Recently, I saw an interview with a private investigator, which was very interesting.
This private investigator is named Dai Pengjun, and his main business is in three categories: marriage investigation, dissuading Xiao San, and marriage recovery.
He has been in the industry for 19 years, has accepted thousands of marriage investigations, and he has seen countless cheating marriages.
He receives the client, first confirms whether it is the original match, and then asks the client three questions.
Whether there is cheating, three questions are asked, and he has a spectrum.
Which three questions?
First, are you separated or do you have a separate bed?
Second, has the couple's life decreased?
Third, will the other half travel frequently or return late?
If all three answers are "yes", cheating, eight or nine is not far from ten.
01
What kind of marriage is prone to cheating?
"Any marriage can be cheated."
"However, it is more common that both parties grow up in a marriage with different frequencies."
Thinking of the TV series "The First Half of My Life", Luo Zijun's husband has a lot of income, giving her a lot of pocket money every month, and the housework nanny does.
She is a rich lady with ten fingers that does not stick to the spring water, except for taking care of the children, she dresses herself beautifully every day.
Image credit: Screenshot of "The First Half of My Life"
She rarely pays attention to her husband's emotions and thoughts.
And Chen Junsheng is a man with a sense of enterprise, with his own understanding and cognition, and Luo Zijun has been living in his own small world.
When she learned that her husband had cheated on Ling Ling, whose appearance, education was inferior to her own, and who still had a child, she collapsed and denounced Chen Junsheng for breaking his promise and fate for being unfair to her.
Although it has nothing to do with what a man wants to cheat on his wife, because there is often only one reason for cheating, that is, he wants to cheat.
But I have to admit that in real life, marriage also needs to be managed.
If one person runs hard and the other person stays still, there is bound to be a gap.
In the long marriage, two people develop in different directions, the pace of growth is inconsistent, there is no common topic, and the feelings are getting weaker and weaker.
And the results of different frequencies either leave or consume each other.
02
That found out that the object is cheating and wants a divorce?
Many people will say, "Leave, must leave, there are only zero times and countless times of cheating." Once unfaithful, a hundred times not. ”
It can be found in Dai Pengjun's private detective career:
Almost half of the wives just confirm it and then go on, and 10% of the women with financial resources will pay high fees to persuade the third child to withdraw and redeem the marriage.
Le Mama was also very surprised by this phenomenon.
Thinking of a mother in the Bao Mama group, her husband cheated on her, and almost the whole group was "persuaded to leave", but she hesitated, did not make up her mind, and did not have the courage.
Everyone was anxious for her, hating iron not steel: "Can this be endured?" ”
She said: "I have no place to stay without me. Who brings children? I haven't been working for two years, and if I go to work, my salary is estimated to be only enough to survive, let alone ask a nanny to take the children. ”
When she said the problem she was facing, Xiaobian understood it very well.
It's not that she doesn't want to leave, she is weighing the pros and cons and helplessly continuing to endure this flawed marriage.
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Although the divorce is very rigid at the moment, what about life after just finishing?
It really needs to have strong courage to face it, and it also needs economic strength to support this "rigidity".
Divorce requires courage, and it takes courage to live a good life after divorce.
Sigh again, stay-at-home moms are a "high-risk" profession.
Others think that you are very relaxed with children at home, do not have to worry about the economy, do not have to worry about work, there is no pressure in life.
And actually?
Taking a baby is no easier than going to work;
Free au pairs with no income;
Society does not recognize your value;
It is difficult to return to the workplace;
My husband doesn't understand...
Xiaobian can understand the "bitterness" of full-time mothers very well, because Xiaobian has also experienced it.
But if you can choose, Xiaobian still sincerely hopes that mothers can be "selfish", think more about themselves, make themselves competitive, and let themselves have the ability and confidence to leave at any time.
03
A good marriage must be evenly matched
Marriage is a game, and your strength determines whether you win or lose this game.
A marriage license is at best a ticket, a good marriage, it is a tie, you are excellent, I am not bad.
In 1927, Chiang Kai-shek and Soong Mei-ling got married, and everyone thought that she had a crush on his power, he looked at the dollar behind her, and everyone was not optimistic about their political marriage.
Soong Mei Ling loved french plane trees, and Chiang Kai-shek ordered people to buy French plane trees in large quantities and plant them all over the streets of Nanjing.
A man with a heart for the world expresses his love with the most primitive power.
In fact, Soong Mei-ling also became the most perfect wife in Chiang Kai-shek's mind.
The "First Lady" Soong Mei Ling, who spoke English more fluently than her native language, was Chiang Kai-shek's diplomatic assistant.
Image credit: Screenshot of "The First Half of My Life"
After the Xi'an Incident, Chiang Kai-shek became a prisoner of the order, and Song Meiling risked her life to come to Xi'an, carrying with her Chiang Kai-shek's favorite plum vegetables.
In 1943, she gave a speech in the U.S. Congress, becoming the first Chinese to give a speech in the U.S. Congress, and blew the "Whirlwind of Song Meiling" in the United States.
Chiang Kai-shek commented on her: "Madame's ability is worth 20 army divisions. ”
After Chiang Kai-shek's defeat in Taiwan, Soong Mei-ling has always accompanied him and has no complaints or regrets.
Chiang Kai-shek had no faith, but he converted to Christianity for his wife.
In the Xi'an incident, Chiang Kai-shek was worried about his accident, and wrote a suicide note to instruct his two sons: "In my life, only Madam Song is my only wife..."
This can't help but make people think deeply, Chiang Kai-shek had two marriages, why did he only work with Soong Mei Ling for the rest of his life?
Probably because they perfected each other, neither looking up nor looking down.
Gao Pan will be wronged and will not be reconciled. Only when the chess is against the opponent and the opponent is evenly matched, can it be stable for a long time, and the white head is inseparable.
04
Write at the end
I always remember a sentence by Zhang Ailing: "All women, in the end, have a place to live, not others, only themselves." ”
As a woman, I always want to have a shoulder that I can rely on to protect myself for a lifetime, but more often, if I am not independent, my life will be a chicken feather.
Women in marriage must be both financially independent and independent in personality, and independence is your greatest strength.
Marriage is also a practice, it can be boring, but it cannot be without cognition.
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As Yang Lan said: "The most tenacious bond of marriage is not children, not money, but spiritual growth together." ”
Two people together, if the spirit comes to the door, it is difficult for you to take apart other things.
The key to a happy marriage is not to find a perfect person, but to find someone and grow together.
When one of the husband and wife is weak and helpless, when the soul is lost, the other person must support his or her spine, hold up his or her chin, and give each other strength.
In addition to love and affection, a good marriage also has the righteousness of liver and gallbladder, the tacit understanding of not abandoning, and the unforgettable kindness.
So no matter when, you must enrich yourself and make yourself strong and excellent enough.
Growing up together in marriage is the pillar of embracing a happy future together.
• End •