In 2021, Fan Xiaoxuan composed the theme song "Live Ever" for the movie "Mirror Man Tomorrow Youth", and she single-handedly wrote, arranged and produced.
She wrote in the lyrics: "I, he, you, and I are not the same, fate decides to create destiny, life and death control sacrifice happiness, I hope to dominate the ultimate freedom, redemption hope to bloom beautifully, accompany loneliness once existed, leave what is left, at least live." ”
Years later, at the age of 44, she persistently expressed herself in music, and she left behind the music, at least she once existed.
No matter what others say, no matter how much her mother doesn't understand her, she has to be herself, to be the rebel of that fate.
Fan Xiaoxuan's mother D.D. sang in the bar, 17-year-old, met a boy two years older than her, the two young people fell in love, and stole the forbidden fruit, and it was not long before D.D found out that she was pregnant.
They panicked and didn't know what to do, but their stomachs grew bigger day by day.
On February 27, 1977, Fan Xiaoxing was born, and her parents had no choice but to marry in a hurry.
After getting married, Fan Xiaoxuan's mother ran several night clubs every day and sang, working hard to earn money to support the family, while her father was still as idle as before.
Two years later, her father got tired of this family life and divorced her mother, leaving the mother and daughter behind.
Her mother had to work to earn money and could not bring up the big children alone, and later, it was Fan Xiaoxuan's grandmother who took in their mother and daughter.
Fan Xiaoxuan was particularly sensible and sensitive when she was a child, and she was very afraid that adults would not want her, so she was always very well-behaved and obedient.
Grandma went out to buy groceries and told her to obediently watch TV at home and not run around. When Grandma came back from shopping for vegetables, she saw Fan Xiaoxuan sitting on the small bench in her original posture and did not move.
Grandma looked at Xiao Xuanxuan and was funny and distressed, this child was too precocious and sensible, afraid of being disliked by adults, like her father did not want her.
Fan Xiaoxuan's mother put all her musical dreams on Fan Xiaoxuan, when she was 3 years old, her mother sent her to learn piano, at the age of seven, Fan Xiaoxuan attended the music class of Guangren Primary School, and at the age of 9, she began to learn flute.
Fan Xiaoxuan inherited her mother's musical cells, and at the age of 12, she composed a graduation song "Talk to Yourself". Two years later, she filled in the lyrics for "Talk to Yourself," a song that was later included on her album.
"The sky is gray and the rain is transparent
The heart is gray and I am transparent
Love is blind Love is crazy
Stupidity is pathetic, and I'm absolute
You are free and I am affiliated
She was forever and I was wrong
Dreams are wonderful, you are cruel."
From the lyrics, it can be seen that Fan Xiaoxuan, who grew up in a single-parent family, is depressed and unhappy, and her mother has high expectations of her, which also makes her very stressed.
Fan Xiaoxuan grew a baby fat and cute face, and one day, a scout stopped her, gave her a business card, and asked her to go to the company with the adults.
In this way, Fan Xiaoxuan took the first advertisement in her life - a chewing gum advertisement.
Fan Xiaoxuan looks cute and well-behaved, very likable, and after the advertisement was launched, the response was good.
Since then, she has filmed several advertisements and MVs in succession, so she met the godfather of Taiwanese music - Li Yaming.
Li Yaming felt that Fan Xiaoxuan had a well-behaved and agile temperament, and she studied music and had a very good sense of music, so she signed Fan Xiaoxuan to her own company.
When Xu Changde wrote songs for Fan Xiaoxuan, he did not look at Fan Xiaoxuan very well, he did not look pretty, not to mention, he was also chubby and short.
Li Yaming insisted on his opinion and began to focus on creating Fan Xiaoxuan, arranging for her to play the heroine of MTV.
After Fan Xiaoxuan entered the girlhood, she became quite beautiful.
In 1994, Fan Xiaoxuan starred in the movie "Very Detective" with jacky Cheung, Zhou Haimei and other stars, and this year, she was 17 years old.
She doesn't speak Cantonese, has no acting experience, and has been paired with Jacky Cheung, the King of Heaven, and God knows how nervous Fan Xiaoxuan is.
She is not a talented girl, but she is very spirited, and because of her outstanding performance, she was nominated for best new actor at the 14th Hong Kong Film Awards.
In April 1995, Fan Xiaoxuan released her first solo album "RAIN", and in the MTV of the theme song "RAIN", Fan Xiaoxuan wore a yellow raincoat, pure and cute, and her sweet and gentle smile touched people's hearts.
