After the breakup, you can still chat normally, but once you talk about feelings, you will end, and you dare not mention it. This is a problem for a lot of people.
In fact, many people's redemption is purely to wear down his patience with you, you are in a hurry, you are pressing step by step, resulting in him being overwhelmed by you.
He doesn't know how to deal with you, and although you broke up, he doesn't want to do too much, and he tacitly acknowledges that you are still friends.
But in the face of the compound you have proposed again and again, he also has more or less guilt in his heart, he really can't bear to reject you, but your entanglement makes him confused, so he chooses to escape.
But in the face of your teeth and claws, the guilt in his heart soon dissipated, and then he began to become cold, became resolute, did not give you any chance, and even in the end his friends did not have to do it, directly deleted you and blocked.
If you want to maintain a good relationship in the early stages of a breakup, you need to remember:
1. Don't stalk him endlessly in order to keep him.
The breakup itself is a sensitive matter, if it is a breakup he takes the initiative to mention, there will generally be a sense of guilt in his heart, which is a favorable factor that we can use, but in your repeated retention, he gradually feels disgusted with you, takes the initiative to pull away, and dissuades you with a cold attitude.
Therefore, if you want to maintain a good relationship in the early stage of the breakup, you must maintain a safe distance from being a good friend, and don't let him feel that since you can't be friends, you should simply be a stranger.
2. Don't lower yourself and "beg" him to come back.
The moment we decide to break up, he no longer approves of you, and we are even less likely to get him to agree to the reunion by "begging" him, which is simply not an possible thing.
Emotional redemption requires reshaping your own value, so that your ex can see and accept you, and slowly show yourself and show your willingness to redeem yourself under the premise of maintaining a friendly relationship. Only he looks at your changes and sees the possibilities of the future of your relationship,
He would be tempted to think about whether to come back again.
On the premise of maintaining a good relationship, we are going to start to save the relationship, are you ready?
The first step is to face the problem and sort out the reasons for the breakup.
It's important, but 99% of people won't do it. Why? Because you don't dare, you don't dare to face the bloody reality, for the relationship that just broke up, you don't have the courage to peel it off layer by layer, to analyze and sort out the problem.
So the first thing we have to do to break up is to face the problem and sort out the reasons for the breakup.
I categorize the reasons for the breakup into 2 categories, subjective reasons for breaking up and objective reasons for breaking up.
If you are breaking up for objective reasons, such as for marriage, the failure of the two parties to negotiate the breakup, then my advice is to accept the breakup.
Because of the breakup caused by this objective situation, it is difficult to have too much room and possibility for operation. Instead of struggling and making both sides miserable, it is better to separate the two sides and let each other go.
If it is a breakup caused by subjective reasons, then you need to solve the problem first, when he sees that you are solving this problem, sees the correct efforts you are making for your feelings, and sees the possibility of your emotional transformation, in order to re-accept you and be willing to believe that your feelings have a future.
Most people's redemption is ineffective because they have not analyzed the specific reasons for the breakup, and everything they do has not been able to meet the psychological needs of the other party, and the other party will only think that the relationship is really not saved, even if they are back together, they will still repeat the same mistakes.
But as long as you cut into the pain point, the situation is completely reversed.
For example,
For example, before you were too tired, the sense of dependence was too strong, causing him to feel too tired to break up, or the other party felt that you were not motivated and so on to break up with you.
Then you have to know that you can change this, you have the ability to change, you are willing to change for him.
However, you must show sincerity.
You can't just say, "You give me another chance, I'll change it." ”
Instead, you have to tell him: "If you correct these problems, I don't say that I can completely correct them, but at least the changes will continue to get better, and I hope you can give me a chance to witness my growth." ”
Only if you show your sincerity first, the other party is willing to give you a chance.
Instead of just relying on one mouth, people will believe you, and people will believe you? What do you take to make people believe?
But if you don't know at all, it's not clear why you broke up.
Then you have to calm down and carefully review and analyze, in the process of your interaction, the other party has usually complained many times, said your problems, and his views on your feelings, but you did not care.
All breakups are foreshadowing, even if he is suddenly mentioned to break up, it must be the result of contradictions day by day, but you just don't know, or don't care.
Many times, the other half told you about your problem, said his opinion, and was not satisfied, but you did not face it squarely, did not think of a way to solve it, but passed it, and even did not feel that it was a problem.
So, when we don't know the reason for the breakup, please be sure to think back carefully and find out the reason for the breakup. If you can ask him directly, ask him why. If he doesn't tell you, figure it out for yourself.
Second, learn to guide him to give.
In the relationship, the more the person who gives, the less likely it is to leave the other person; but as long as you decide to break up, it is difficult to turn back.
Because of his efforts, all the value is reflected in another person, and if you deny this person, it means deny yourself. This is hard to accept.
Now that we've broken up, he can't give anything directly to you anymore, so we need to guide him through guidance, starting with small things, to guide him to increase his chips in feelings.
Say a few general methods:
1. Value-giving method:
Through daily chat sharing, ask for his opinions and ideas, as long as he continues to say his opinions, and every time you finish the evaluation, naturally he will get used to this mode.
Then, he will often want to get your evaluation and attitude, in fact, this is what you are giving him a sense of value. But it's very secretive, no one will notice, and it looks like you're just talking about specific events and simply chatting.
If you can use this method well, you can gradually shape your sense of value in his heart, and his attitude towards you will gradually shift from resistance to identification.
2. Time Possession Method:
Start with time possession and test the time he can accept you every day. For example, if you just broke up and only talk to you for 5 minutes a day, start with 5 minutes and talk to him for 5 minutes every day to form a habit.
Then regularly increase the time spent chatting together, be sure to have strategic patience, use warm water to boil the frog, and unconsciously let him get used to getting used to our daily chat. You think, isn't it easy for a person to spend time chatting with you every day and then upgrading the relationship?
However, it must be difficult at the beginning, so we should carefully consider the control of the sense of chat distance, the choice of topic, and the choice of chat time.
3. Emotional Claims:
The manifestation of a person's dead heart is that there is no longer an emotion for the other person. On the contrary, a person who likes your performance is that he is full of emotions for your various behaviors, that is, what you do and says has something to do with him, and he is willing to express his opinion.
When we are in daily contact and chat, we can ask him many times, how to think about what so-and-so has done, and force him to say his opinion and express his emotions.
As long as people have emotions to substitute, it is easy to let down their guard, and it is easier to accept others.
This emotional demand will make the other person feel a sense of voluntariness, and may even feel that "I said so much to him, will not be because I still like him, right?" ”
The third point is to pay silently and give the other party a step.
If you do all of the above, you can maintain the relationship at a normal level, and it will be the final stage of redemption.
Most of what we have done to save this relationship will be seen by him, but we must not be touched by ourselves because we have put in a lot of effort, and we must ask him to do something to you.
You have to take the initiative to show your weakness, do not have obvious purpose in the relationship, he has no reason to reject you again, as long as he recognizes your goodness and is willing to continue to contact you, indicating that he is accepting of you, you can break through the relationship above the friend.
When a sufficient emotional foundation has been cultivated, compounding or not recombining is only a nominal problem.
Many of my students feel an unprecedented sense of well-being at this stage, and the joy of losing and regaining is beyond words.
In short, saving a relationship is complicated and a very testing thing, not only the control of human psychology, but also the method and persistence. A happy relationship must be baptized by the breakup, otherwise how to deal with the ups and downs of future life.
Dream butterfly emotions, breakups to save, emotional repair.