Not long ago, Shen Meizhuang's actor In "The Biography of Zhen Huan", Huan Xi, posted a spit on the social platform, revealing a headache and boredom of parents reading with them.
A few simple words immediately poked in the heart of a dry reading parent, some netizens tried to comfort Huan Xi, told her that accompanying kindergarten babies can be much easier than tutoring homework, online to see the sky there are parents accompanying the classic scene of scolding and roaring when reading, and being driven crazy by tutoring homework has become an unspeakable pain for parents.
Although kindergarten children do not have to help with homework such as words, but people have manual homework, poetry recitation punch cards, dance and singing performances, etc., which is also quite expensive.
It is said that the joys and sorrows between people are not the same, but the same parents, whether kindergarten parents or primary school parents, will continue to collapse in the matter of tutoring various homework, so when we see other parents on the Internet reading collapse, we can always feel the same.
Two days ago, there was a father who posted a video, and when the mother tutored her daughter's homework, she was so angry that she was angry with the "wonderful" answer of "54 yuan for a barrel of oil, 27 yuan to buy two barrels of oil".
This kind of collapse, all primary school students in the family understand!
There is also a father who tutors homework, dancing with his hands + yelling loudly + slapping the table and hitting the bench, feeling that the next second dad's heart attack is going to be committed, but what about the daughter? Trembling and sitting there, the whole person did not know how to be good.
Now the accompanying parents really can't afford to hurt, all day hard scalp with the child who seems to "don't love to learn", "can't understand learning" to fight wits and courage, accidentally let themselves hurt the body, but also let the child resist learning, which is to win at the starting line, it is clear that it is injured at the starting line!
Scolding and yelling when reading
"Kill a thousand enemies and lose eight hundred"
In fact, many parents know that scolding and yelling at their children when their reading emotions are out of control is completely a matter of "harming others and not benefiting themselves".
Every time I was angry, I always choked myself enough, and after getting angry, I remembered the helpless and scared eyes of the child just now, and began to fall into infinite regret and self-blame.
As accompanying parents, although we have a kind of emotional catharsis when we scold and yell at our children, behind the catharsis, there is a hidden expectation that parents hope that their children will change as a result, and behind the anger is the hope of stimulating him to open up from then on and soar on the road of learning.
However, this way of "catharsis" and "stimulation" of parents brings positive effects or negative guidance to children?
Tian Hongjie, a child psychology expert, said that when parents are in a state of anger, scolding and yelling at children, it will stimulate an instinctive response called "fight-escape" in the child's body, under the action of natural self-protection consciousness, the child's emotional brain responds quickly, so that brain blood flows rapidly to the limbs, so that he has the ability to "escape", at the same time, the child's brain will be in a state of relative ischemia and hypoxia, so that his thinking ability becomes slower.
This creates a negative cycle: parents swear and yell – children react more slowly – parents get angrier and yell more – children react more slowly...
At the same time, the scolding and yelling of parents will also make children fall into deep self-doubt and denial, so that he forms the cognition of "I don't love to learn", "I can't learn", "I can't learn well".
In the film "Galaxy Tuition Class" directed by Deng Chao, Ma Fei (played by Bai Yu as an adult) always couldn't keep up with the beat when he participated in school activities when he was a child, and the teacher said in front of the whole class that he was "missing a string", and although the young Ma Fei was aggrieved, he accepted the teacher's setting for him "from the heart". When his dad (Deng Chao) asks him to try to fix the globe himself, his first reaction is: "Dad, I won't, our teacher said I was missing a string." ”
Professor Susan Ward, a psychologist, said: "Children will always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas. ”
Whenever we accompany the reading because of our own anger, we say some negative and negative words that hit the child, and the impact on the child after a long time is devastating.
It's hard to build self-confidence, but it's easy to destroy it.
