Cooperative unit/Hunan Academy of Educational Sciences
Hunan Provincial Education Association Primary and Secondary School Mental Health and Career Education Professional Committee
Expert of this issue / Wang Linbo, head of psychology teaching and research team of Xiya Middle School in Changsha, Hunan Province
Moderator/Science and Education News Reporter Wang Yan
Chinese female freestyle skier Gu Ailing achieved a good result of 2 gold and 1 silver at the Beijing Winter Olympics, and she also swept the entire Internet. She has many labels on her body that make people admire: "China's third gold", "Stanford school bully", "genius beautiful girl", "net worth or over 100 million"... Gu Ailing's success is indeed difficult to replicate, but her psychological characteristics are worth learning.
After the game, a reporter asked Gu Ailing what she thought of the unfriendly evaluation of her on the Internet. She said: "I don't really care if people are satisfied... I'm enjoying the whole process and I feel like I'm doing my best. ”
Many students said, "'Don't care about the outside world, others evaluate' is easy to say, but it is too difficult to do." ”
Why does Gu Ailing do not care about the evaluation of others? How should we treat other people's evaluations? Mr. Wang Linbo, a master of applied psychology from Beijing Normal University and head of the psychology teaching and research team of Xiya Middle School in Yuelu District, Changsha City, Hunan Province, was invited to answer questions.
In the face of complicated evaluations and speculations from the outside world, Gu Ailing showed that "I do my own good, I am responsible for my own life; whether you like me or not is your business", which is a kind of freedom, but also a strong heart. Gu Ailing's "strong heart" stems from the following aspects:
First, achieve the separation of topics
A person who separates "himself" from "others", clarifies the boundaries, bravely assumes his own responsibilities, and does not interfere with the choices of others, in psychology, it is called "subject separation". For their own subjects, have the courage to face them, do not shirk their responsibilities, and go all out; for the subjects of others, do not interfere, do not get involved, and respect the boundaries of others. In short, it is to take care of yourself and respect others.
Psychologist Adler believes that the separation of topics can solve most of the troubles in life, and people have to think about "whose problem is this?" Which are your own topics and which are other people's topics, and then calmly draw a clear line, do not interfere with other people's problems, and do not let others interfere with your own problems.
Topic separation allows us to reduce the annoyance and internal friction caused by external evaluation and focus on our own topics. If we always think about "what others will think, what others think of me", this is living in other people's problems, rather than controlling our own problems, called topic confusion. If the topics are confused, we are prone to be overly sensitive to the evaluation of others, look ahead, get lost in a complex evaluation, and naturally cannot really be ourselves.
Everyone has their own preferences, and we can't do that to satisfy everyone. The evaluation and opinion of others, which is the subject of others. Whether others like us or not, we can't control it. If others really don't like us, we have to be able to accept it, which is the "courage to be hated."
Go all out to do your own thing and be responsible for your own life, this is your own subject. Doing a good job of separating the subjects will allow us to shield ourselves from the noise and noise of the outside world and focus on where our hearts are.
Second, focus on your own subject - a strong grasp of the goal
Love leads to focus, focus brings enjoyment. As an athlete, although Gu Ailing is also concerned about how to surpass others and how to make the ranking higher, she is more concerned about whether she can do a good job of difficult actions. For her, it makes far more sense to do everything in her power to push her own and even human limits than to surpass an athlete — a sign of a strong grasp of the goal.
In the process of striving to achieve the goal, we will inevitably encounter difficulties and challenges, sometimes from the task itself, sometimes from the outside world. Thinking of surpassing others, the mood will fluctuate because of the ups and downs of others, and will also be disappointed in themselves because they are inferior to others; but thinking of improving and surpassing themselves, this goal is much more stable, and the sense of meaning, achievement, and self-worth accumulated by people in the process is also much firmer, and they will not be discouraged by the bad comments of strange netizens.
Gu Ailing's persistence in mastering the goal and a firm sense of self-worth have formed a positive positive cycle.
Third, have an objective and stable internal evaluation system
Stable internal system refers to a person's internal stability to evaluate the relationship between the self and the outside world, imagely like a tumbler, so that it can maintain a "unchanged" state in change. If a person has an objective and stable internal evaluation system, he can screen and screen the external evaluation, look at it dialectically, and will not let the external evaluation fundamentally shake his subjective perception and core concepts. When faced with the complicated evaluations or malicious speculations of the outside world, Gu Ailing's freedom and pattern stem from her positive self-concept and firm sense of self-worth. This positive and stable internal evaluation system is also a powerful weapon that she is invincible. As teenagers, we need to know ourselves holistically and affirm ourselves positively. No matter how the outside world views you, especially when you are not treated with kindness, always love yourself, believe in yourself, and accept yourself.
Learn to separate topics, not live in the subjects of others, focus on your own topics, build an objective and stable internal evaluation system, and may you and I all live out ourselves and bloom ourselves.