Zhang Ailing's old age, especially the last ten years of her life, was an incomparably lonely, painful, and helpless time, and the things that made her most anxious were not writing careers and survival rules, but moving, constantly moving, keeping up with addiction.
Others move to achieve a better living environment, she moves to escape reality, and in her later years it is clear that the things she escapes are lice and fleas that make her itch. Ordinary people don't move more than ten times in a lifetime, and she moved 180 times in three years at the worst, with an average of one move a week.
If there are lice and fleas, it will not be moved more than 100 times, right? So later many people analyzed what kind of disease she had, such as cleanliness, such as skin disease, and even many researchers speculated whether she was suffering from mental illness.
When she was young, Zhang Ailing was the standard for people's confidants
People who have studied psychology and pedagogy should be able to understand the underlying causes of this phenomenon. We can also understand from Zhang Ailing's life experience why she moved in her later years, she has been constantly fleeing all her life, but it is more serious in previous years.
We look at her life, although there are countless works, although there are countless fans, even if her works are still admired and fascinated decades after her death, her heart is extremely sad, and her heart is clearer than anyone.
The first is the misfortune of childhood, so that she not only did not experience the maternal love and family happiness that ordinary people should feel, but the misfortune of childhood left a deep hurt and psychological shadow in her heart.
Secondly, the lack of family education on the road to growth, school education does not supplement life education, so that her psychological world is pathological, which can understand why she does not have human fireworks at all, her late life at home does not open fire at all, do not cook, and later even eat rice will keep vomiting.
Again, on the road of love, she was hurt by true love Hu Lancheng, making her later emotional life infinitely miserable. We cannot imagine that an idealist who pursues perfect love in literature is deceived and abandoned by true love in reality, and according to common sense, she is extremely strong and brave without choosing suicide.
Meet true love Hu Lancheng, let her have no remorse
Finally, the middle-aged remarriage made her completely immersed in the extreme hardships of ordinary people's lives, so how could she figure out why fate tortured her so cruelly, and when was it a head? Now, of course, the end point is the last of her life's attachments, Raya's death in 1967. This is the most painful and complete blow to Zhang Ailing's feelings in her later years. When Raya, the last and only attachment of the rest of her life, was finally freed, she became the saddest and lonely old lady in the world.
The last of life depends on Raya
When she was young, her way to escape suffering was to move, to flee whenever there was harm, and to know that "can't afford to hide?" So there was the first escape from domestic violence, the first time to go to School in Hong Kong even after the liberation of Shanghai, the three months to escape to Japan even after going to school in Hong Kong, and the later to the strange and hard America until life was old.
Moving became the only way for her to escape and change the status quo, just as some people encounter setbacks and stay in adversity, and the original environment makes him "enough" to immediately want to change to a new environment and want a new beginning. In her later years, Zhang Ailing's situation became more and more serious, so that her "disease" was exposed to be extremely serious.
At this time, I could feel her pain and helplessness, because I once wanted to escape and fight to move. After a period of tossing and turning, let me understand that moving is only to change the objective real world, and the ultimate need to change should be their own hearts, is their own identification with the objective world, the more setbacks and adversities, the more need to open their hearts to find high and noble people to guide the confusion, on the contrary, the closure at this time will only make their "disease" worse, it has become more and more serious as Zhang Ailing's later years.
Who doesn't want to be happy and happy every day?