If your body is restless and you can't sit there quietly, if you can't meditate deeply, it's because those memories, the pain, are all in your body. That's why it's so important to cleanse your body, respect your body, and love your body.
Inner uneasiness creates external tensions and troubles, and when the mind is calmed down, everything is answered. If you can't calm down, or if you're too busy to meditate, why not turn what you're doing into meditation? Because when we are in a state of meditation, we are at a distance from the problems created by the emotions and the mind, and we are no longer caught up in problems.
- Sadana
Sadana | Suitable for the meditation of busy people
Meditation does not add anything to life, it removes the excess burden of life, and lets our original qualities flow naturally like the fragrance of flowers.
In our Fortune & Freedom workshop, I'll ask you to do an exercise:
The two volunteers represented their parents, and the trainees said to their parents' representatives, "It's easier for me to make money than you guys." My life is relatively easy. "In every workshop, more than 90% of people can't say these two sentences very comfortably.
If we are happier than our parents and live a life richer than them, we will feel uncomfortable and feel guilty —this is our loyalty to our parents, even if we don't like them in our hearts. When we live better than them, we feel this sense of guilt in our hearts.
As long as this guilt is still in our unconscious, we will continue to destroy ourselves: if our parents are unhappy in marriage, we will not allow ourselves to have a better relationship than our parents; if our parents have not enjoyed money, we will not allow ourselves to enjoy it —and if they are not successful, we will not allow ourselves to succeed.
Can we only repeat the trajectory of our parents' lives to live our own lives? In later chapters, we will focus on this topic.
These are just some unconscious attitudes, no right or wrong. Be honest with yourself, see what unconscious attitudes you have about money, and write it down.
Close your eyes and think back to your parents' lives:
Maybe life is not easy for them, money is not an easy thing for them;
Maybe they need to struggle to live a good life;
Maybe they can't chase their dreams;
Maybe they don't have a very happy life and never have the opportunity to enjoy their lives;
Maybe they work very hard to make money so that you can get a good education and have a better life...
Imagine your parents in front of you and saying to them: I can make more money than you guys, and it's much easier for me to make money.
Close your eyes, feel it, can you say it comfortably? Or do you feel uncomfortable, even a little guilty?
Allow the worst to happen
Fear is an automatic response mechanism of our body, and like breathing, it is natural that it will kick in without having to do anything. In fact, it is here to protect us. For example, when we are walking in the wild and a snake suddenly appears in front of us, the muscles of our whole body will suddenly tense up and fear will appear.
Fight or escape?
How does fear work? Once our mind senses danger, that moment triggers this mechanism, and the mind sends this message to the spine, causing a variety of different changes in the body's symptoms: pupil dilating to get as much light as possible; the skin vascular contractions, delivering more blood to the main muscle groups; muscles tighten, adrenaline rises, the body is full of strength; smooth muscles relax, more oxygen enters the lungs; the digestive system and immune system, such as the immune system, which are not related to exercise, temporarily shut down, so that the system responsible for exercise gets more energy— The body is ready to fight or flee in the face of dangerous situations. It's a great mechanism. In the face of certain dangerous moments, people may not normally do what they normally can't do. They can react more quickly, run faster, and have more power.
This mechanism is touched every time we feel danger, and then physical symptoms arise. So fear is natural, allowing the body to deal with danger more alertly and be prepared for challenges. In the process of human evolution, because of such a system, we have avoided various dangers and survived.
When fear becomes a habit, it will limit your life
We all have all sorts of fears, and that's natural. But if we turn fear into a habit, it's unnatural, it's impossible to achieve your goals, and the pattern of your life is getting narrower and narrower.
Of course, it will become habitual for a reason to have an unconscious. For example, a child has been bitten by a black dog, and then, when the black dog appears in front of him, he will be afraid. Do all black dogs bite? Apparently not. His fear came from his old experiences and beliefs.
Fear may come from your disapproval of yourself, fear of others criticizing you, fear of others having an opinion about you; fear may come from your sense of worthlessness; if you have a parent who is often anxious, it may also come from accepting the habits of your parents.
You may be afraid, if you don't achieve your goal, you're ashamed, or you're afraid of losing money, or losing your friends... As a result, when something is at stake and you can't determine the outcome, you feel anxious and unable to act.
