In the TV series "Heart Residence", Gu Qingyu (played by Tong Yao) and Shi Yuan (played by Feng Shaofeng) are divorced after all.
The marriage of the two was not optimistic from the beginning.
One is a corporate executive who graduated from a prestigious university, worked in an investment bank, and earned an annual salary of several million;
One is a poor boy with a sick mother, millions in debt, and a fake marriage to someone else to earn money.
But the two still stubbornly entered the marriage, believing that love can make up for the gap in the portal.
After marriage, the two gradually discovered:
Portal gaps create rifts in relationships that are hard to patch.
Behind the portal gap, it is not only the economic gap, but the gap and the gap in all aspects.
They, from a satisfied and firm choice to marry, to a later disappointment in separation and divorce:
Gave us a very important marriage practice lesson.
After insisting on going his own way
Probably a chicken feather
Many young men and women, with no life experience, always feel that the door-to-door pair is an outdated concept of the older generation.
When I really insisted on going into marriage, I found that:
Door-to-door is really a very important measure of marriage.
Like Tong Yao and Feng Shaofeng in "Heart Residence".
Tong Yao felt that Feng Shaofeng could obviously borrow money from himself, but he did several part-time jobs alone and did not sleep all night.
This approach, although for self-esteem, is really inefficient.
For Feng Shaofeng, living in his wife's house, relying on his wife's relationship to enter the company, taking his wife's money to treat his mother... He was frustrated everywhere.
Later, he began to lie and hide in the card house to play cards, and the gap and contradiction between the two gradually arose.
There is also a friend next to me, who does not listen to the advice of his parents and insists on choosing his current husband to marry.
Two people, from the family background, the environment in which they grew up, the level of education they received... Every aspect varies greatly.
She thought that even if the gap between the two was very large, as long as the two had love, there would be no problem in this marriage.
But when you enter the marriage, you find that even if you have been very careful to maintain your husband's self-esteem:
Contradictions still gradually grew, and finally one day, her husband yelled at her like Feng Shaofeng did to Tong Yao:
"I know you're a female bodhisattva, and when you marry me, it's a disaster."
After crossing this robbery, you can canonize the gods! ”
Without the two knowing it, the relationship gradually became unbalanced.
Both feel aggrieved and tired, she feels that she has taken good care of each other, and the man feels that the "care" he has endured is more like pressure.
She said to me without regret: "I used to think that the door was not important, but now I have understood that I want to divorce several times:
Door-to-door pairing is really the primary condition, and only then can we deeply appreciate how important the door-to-door pair in the mouths of the elders is. ”
Yes, when encountering contradictions, this portal gap will be more vividly displayed.
Door-to-door pairs do not only refer to material conditions, "when" and "right":
In fact, it is the three views behind it, the concept of marriage, the concept of fertility, the concept of education, and so on.
The cognition and thinking brought to us by the original family conditions are deeply rooted.
It is difficult to make a leap in qualitative change because of the love of two people.
Impulsively entering marriage will face the harsh reality of a chicken feather.
Portal gaps are only scratching the surface
There are multiple chasms behind it
A certain red book was very popular for a while.
It is to make a table of your own conditions with your boyfriend, and then send it up for everyone to evaluate, which is not a door-to-door pair.
Enter "Door to Door" above, there are more than 10,000 related posts.
Someone else built a hashtag #Door-to-Door Pair, which soon had more than 4 million views.
And these young girls may not yet realize:
The door is right, the right, the right, but not only these conditions;
Behind the gap in conditions, the differences in spirit and mind between the two people in terms of thinking, behavior, emotional patterns and so on.
At the same time, marriage is not only a matter for two people, but also a matter for two families.
Like one of my sisters, after insisting on marrying the "phoenix man" in the eyes of others:
Obviously, she feels that it is just a normal family life, but the mother-in-law feels that her son is suffering;
Going out to eat a hot pot is just commonplace, but the mother-in-law thinks that she is extravagant and wasteful, and does not know how to run the family.
After having a child, in the child's upbringing and education, the parents of the two have their own opinions, and the contradictions between big and small are continuous.
As a result, the gap between her and her husband grew wider and wider.
