Since I started writing about emotions, I've always received questions from readers about feelings.
Most of the people who ask the most are women who have emotional problems, and most of them blame their emotional misfortune on their lack of beauty.
"If I were younger and prettier than that woman, his heart wouldn't have been taken away..."
I've heard things like that too many times.
But in fact, they did not find a reason for it from themselves.
Because, what really attracts men to a woman is neither her beauty nor her beautiful clothes, but the unique light she really has. Such a light will make men 100% devoted to love and 100% sincere to her.
Although most men in this world like white and beautiful women, the women who men choose to marry themselves are often ordinary-looking women.
Beautiful women may be able to seduce men's hearts, but this kind of "seduction" is often temporary. Although men are lustful, they often have a clear distinction between the women they like and the women they love deeply.
Therefore, the women who can really hook the hearts of men are often not beautiful women.
-02-
Rene Liu once mentioned in an article the story of her encounter with her husband Zhong Shi.
She asked Zhong Shi, "How did you feel when you first saw me?" ”
Zhong Shi replied, "The girl in the shirt and jeans, holding a big camera to shoot east and west, I like it when I see it." ”
At that time, Zhong Shi was an avid photography enthusiast, and Rene Liu happened to be the same.
At that time, Zhong Shi had no shortage of women around him who were more beautiful than Liu Reuying, but he was attracted by this light temperament of Liu Reuying, and he liked it at first glance, and then he fell deeply in love.
I think that the first time Liu Ruoying and Zhong Shi met, the reason why they would quickly "hook" Zhong Shi's heart, in addition to appearance, is also because Liu Ruoying has a special feature that Zhong Shi likes: the irresistible beauty emitted between her hands and feet makes Zhong Shi's eyes unable to move away from her.
Therefore, what a woman really likes when a man sees it, and it is rooted in her heart, it is never her beauty, but her pure soul.
-03-
However, most women in life will always think that appearance is the first productive force, men are visual animals, and the reason why men fall in love with themselves is often because of their beauty.
Therefore, for the sake of love, in order to become beautiful, some people do not hesitate to use knives in their own faces; some people humbly please each other to make up makeup that they do not like at all...
Despite this, it is still impossible to really get the man's heart, and in the end, he still has to watch the man he loves being "hooked" by other women, and his heart is hateful and annoyed.
Actually, there's really no need for that.
For men, there are two kinds of beauty, one is the appearance, the other is the temperament.
Appearance can attract men's attention at the first time, but after a long time, men are tired and bored; but the temperament is different, the longer men get along with this woman, the more they can be deeply impressed by the unique temperament that this woman brings.
As Jiang Sida said: "You can make Fan Bingbing every day, but you can't read Lin Huiyin every day." Quick-acting things often fail to reach true beauty. ”
Therefore, for women, do not use their appearance and dress as a weapon that can "seduce" men.
This point, Wang Anyi in "Long Hate Song", has already told women:
"Good looks are actually deceitful, and it is not others who are deceived, it is oneself." Good looks, do you not know it is okay, a few years later, you will be confused, but in that place in Shanghai, they are all scrambling to tell you, lest you not know. Therefore, not only do you lie to yourself, but also lie to you in unison, so that you think that it is good to spend a good month and never disperse. Help you dream together, everything is different, the dream can not wake up. ”
-04-
Therefore, the place where a woman can really "seduce" a man is not how high her appearance is.
Maybe in the beginning, beauty can become your temporary capital, and you can easily get the love you want with it.
But, with the passage of time, your youth is no longer, your face is no longer there, and there are more young and beautiful little girls around the man you love, what should you do?
Therefore, in order to retain a man's heart, first of all, there must be something that is not replaced.
So, stop obsessing over your beauty all day and can't help yourself.
You should be a unique and complete self, give yourself a completely independent world and space, read more books, see more of the world, do more of what you want to do, and dig out more of your hobbies. When one day your spiritual world is rich enough, your experience is rich enough, and your heart is rich enough, you will find that the present you are more beautiful than the past you.
This beauty is not the beauty of the face that comes with the innate, but the inner beauty cultivated to you by the day after tomorrow, it is a kind of temperament beauty of "having poetry and bookishness in the belly", and it is a kind of inner pure and powerful charm beauty.
Such a self, do not say that you like, men will also like it more, more deeply love.
-05-
Min Xiaoxi has something to say:
Since writing the emotional essay, I found that I also liked the inspirational emotional story, those women who were hurt by the emotion, some came out of the failed feelings, and then transformed into butterflies, lived another self, and also harvested better love.
When the feelings are not satisfactory, just calm down and think about the reason why the other party's heart is not on you.
You can't be pretty enough, but you can't lose the inside that's good enough. For example, your own light attributes, such as your unique hobbies.
If the man you love only values appearance and doesn't pay attention to anything else, then, in essence, he is also an unreliable man. Instead of hurting the heart for such a man, it is better to see it earlier.
Women always have to remember that your independence, your self-confidence, and your temperament are your confidence in love.
Back to reality, I usually hear people talk about whether IQ or emotional intelligence is important to succeed? Later, he said that there must be financial intelligence, all of which is important, but the most important thing is to have a big picture. You can be careful, but not too trivial, and the purpose of being thoughtful is to do things more thoroughly. You can't avoid the selfishness of human nature, but you can't abandon the respect for others and gratitude for their efforts.
At work, you may be an employee or a team leader, not necessarily able to empathize, but at least you have to understand that what you are doing is part of achieving the goal of collective work, the quality of your work will affect the overall situation, and the sense of responsibility will naturally be displayed in the process.
Here is a set of recommended series of books, "Pattern", "Vision", "Emotional Intelligence", "Strategy" and "Insight", according to personal interests, you can choose one or two to read with your heart, will certainly be enlightened on your mental growth, quality cultivation, social adaptability, interpersonal relationship improvement and other aspects. Let us strive to become young people in the new era with a larger pattern, a wider heart and a higher vision in the process of reading and studying.