If you want to achieve a higher goal in your career, there are bound to be risks: the market may be sluggish, profits may fall; there may be competitors who are smarter than you or dishonest than you; or you make the wrong investment, an unsafe investment... Many situations can happen.
You certainly don't want that to happen. But it's part of running a business, and there are a lot of things that you can't control. If you really want a very safe life, if you want your career to be very safe and secure, you can only keep it very small so that you can control everything — and of course, this control is illusory. Then it will be very limited, very small, just like your life.
Live in peace with fear
If you want everything in your life to be under your control, very safe and secure, then you can only do one thing – put a coffin in the room and lie in it for the rest of your life – that's the only safe thing, that's the only thing in life that guarantees that something will happen, that you will die. Everything else, you can't be sure.
But it's this uncertainty that makes life so rich and so interesting.
Successful people never want to change things that are not within his control. In fact, successful people are always able to live in peace with fear. Just like a boxer, if he wants to go on stage and box, if he really wants to be a boxer, he has to allow that possibility to happen, that is, to be knocked unconscious. Otherwise, he would never be able to fight anyone.
It's like the medical philosophy of "surviving with a disease." Chronic diseases such as diabetes and hypertension cannot be cured. But if you can cooperate with the doctor's treatment and receive lifelong medication, the rest of your life can also maintain a better quality. The same is true of fear, as if it were going to rain, and all we could do was bring an umbrella in advance.
Now take a moment to think about whether you've ever been in a situation in your life where maybe you want to take a new step in your career, or create a new career, or start a new lifestyle—some of the goals you want to achieve. They make you feel at some risk and very uncertain.
What is the chance that this will happen? Really go and see. Is this really that important? Of course you don't want it to happen, but what if it happens? Is it the end of life? Is this really the most important thing in your life?
If the worst happens, is it as bad as you thought it would be? Even if it's really bad, is it temporary or permanent? Take a look.
If this thing really happened, how would you solve it, how would you survive, how would you face it?
Remember: the winner, he allows the worst to happen.
Turn difficulties into challenges and drive away negative energies
The job of our minds is to solve problems, and "where goes wrong" is its goal and excitement. You notice that when you solve a problem, the mind will immediately scan for the next target: "The problem of manpower shortage has been solved, see what problems need to be solved?" "It has to worry about something, complain about something.
This is a particular language system of the mind, which is unconscious and does not require criticism. But it allows you to focus unconsciously on negative images and sucks away your energy. Think about it, every day when you open your eyes, you have to face a situation full of problems and troubles, will you feel stressed, will you be anxious?
What are your fears/worries?
If you do an exercise, you can see this very clearly.
Close your eyes and think about a problem, a problem that has been hanging over your mind these days, and it's certainly something you don't like, something you find difficult; it can be a big problem or it can be a small one, go pick one. Then open your eyes and find a listening partner (notice if there is an unconscious voice, "I want someone else to come to me"). Do you deserve to have a good partner? Tell him about it. He didn't have to respond, just listen.
Speak out about all your fears, and you're worried about what's going to go wrong or what kind of difficulties you're going to encounter. Notice that when you are talking, the mind is enjoying it. You can keep talking all the time, and you'll probably notice that the mind really likes to talk about these kinds of things, especially women.
But what about the sensations of the body? When you think about this difficulty, this question, what is your energy? Is it heavy or light? What is your attitude towards dealing with this issue, optimistic or pessimistic? Do you think it's difficult or simple?
Change three words, change the energy field
What if we switched a language system? Give it a try now.
Repeat the question, but change three words: "problem" to "situation";
Notice that when you think about this situation compared to the previous time, is it heavy or light, do you feel simpler or more difficult? When you think about the solution, is it more optimistic or more pessimistic?
Yes, language can feel heavy. "Problem" and "difficulty" are tantamount to a label, a heavy label, as if it were "failure". They're all just a label, just a word.
It's a fact that you do something and it comes up with results that aren't what you want. You can choose what labels to put on it. You say, "Oh, I failed"—your unconscious mind often does this, "Look, you failed," and then immediately affects your emotions. You can also say, "Oh, that doesn't work." In the same case, you can label it as "failure", "difficulty", "problem", or " this doesn't work" "This is a challenge".