This album made Fan Xiaoxuan quickly popular, and she was awarded the most popular female newcomer in Taiwan and the top ten attractive female artists in Taiwan.
In December 1995, the company took advantage of the victory to launch Fan Xiaoxuan's second Chinese album "Self-Talk", and the theme song "Self-Talk" was the song that Fan Xiaoxuan composed and composed when he was 14 years old.
This song sings the girl's confusion and faint sadness, as if it is sung into the heart.
Fan Xiaoxuan won the Best Newcomer Idol in the Chinese Golden Melody Dragon and Tiger Chart of Minsheng Daily and the Best Newcomer Award in the Channel[V] Chinese Music Chart.
Her musical talent was affirmed, fan Xiaoxuan was sincerely happy, her mother no longer had to run so hard to run the night scene, she planned to write more and better works.
In 1996, the company selected Fan Xiaoxuan to sing the Chinese theme song of the cartoons "Cherry Pills" and "Doraemon", and her voice line with the doll voice of a girl, sweet and cute, is very suitable for singing children's songs.
In April 1996, Fan Xiaoxuan released the cartoon group music album "The Magic Book of the Little Witch", which swept the treasure island of Taiwan.
It was renamed "Your Sweet" in the mainland and published and distributed, and achieved very good sales results.
In 1998, Fan Xiaoxuan appeared on the Spring Festival Gala and sang "Health Song" with Xiaodong:
Three laps left Three laps Right
Neck twist ass twist
Go to bed early and get up early Let's do exercise
Shake your hands, shake your feet
Take deep breaths diligently
Learn grandpa singing and dancing
I'm not going to get old either
This well-known song, which is extremely well sung, made Fan Xiaoxuan a hit in the mainland.
In Taiwan, Fan Xiaoxuan's album "Little Witch's Magic Book" sold more than one million copies, and then the company stepped up the launch of "Little Witch's Magic Book No. 2".
Fan Xiaoxuan became the spokesperson of the little witch, every morning at 7 o'clock she dressed up as a little witch, wearing a big red bow, wearing a black witch cloak, dragging a big broomstick, to different schools, leading the children to do morning exercises.
Fan Xiaoxuan originally had a precocious elf living in her body, at this time she was 20 years old, she did not like to play a little witch every day, teach children to sing children's songs, and the company still wanted her to take the children's song route.
She felt like she was going crazy, she said, "A man who knows that there is a volcano in his heart, but every day he plays the role of a little girl who sells matches." ”
She met Xu Changde in the elevator and couldn't help but whisper, "Singing health songs every day is really annoying!" ”
Xu Changde did not pay attention to her, the company's arrangement, she still obediently went.
When the company discussed Fan Xiaoxuan's new album, ready to continue the cute style, Fan Xiaoxuan boldly said her thoughts, she did not want to sing the little girl's song anymore, she wanted to try a new musical style.
The company denied her idea, which made Fan Xiaoxuan feel rebellious, and she went to the hair salon to cut the head of a boy for herself, changing the sweet and lovely image of the past.
In this way, the company was forced to be helpless and promised that the new album would be produced by Fan Xiaoxuan himself.
In 1997, when Fan Xiaoxuan was shooting advertisements in Shanghai, she met the musician Li Quan, Who also studied classical music, and the musical concepts of the two were very similar, so Fan Xiaoxuan invited Li Quan to sing.
On the new album "Darling", Li Quan composed two songs for Fan Xiaoxuan, "Blue Qipao" and "Crying".
Fan Xiaoxuan herself composed the theme song "Darling" and "Digital Love", "Lost Love", "Tell Her", "Coffee", almost covering most of the album's creation.
After the album was released, the market sales were dismal, and a sweet and well-behaved girl suddenly changed her image and sang jazz-style rock music, which was really unacceptable for a while.
She said, "Actually, I have never changed, and I have always been like this about music. If you can make your favorite music, it's worth it. I am Fan Xiaoxuan, 21 years old, doing the music I want to make. ”
Fan Xiaoxuan's song "Darling" won the fifth Chinese chart, and Channel[V] was the most popular TOP 20 song.
The new album has not been recognized by the market, and the company does not plan to let Fan Xiaoxuan continue to be willful, but after Fan Xiaoxuan tried to make the music she wanted to make, she was unwilling to go back to being that sweet little girl.
