at will. Only when the child makes a mistake and the parents come out to stop it, the child can better follow the rules.
4. Watch law: It means that when you wear only one watch, you can know what time it is, and when you wear two watches at different times, it is difficult to determine what time it is now.
The "watch law" is to tell us that in the matter of educating children, fathers and mothers should unite the front, and there can be no situation where one party is making rules for children and the other side is in the mud, which will cause children not to know who to listen to, and finally no rules can be established.
Therefore, when making rules for children, there can only be one voice. This voice is responsible for pointing out the direction for the child and drawing the bottom line of the child's code of conduct, so that the set rules will not be shaken.
5. Hot stove effect: If the rules are to be enforced, it is impossible to be without rewards and punishments. Because of the rules of punishment, it can be like a hot stove, so that people dare not easily touch (overtake).
Therefore, when making rules with children, it is also necessary to explain the rules of reward and punishment, and the rules of rewards and punishments can be formulated in consultation with children. What kind of punishment to accept if you make a mistake, let the child know.
One thing that must be explained is that the punishment cannot be the violent act of scolding, because the punishment is not the goal, the child is to correct the mistake, so the punishment can be doing housework, or because you made a mistake, the toy you originally promised to buy was canceled, and so on.
Boys are multi-faceted, and in the process of raising boys, if we ask them to be one, two or two like computer programs, then we will lose a lot of cute boys with different personalities but characteristics.
In fact, every boy is a treasure, and there are many interesting secrets in them, if you want to know these secrets, you may wish to read Michael. Dr. C. Lecter's Raising Boys.
"Raising Boys" (Shaping The Personality of Boys with the Power of Emotional Connection) ¥34.9 Purchase
Book by Michael. Dr. C. Lecter has practiced numerous cases of his own practice to tell us the secrets of helping boys.
If you have a boy, please open this book, don't rush to read it, read it little by little every day, when you finish reading it, you will find that there will be a lot less entanglement and conflict between you and your child.
As a result, your child's psychology will be healthier, your personality will be more perfect, and you, as a parent, will enjoy the process of raising your child more.
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