Let's recall the story of Edison. How many hours did Edison spend getting a light bulb to come on? He's done thousands of experiments. The wife couldn't stand him, and the colleagues couldn't stand it. Finally a colleague said to him, "Why don't you face your failures?" Give up your experiment. You can't do so many experiments, that is failure, most people give up. It was given up ten thousand times before. But Edison said, "I didn't fail, I just found ten thousand ways that didn't work." "See? So he has the energy to keep doing it.
A lot of times, it's the one you choose to put on that label that brings you fear and gives you a heavy energy. Give it a try, you can put aside "difficulty", or "failure" and change it to "challenge", because this situation is a challenge.
There is also "but", which really sucks energy, and it represents a kind of rejection. You have to say "and".
In a certain situation, if you think it's hard, it must be difficult; if you think it's a challenge, if you're excited, then you're going to learn more about yourself and it's going to be easy. The situation is still the same, but your attitude towards it is different. This is also one of the secrets of successful people.
Support those around you with love and respect for the church to reach your goals
We are all social people, and no one is an island. In the process of pursuing your goals, many people and many factors will affect you. There must be your parents in that group who give you an unconscious attitude; your partner and children, who are not in your unconscious, but they are in your life; and people who work together, who may support you or limit you.
What's so far between you and your goal?
In a workshop, we once lined up a lady with many of her resistances in pursuing her goals.
This woman, she wants to provide better material conditions for her family, so she works hard for a goal, goes to work, and works hard. However, she did not receive enough support and understanding.
Her husband thought: If the wife is too capable and will far surpass herself in the future, will she find someone else? So he pressed his hands to her shoulders.
Her parents thought: Is it necessary for a woman to take care of her children and husband at home and go out and show her face? And what if you put money in and don't get it back? So one of them grabbed one of her arms.
Career partners think: every day they know to give us such a heavy task, and they never sympathize with us, shout when they encounter a little thing, never respect us, and simply deliberately give her some mistakes. So I went up and hugged one leg.
After going to work and work in the dark all day, her body was a little unwell, and she finally collapsed. The goal was not far away, but everything in front of her confirmed: the goal could not be achieved, and it consumed a lot of her energy.
When a person is very focused on pursuing a goal, his partner may feel neglected. At this time, he may say, "You spend more time at work than with me, and you don't love me." Or maybe he's worried that after you've become very successful and rich, go find someone better. Of course, this is their unconsciousness, and when they have fear and insecurity, they will unconsciously destroy, they will complain, they will suck your energy - this will cause problems.
And the kids, who also need your time and attention. If a child feels neglected, "You spend more time on your career than on me, I want you at home," they will play tricks and attract your attention.
Your business needs to have support to do bigger, you need to have employees, business partners, investors. If you do everything yourself, your career will be small. However, they also have their own unconsciousness and worries. If they feel disrespected and feel like you're just using them, unconsciously they're destroying you.
And your body. If you only focus on the goal and don't care about your body, "I want to fight, I want to focus on this goal", ignore the body, you will get sick, have headaches, accidents, exhaustion...
Love and respect are the only energy that can be supported
A well-known study: Success depends more on EQ than IQ. The same is true of financial success. This study has been replicated many times. Only 15% of financial success depends on IQ, depending on expertise. Research plan strategies and knowledgeable information only account for 15% of your financial success. The other 85% comes from your interpersonal skills, which include EQ and BQ, which are your emotional intelligence and physical intelligence. Emotional intelligence is how to manage yourself, understand yourself, have confidence in yourself, and be able to control your life; there is also an important one, that is, to understand other people.
If you don't understand the other parts of life, if you just ignore them, they will mentally sabotage your career, even though they are not conscious.
In one case, business owners were trapped in their inability to expand their operations. Volunteers representing the cause report that they feel like they are being used as a tool. The business represents the employees of his company. If these people feel like they're not being appreciated and seen, and the boss is just interested in the goal, the money, and not interested in them, why should they work hard to support the boss?
The same is true for families. It's all too easy for us to take the support of those around us for granted. You say, "I go after goals for them, and when I make money I'll give them." "But what they want is not money, they want to be seen by you, they want you to respect them and feel that they are important."