In November 1999, Fan Xiaoxuan released the album "I Want Us together", she wrote on the inside page of the album, "I am not a popular idol, I only need a small number of people to really understand me, it is enough." 」 ”
Li Quan tailored the theme song "I Want Us to Be Together" for her, with a hint of laziness, a hint of elegance and a touch of sexiness.
In 2000, at the award ceremony of the 11th Taiwan Golden Melody Awards, when Zhang Guorong announced the award for the album "I Want Us Together" on stage, Fan Xiaoxuan was so happy that she almost cried.
She thanked producer Lin Weizhe, "He has always encouraged me to have confidence in my own things and not to be afraid." ”
The album "I Want Us Together" won two awards at the 11th Taiwan Golden Melody Awards for Best Pop Vocal Album and Best Music Video.
Fan Xiaoxuan's time as a well-behaved woman was too long, she had suppressed it for too long, and she wanted to be herself as she wanted, so she dyed a yellow hair, tattooed a large tattoo on her arm, and beat her tongue ring and lip nails, saying goodbye to her former self in a determined gesture.
From a well-behaved girl who is praised by her to a rebellious and bad girl who is maverick, teenagers follow her to imitate her new image, parents complain, and the media has vigorously attacked her as a "fallen girl" and "bad girl".
D.D also feels that her daughter's transformation is too great to be accepted by the public, and she has achieved today's results with great difficulty and cannot be destroyed in her own hands.
Fan Xiaoxuan is still going her own way, and she will not go back.
Her reputation plummeted, and she left the company to set up her own studio.
But the road of independent musicians is not easy, although her album won an award, but the sales are not good, and the public's acceptance of her songs is not high. When she took her work to the record company to seek cooperation, the record company did not dare to invest in her, proposing to add a few popular songs to the album.
If it were someone else might compromise, but Fan Xiaoxuan flatly refused, she didn't want her works to be destroyed, she wanted to preserve their integrity.
At this time, there was a person who silently accompanied Fan Xiaoxuan, and he was Zhou Junwei.
Chow Chun Wai is a Hong Kong singer who had a chance to perform on the same stage in Vancouver in 1998, when Chow Chun Wai admired Fan Xiaoxuan.
Later, at the launch of Fan Xiaoxuan's new album, Zhou Junwei held the rose in front of everyone and loudly confessed to Fan Xiaoxuan, "I want us to be together!" ”
The girl's heart rippled, and in this way, Zhou Junwei walked into Fan Xiaoxuan's life.
Fan Xiaoxuan looks stubborn on the outside, but in fact, she is very fragile and sensitive inside, and when her music is not understood and recognized, she is very bitter and entangled.
She suffered from insomnia for a long time, couldn't sleep, and slowly began to have auditory hallucinations, and she suffered from depression.
Zhou Junwei was worried that Fan Xiaoxuan would do stupid things, put away all the sharp weapons at home, in order to help Fan Xiaoxuan out of depression, he also went to study psychology.
Fan Xiaoxuan said that she had a bad temper and got angry and wanted to smash everything, while Zhou Junwei tolerated all her bad temper.
She wrote in her diary, "I only shed tears on you because I was strong on the outside. ”
Fan Xiaoxuan was depressed and gathered with a group of sisters and drank and reveled. Photographed by bad media, slandering her for being an alcoholic and promiscuous.
These negative news made Fan Xiaoxuan feel that the world was terrible, and she took the bad media to court, but her image was still greatly affected.
Fan Xiaoxuan stood on the tall building of the hotel, looking at the lights of wanjia, her mind was gray, she took a step forward, she had a hundred thoughts.
At this time, Zhou Junwei saw that the situation was not right and pulled her aside.
Zhou Junwei hugged her and comforted her, "No matter what, you still have music, and I." Zhou Junwei pushed off a lot of work, and was bent on accompanying Fan Xiaoxuan and accompanying her through the difficult days.
In 2001, Fan Xiaoxuan released the independently produced solo album "The Best of the World", which is an album with a strong nostalgia, and the song "YOU DON'T TRUST ME AT ALL" composed by Fan Xiaoxuan carries the jazz rock style that Fan Xiaoxuan has always liked.
Fan Xiaoxuan's mother, D.D, was once a jazz singer, and she once said to Fan Xiaoxuan, "A person whose heart has not been broken and has not been defeated by pain cannot sing the taste of jazz." ”
This year, Fan Xiaoxuan was 24 years old, she was confused, painful, heartbroken, and even she thought about giving up her life.