There is also Hao Dongmei, the child of a high-ranking cadre in "The World of Man", and Zhou Bingyi, a son of photon films.
One is the daughter of the governor and the other is the son of a worker, and the two have not been in contact with each other since they were married.
Although Hao Dongmei has been working as a parent, she hopes that the two families can get closer.
Once, taking advantage of the gap when Zhou's father returned home to visit his relatives, the governor's father relaxed and decided to meet his relatives.
The Zhou Bingyi family was very happy, temporarily canceled the long-awaited family photo, and spent an afternoon cleaning and waiting for the family to come.
As a result, Dongmei's father suddenly fell ill and was hospitalized, and sent a secretary to visit, and the secretary mistakenly sent back the gifts sent by Zhou Father and Bingyi intact.
This made the Zhou family embarrassed, and even father Zhou, who had always been reasonable, couldn't help but feel sad:
"People are governors, why do you say I have more of this?"
We say that the door-to-door pair is not only a match of conditions, but also a double door-to-door pair of material and spiritual, and an equal opponent of all sides behind it.
The balance of power is the premise of balanced relationship and stable marriage.
Therefore, even if Zhou Bingyi and Hao Dongmei later had a good relationship, this is also the exchange of more efforts and sacrifices from both sides, especially Zhou Bingyi.
After the incident like sending the wrong gift, Zhou Bingyi put down his emotions and took the solution to the problem:
"There are indeed some objective gaps between our two companies. This matter is definitely an important part of the lives of the two of us and must be handled with caution. ”
Jane Eyre wrote:
"Love is a game, and we must always be inseparable and evenly matched with each other, in order to rely on each other for a long time."
Because opponents who are too strong are exhausting, and opponents who are too weak are tiresome. ”
So, ignoring the multiple chasms behind portals, it will soon be discovered:
Sentient beings cannot drink enough water, and life is very tiring for two people.
Marriage needs to be managed
Don't overestimate feelings or underestimate human nature
Of course, when we talk about being the right person, we don't mean that marriage only talks about cost performance, and we must do our best in marriage.
But in the face of the reality of marriage, you will find:
External conditions match material, three views, thinking, insight, pattern, level of mental maturity, family relationships... Every aspect is important.
Marriage is the sum of all conditions, relationships, and factors.
In sum, only in all aspects of the reciprocal relationship, the two can be equal to each other in marriage.
I don't deny that when I first entered a marriage, every couple who didn't have the right door felt that they were the exception.
But from the perspective of high probability: we tend to overestimate feelings and underestimate human nature.
Like I once saw a second-born mother leave a message, she married her husband from abroad without hesitation.
As a result, after getting married and having children, there was a serious conflict with the in-laws on the issue of taking a baby.
The in-laws are not willing to give in any way, and the husband not only does not stand with himself;
Because I grew up in the family concept that men do not have to work with their children, they do not share it together.
Therefore, it is no wonder that countless people who have come over have bitterly advised: The door is very important.
The obstacle of the wrong door to the wrong door, from the very beginning, was between the two people.
Like Li Juan, a Shanghai girl in "Double Sided Tape", she insists on marrying Yaping, a young man in the northeast.
After marriage, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law gradually intensified, and the friction continued to escalate.
In the end, the husband even at the instigation of his mother-in-law, abused Lijuan and forced Lijuan to die.
In a marriage where the door is right, many contradictions and conflicts are cut off at the source from the beginning.
Of course, a marriage with the wrong door is not necessarily unhappy;
The feelings of the door to the door are not necessarily happy.
Say a thousand ways and ten thousand, the most critical thing in marriage is still business.
Like Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan in "The World of Man", although Zheng Juan is unmarried and pregnant, the most unpopular small door to be criticized in the light character film, everyone takes a detour when they see it.
But Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan, through careful management, husband and wife advance and retreat together, making up for and surpassing the obstacles of the portal.
Such a growth marriage will naturally go a long way.
Finally, I hope that we can all manage together on the subject of marriage and practice with our hearts.
I hope that every couple can have years to look back and share a white head with deep affection.
(Some of the pictures are from the Internet, invaded and deleted)