Think about it, what is holding you back and preventing you from reaching your goals?
Does your family (not your birth family, but your current one) support you?
Have you said to them, "You are my most important person, I love you, I can't live without you, I want your support and understanding"?
How did you get support from your colleagues? How do you say it when you need your subordinates to take on something?
Compare the two ways:
1. "I'll let you do more", "I want you to do more for me", "I want you to take on this project and that project".
2. "I really appreciate your ability in this area, I feel that you have more potential in this area, do you feel that you can take on more responsibilities in these areas?" I think you can do it. ”
If you're a subordinate, which one would you like to hear?
The lady mentioned earlier, she saw her own arrogance, she sincerely expressed her love and respect for this group of people, and this group of people also gave her real understanding and blessings. As they placed their powerful palms all over her back, giving her the strength to support her, she felt herself filled with energy.
I believe that with the support of this powerful force, she will soon achieve her goals.
Accept the true father
Establish new wealth channels
There are gaps in our interiors. Because when we were young, we didn't get love and respect for being ourselves as we really are—it's the basic need for a child to be accepted, respected, and loved as they really are. We all know that few children have ever met these needs. The messages we receive from our parents are "I will love you as I want you to be", "I will love you only if you live out my expectations", and so on. We have no value in ourselves, we have to prove ourselves, we have to win the respect of others, to win the love of others. These create a vacancy within us.
In order to fill this gap, we have used a lot of methods. For example, asking for help from others, hoping that others can help us fill this hole: "Please, please make me feel better about myself", "Please make me feel loved", "Please make me feel respected", "Please make me feel that I am important, I am needed"... In life, we always want to be able to impress others.
Or fill it with food: "Eating makes me feel better"; some people use sex to make themselves feel good enough by constantly changing sexual partners; or power, able to dominate more people; or money, constantly buying things...
The problem is that nothing else can fill this gap, only oneself. But, first, we have to admit, "Yes, I don't value myself," or "I don't respect myself," that's why we do these behaviors.
There was a girl who, by all means, could not establish a good connection with money. However, she came to my class and the first question she asked was, "I came with my brother, and I want to ask for my brother..."
I immediately interrupted her: "Tell me about yourself." "I could feel that her unconscious felt unimportant, and she was very angry about that. The unconscious is hidden at the bottom, but it must all be for a reason. Unless we see it, it will always dominate our lives, and we don't know why yet.
Her account confirmed my feelings. She had always wanted to be recognized and valued by her father, but because she was a girl, his father could not see her at all and never affirmed her. She was of course angry, and when she was a little girl, her truthful appearance was not accepted. She felt like a victim, "I'm pathetic, I don't deserve enough money to live a comfortable life".
We know that in fact, in life, women are more important. Without women, there is no way to continue life. Only a few men are needed, but a lot of women are needed to keep life going. You don't even need a man, you only need to donate sperm in the hospital, and new life can appear. Women are of course more important. That's why men come up with the idea that men are more important than women.
Because no one questions it, such ideas have been passed down from generation to generation. Her father had learned this, and in his generation and earlier generations, everyone believed in such a concept. Even now, there are still a lot of women who are influenced by this idea. The girl was also influenced by this notion, causing her unconscious to believe that "I am not worthy because I am a girl".
I told her, "It's not about you, it's about your father." That's what he looks like, that's what he's learned, that he treats every woman the same way. It has nothing to do with you. He's your father, and there's no way you can replace him. All you can do is grow, to break free from the story of that unconscious little child so that you can begin to enjoy your life freely. ”
In fact, her father loved her, but in a different way. He didn't send her away because she was a girl. Unconsciously, he clung to the old rules, but he still protected his daughter. I reminded her to see this bigger image.
Yes, she had to make a choice: continue to be angry with her father, hate him, and keep herself in pain—it was none of her business. Or, she went to see the bigger picture, not with the eyes of a child: The father is such a person, this is what he has learned, he has his own limitations, it is his business, and he is not wrong. I know that it will not be easy for her, because for more than twenty years she has been living in the story of that old victim.
Parents are what parents look like, and half of you come from him. When you say, "I hate you," "I don't want you," you deny half of yourself, and you weaken yourself. If she chooses to grow, then a new neural pathway will be established in that moment. “