Recently, the University of Minnesota in the United States has developed a contraceptive pill for men.
Unlike condoms and women's contraceptives, this pill is an oral drug used by men and has a contraceptive success rate of up to 99%.
Although it is a cutting-edge drug that has not yet entered the market, it still opens another door for gender relations - in the near future, men who cherish their other half more can also choose to use this method of contraception.
Such a good thing that shines with the light of equality, I believe that many sisters are also looking forward to "arranging" their partners after going public. For another group of women, however, it's something as far away as a star.
Ms. Ayaka, who is now 40 years old and has been divorced for 10 years, has lived in fear for 11 years under her husband's "prolific DV".
Prolific DV: Repeatedly forced pregnancies, thereby exhausting the woman concerned; economic and temporal restrictions on the women involved; violations of the women's right to produce/the right to decide on childbirth, can be called "prolific DV". (DV can be understood as physical, psychological and other aspects of abuse)
Ayaka entered the "hall" of marriage at the age of 19 and gave birth to 4 children in 8 years. According to Ayaka herself, her ex-husband demanded sex on a daily basis.
"Later, I always thought that if I didn't like it, I should be able to refuse... But when I first got married, I was still very young, I didn't know very well, and I thought that couples had to want this, and I didn't know that there was also the option of 'rejecting'. ”
According to Ayaka, during pregnancy, her husband would also ask for sex as usual; just after leaving the hospital after childbirth, the husband would say "it's okay" and resume sex on the night of discharge.
"Never contraception, not once."
Married at the age of 19 and gave birth to her first baby. Just 8 months later, Ayaka became pregnant again and gave birth.
8 years to have 4 babies - this does not seem bizarre, we may all have such examples all around us, and we are all extremely loving couples.
However, the focus of prolific DV is that in the face of her husband's daily demands and refusal to use contraception, Ayaka is always trying to endure and bear the pain alone.
In addition, the husband often has domestic violence, and when he is in a bad mood, he often beats and scolds Ayaka.
For the sake of the children who have already been born, Ayaka has always endured. Perhaps, at that time, she had already equated "patience" with "children's happiness".
Two years after Ayaka gave birth to her second child, she became pregnant again. This time, however, the "instructions" from the husband were: Let the child be shed.
"There are too many children, and we don't have the ability to raise them!" This is the "official answer" from the husband.
For Ayaka, however, the child in her womb is her own baby. With the sentiment of "wanting to be born no matter what", Ayaka even knelt down to her husband and begged. Unfortunately, to no avail.
In fact, the reason why the husband was so determined at that time was because his mistress was also pregnant.
"Maybe you want to break up with me, that's why you let me shed my child..." Ayaka thought, "So maybe I can be relieved..."
Soon after, however, the husband broke off contact with his mistress and continued to give to Ayaka.
Ayaka, who had just had a miscarriage less than 3 months ago, became pregnant again and gave birth to her third child...
"If you don't want to be pregnant, won't you just take birth control pills?" Is it still so miserable? ”
Ayaka, who has no job after marriage, has no financial ability to speak of, and as the following figure shows, the contraceptive pill is also a big expense. In addition, Ayaka also knows very little about contraception.
"After each time, I would go to the shower and wash myself clean." Ayaka said so.
For her, who married at the age of 19 and did not have any social circle, it seems that the common sense that normal people know is far away from her.
Married young, no job, cut off from family, no friends... Withering away from the social circle, Ayaka was trapped in the small circle of her husband and children.
As the children grew up and began to enter kindergarten, Ayaka gradually socialized with the housewives and mothers in the same kindergarten. Something that used to feel "strange and a little unbearable" did it take until I communicated with other people's wives that I realized what a terrible situation I was in.
Finally, Ayaka made the decision to divorce.
At that time, the husband threatened the child, claiming that "if you dare to leave this home, you will not want to see the child again."
Perhaps with the help of her social circle, Ayaka no longer gives in – ostensibly, as usual, she took advantage of her husband's time to go to work, escaped from home with her children, sought asylum from a community support facility, and successfully divorced with the help of the community.
Today, Ayaka, who has changed with time, faces the camera and frankly tells all her experiences. She concluded: "I really hope that my experience can be seen by more people. Because there must be many women like me who are unaware of the prolific DV encountered. Hopefully, they can all get out of the sea of suffering. ”
I am so grateful to have the courage to share my own tragic past! I am aware of the same problem and am working on solving it! Thank you so much for sharing so bravely! Hopefully, Ayaka and the child will have a happy life next.
Not only marital violence, but also cheating!? When the postpartum period needs the most conditioning + when the baby needs the most care, but also to meet the physiological needs of the husband?! The wife is obviously exhausted, and she obviously can't even sleep well! Isn't that what hell is?
In this way, divorce is really the best policy!
Some people may argue with the phrase "the child's growing environment, the father cannot be absent" to argue.
However, children will also be aware of the "abnormality" of the family members who live with each other day and night, and what "growing environment" can children grow up under this violence?
Blindly giving in, patience, grievance, this sense of atmosphere, children also feel empathy, so what is the meaning of forbearance?
Protecting yourself and safeguarding your rights is the most important thing.
In marriage, one of the husband and wife is too strong and one is too weak, and the probability will lead to tragedy. Between intimate relationships, there is happiness in the sun, and there must be bitterness in the shadows. While condemning and sanctioning the abusive party, the abused party's blind concession is also a major cause of tragedy.
In addition, we must not forget that it is not only the wife who suffers from DV, but also the innocent children around us.
In 2008, 13-year-old Ling Hua was interviewed on the topic of "domestic abuse".
At the age of 5, because her mother could not stand her husband's continuous domestic violence, she ran away from home with her daughter Linghua and completed divorce procedures with her husband.
However, those violent scenes in his childhood are still vivid for Ling Hua.
"Every time my father beat my mother, I would hold his leg and beg him. Although my father said in his mouth, 'Good I won't fight and don't fight', he still hugged me and continued to beat my mother. ”
Ling Hua refused to refer to his father as "Daddy" – "He just gave me life, he wasn't my dad." Even the term father, I prefer to say 'father of the past'. ”
Even if he escaped from his father's clutches, the nightmare still did not recede. In Linghua's upbringing, her mother needed to rely on sleeping pills to solve insomnia problems and deal with frequent depression symptoms.
In addition, the deformed childhood time makes the relationship between Ling Hua and his mother extremely strange. Two people often quarrel at home. Sometimes, Ling Hua would hurt his mother because of his crazy behavior. Once, Ling Hua locked his mother out of the window and posted the words "fool" in the newspaper on the window.
"Probably because I witnessed too many scenes of my father beating my mother when I was young, in my subconscious, I formed the idea that 'my mother's status is lower than mine.'"
Today, Ling Hua, who has grown up, has completed his bachelor's and graduate degrees through scholarships and successfully passed the judicial examination.
"Next, I'll go to a law firm as an intern. In the future, I hope to make domestic violence cases my professional specialty. ”
Everyone will feel relieved and glad to see the once rebellious and crazy adolescent girls growing up to become lawyers with such positive energy. However, the scars left by childhood did not disappear, and only when alone, the wounded soul dared to gently lick the wound...
Domestic violence, as a matter of course, should be stopped. Although there is no need to fight violence with violence, at least, decisiveness and tenacity are the best weapons to fight back against domestic violence.