Big S, Zhou Junwei and Fan Xiaoxuan's friends all participated in the creation of this album, more like an album of a group of friends playing tickets, but it expresses Fan Xiaoxuan's musical attitude.
In a handwritten letter to the media, she said: "I can't believe many things anymore! So after that, I will not have so-called publicity activities, and before I can figure out how to survive and face this society, I don't think I will take the initiative to appear, and thank you for the space my record company gives me! I hope that people who like my music, please do not negate my efforts and efforts in recent years, or influence the evaluation of this album, if it is good music, please give it a little encouragement! ”
After the release of "Peerless Celebrity", Fan Xiaoxuan's heart was much firmer, and she and Zhou Junwei and Jin Muyi formed the "Fushou" group.
In 2003, they released the electronic album "Prologue", which won the 4th Chinese Media Music Best Electronic Artist Award.
I thought that she and Zhou Junwei would become more and more inseparable along the way, whether emotionally or musically, but the two finally broke up.
Fan Xiaoxuan said, "Zhou Junwei is so good, I don't deserve him." ”
Perhaps from the beginning of the two people's feelings are not equal, Zhou Junwei has paid too much for Fan Xiaoxuan, so that Fan Xiaoxuan is very stressed, she does not want to become a burden to others, nor does she want to change herself because of others.
After breaking up with Zhou Junwei, Fan Xiaoxuan was in a very bad mood, she hid at home and buried her head in music, her mother was very worried about her, after making a meal, she gave it to her to eat, and could only silently care about her.
In 2004, Fan Xiaoxuan released the album "Is There Any Other Way", this album is basically Fan Xiaoxuan independently created and completed, she originally named the album "It's Me", and later felt that everyone would have a melancholy time, there was anger towards the world, there was compromise, there was helplessness, so she changed the album name to "Is there any other way"
In the album, Fan Xiaoxuan's "Out of the Balloon" won the 2005 Xincheng Chinese Song Award.
In 2005, Fan Xiaoxuan published a collection of his essay diaries from 2001 to 2003, "Scribble".
In the book, she wrote: "Don't say that it is avant-garde, or willful, or run fast, or self, etc., I just grew up on the road, with what I liked, disliked, pursued, and given up, and these things combined became the only 'Fan Xiaoxuan' in the world." ”
Fan Xiaoxuan met a very special man, and she finally found a man with the same frequency as her, a band guitarist named Allen.
In 2007, Fan Xiaoxuan formed Fan Xiaoxuan >100% Orchestra, with herself as the lead singer, including guitarist Allen, bassist Chen Yanqi (Mo) and drummer Ren Baizhang (Robert).
In the same year, they released their debut EP "Breakthrough", and the album "Belonging" was co-written by her and Allen, expressing her concept of love.
In 2008, with the album "Breakthrough", Fan Xiaoxuan &100% Orchestra was nominated for the Best Orchestra Award at the 19th Golden Melody Awards.
In the show, Fan Xiaoxuan publicly admitted her relationship with Allen, which was a big surprise, Allen's face was bearded, not tall, not handsome, nameless, and tattooed on his arm.
Fan Xiaoxuan's mother is also very dissatisfied with her daughter's new boyfriend, and Zhou Junwei is simply too different.
The best sister, Little S, also voted against it, "You want to find a handsome guy!" ”
Fan Xiaoxuan countered Xiao S and said, "I think he is very good, I like his appearance." ”
Even if the whole world opposes, she wants to be with Allen, and this is her life.
Allen, an unmarried man, told Fan Xiaoxuan that he was only in love, not married. If Fan Xiaoxuan can't accept it, then they can break up now.
Fan Xiaoxuan grew up in a single-parent family, and she did not have any illusions about marriage.
She said, "In my world, there is no marriage and no procreation. ”
Friends said that this is really a pair of "weird coffee".
No matter what others say, Fan Xiaoxuan and Allen have a stable relationship, she said, "Even if they love each other, two people are different individuals, and they must tolerate each other." ”
When Fan Xiaoxuan participated in the "Strange Life" hosted by Aya, Aya said to her, "You are still very beautiful and talented, and you should be seen by everyone." ”
Fan Xiaoxuan smiled and said, "I just don't want to be seen."
She just wants to make music quietly, sing quietly to people who like her, and live quietly.
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