Reading Rage is all too common
Finding the right reason is key
Let's go back and look at why once someone on the Internet pops up the video of the rising blood pressure of the tutoring homework, the painting style in the comment area will be very consistent, and there will be a large wave of parents who will stand up and tell their own stories of the same reading.
Have you ever wondered what are the reasons for the anger of parents when reading with you?
Drag and grind
Many parents will think that their children's homework is very procrastinating, and the amount of homework that would have taken only 20 minutes to complete had to take 1 hour.
Poor concentration
When a child writes homework, he is like a kitten in the story of "kitten fishing", catching butterflies for a while, catching dragonflies for a while, or drinking water, going to the toilet, cutting pencils... In short, he can find all kinds of reasons to let his mind go out of the homework.
Carelessness
Some children are always frizzy in writing homework, either missing questions or falling on very simple topics, which makes parents angry every time.
Simple questions repeat wrong
Every time you see a child repeatedly making a mistake on the same simple knowledge point, the patience of the parent will quickly run out.
It is difficult to understand the parents' explanation
Parents give children lectures, and after exhausting their tongues, the children still look at you in a confused manner, completely out of state.
The above 5 reasons, any one out can make parents angry. The point is that many children have all of the above "traits" at the same time "accidentally", and it is nerve-wracking to change who accompanies them!
Walking in front of the child
Find out the causes of each break
After finding these reasons for the soaring blood pressure of the accompanying parents, we suppressed the anger in our hearts and found a way to break each of our own babies is king.
When the child drags and rubs, don't just angrily evaluate him: "You see you grinding and rubbing every day, what are you doing?" "When we are angry, the evaluation is with negative information, the prefrontal lobe of the brain of a child under 14 years old is not yet fully developed, he does not get what you want to do quickly through such words, the information point he obtains is "grinding - I am always very grinding", and then form self-perception, thinking that he is a very grinding person.
When you feel that the child is dragging and rubbing, you may wish to try it, do not rush to comment, but quietly observe what the child is rubbing, and accompany him to discuss how to remove the factor of "rubbing".
Second, create a quiet learning environment, and eliminate the factors that damage his concentration in advance, such as the child always runs out in the middle of writing homework to find water to drink, let him drink water first and then write homework. Children learning actually needs an environment, may wish to sit down and take this book to read, and agree with the child KPI, how much homework he writes, how many pages of books you read, once the atmosphere of learning is full, the child's interest will be raised.
Third, do not simply use "careless" and "sloppy" to define the reason for his wrong question, which will form a false cognition for the child: I lost points this time only because I was careless, as long as I am not careless, I will be very strong. But how not to be careless, he did not know. Carefully analyze the reasons for "carelessness" with the child, and seek a way, such as the child's "carelessness" is the calculation frequency of errors, then let the child pay attention to the calculation, if the child's "carelessness" is always sloppy in reading the question, then it is necessary to teach the child to learn to mark keyword words.
Fourth, when you find that children always make mistakes in very simple knowledge points, you should pay attention to it, most of the reasons are that the knowledge points are not firmly grasped, and I often tell my daughter that you will never write your name wrong, because you are familiar enough. At this time, what you need to do is to take out this knowledge point with your child, re-straighten it out, practice more reinforcement, and form a deep memory.
Fifth, when you give a child a lecture, the child always can not understand, at this time you pull the throat shouting is not able to solve the problem, may wish to seriously review the way you explain whether there is a problem, whether it is in line with your child's mental development level. For example, when you tell a second-grade child about the application problem, let him use the equation idea to solve, the child can not understand it is too normal.
Rumi said, "Between good and bad, there is a field where I will meet you." This sentence is sent to all the parents who accompany the reading, whether the child loves to learn, whether he is willing to study hard, and whether he can be full of motivation when learning, in fact, it is in your thoughts.
In short, accompanying children to learn is a practice, and it is not only the children who grow up, but also ourselves. More often we also have to thank our children, who let us have such an opportunity to grow, how can we read the true meaning of life without being a parent?