Zhuang Di Xiaomeng / Seeing the essence through the story
Illustration/from the web
introduction:
There is a saying in the Analects of Wei Linggong: "The Son knows: 'Forgiveness!' Do not do to others what you do not want. ’”
What you can't do on your own, you can't ask others to do it, this is the foundation of people.
It is reasonable to put this principle in the process of interpersonal interaction, and violators are double standards
But to put it in a relationship between the sexes, it seems that it is not so reasonable, because in marriage and love, men and women have never really been equal.
A man who has lived with his ex-girlfriend still wants to find a pure girl when talking about marriage, and once he learns that his future partner has lived with someone else, he can't accept it.
This is a double standard in the eyes of women, they are pure, they can ask the other half to be pure; they have lived with others, why do they mind that the other half has a history of cohabitation?
On this subject, I interviewed two men and they both told the truth.
Real Case 1 (Authorized)
Xiao Wang is engaged in foreign trade work and has made two girlfriends, but neither of them has come together.
Now he wants to rely on blind dates to solve lifelong events, and one of his requirements for women is that there is no history of cohabitation.
When it comes to some double standards, he responded like this: "I graduated from a master's degree, with an annual income of about 350,000 yuan, and the motorhome under my name is all full payment, I think I have the capital to ask for this." ”
He was very honest, did not hide it, but said all the words in his heart.
Although he has lived together for two periods, he does not allow his future wife to have such an experience.
Real Case 2 (Authorized)
Xiao Zhang's conditions are not particularly good, but he also bought a house and a car after spending two generations of savings, and gave a dowry of 100,000 to his blind date.
When it comes to blind dates, he is not particularly satisfied, and the reason why he chose to get married is simply that there is no other choice at the moment.
He once said, "I care a lot about her past, and even if I married her, I couldn't give her complete love." ”
"Although I have also lived with my ex-girlfriend, it is I who buy a house and a car and pay the bride price, as a party who pays, I am naturally unbalanced."
This is probably the real psychology of many men.
Xiao Meng has something to say:
Most men mind that women have lived with others before, and everything is just the difference between saying and not saying.
Many people feel that a man who has lived with others is not qualified to mind a woman's past, and on the surface, this sentence seems to make a lot of sense, but it does not stand up to careful scrutiny.
First, men with good conditions take the initiative.
Marriage is a process of mutual selection, in which the better-off party is destined to have more choices.
For people with superior conditions, mate selection is more like an interview, and men with excellent conditions do not worry about marrying.
When his conditions reached a certain level, there were young and beautiful girls who wanted to marry him, and he made some requests, and there were always girls who could meet them.
Men looking for the other half, usually are downward compatible, girls want to find men with good conditions have to fight for capital, and the innocent past is also one of the capital.
Second, men are the one who gives.
A woman has no house, no car, no savings, no one will say anything about her, she can marry as she pleases.
But men are different, if a man has no house, no car and no savings, everyone thinks that he is not interested, such conditions are not even eligible for blind dates.
In the matter of marriage, men and women are inherently unequal, men have to go out of the house and car to pay the bride price, and women can get married without any need to come out.
So in the process, men will feel that they have suffered losses.
Finally, women's attitudes that vary from person to person are chilling.
Even if men do not have cleanliness habits, they will feel cold after seeing women's different attitudes.
A woman gives her most precious things in a rental house of hundreds of rents, and then asks another man to spend millions of dollars to buy a house and a car for the bride price to marry her.
The ex-boyfriend enjoyed her most precious things without spending a penny, but she asked to accompany her husband for the rest of her life to buy a house and a car for the bride price.
This translates to something that no man can accept.
In real life, there are also some men who will marry women who have lived with others before, but the premise is that they are average or not good at all, and there is no extra choice at all.
Because there is no choice, so it is reluctant to settle, such a marriage is just a partner to live a life, and has nothing to do with love.
Although two people live together, but the man has no way to give 100% love to his wife, this kind of marriage is actually very unstable.
Contemporary women hate the doctrine of chastity the most, and they feel that this is feudal thinking, a kind of oppression of women, which is not the case.
If people can achieve true equality between men and women, naturally there will be no men who mind women's past, but the problem is that there is no equality in marriage at present.
A man who wants to get married must prepare the corresponding material conditions, otherwise he will not have the capital to get married.
In the matter of marriage and love, the capital of men is material conditions, and the capital of women is chastity.
No man wants to spend two generations of savings, buy a house, buy a car, give a bride price, and marry a woman who lived with someone else before marriage.
Everything is fair, men prepare material conditions, women can not come up with the corresponding capital, this is called unfair.
Original author of the Zhuang Di Xiaomeng/Emotional Column
May your life be full of surprises, and may your happiness come as scheduled.