Watching the news some time ago, "Sex and the City" is going to make a new drama again, in addition to the role of Samantha not returning, the new drama is to tell the life of Kelly, Charlotte, Miranda in their 50s, of course, or their story in New York.
Needless to say, the influence of this drama in the world, from the first season of 98, many people's fashion enlightenment is it, the brand-name fashion and shoes of Fashionable Girls in New York, their glamorous lives support a generation of women's ultimate imagination of metropolitan life.
In the future, many dramas that focus on fashionable cities will be sealed with a "Sex and the City 2.0", which shows that the limelight is still not falling after 22 years of broadcasting.
The golden sentences in it alone still sound meaningful, which also means one thing, that is, more than twenty years later, women's situation has not improved much, and the confusion of women more than twenty years ago still exists today:
"Why are there so many unmarried good women, but there are no unmarried good men?" 」
"If a single man has money, that's his advantage; but if a single woman has money, it's going to be a problem."
"When you were young, all that life was about having fun. As you grow, you begin to be cautious. You may break your bones, or you may have a broken heart. You think twice, and sometimes you don't act at all, because behind your back, no one will always support you. There is no safety net in life."
More than twenty years ago, Kelly explored the problems in the column, the various problems encountered in the lives of four friends and in love, and there is still no solution, whether this also shows that the elite women of New York's Upper East Side, even if they live a luxurious life that ordinary people cannot reach, are similar to us as social animals, as long as you are a woman of this era, no questions, the situation is basically the same.
It is the choice to be the boring wife of a cozy town
Or a bachelor girl in a metropolis, which choice is not regrettable?
One episode I remember most is when Laney, a good friend of the four heroines, gets pregnant and leaves New York for a pregnancy party.
Laney used to be a cool girl comparable to Samantha, the craziest one at the party, but in the small town house to give birth, she has changed into a person, not only full of motherhood, but also "educated" Charlotte: "Life at a certain moment to seriously settle down, life is not Jacqueline Susan's novel, what four friends in the city looking for true love." 」 ”
Several people are "frustrated" and return to New York, especially Kelly and Charlotte, who on the one hand fear that they will become the small town mothers who circle the children at the party, and on the other hand, they secretly envy the stable and calm life.
It wasn't until night that Laney called and said what was in her heart: "I miss the past, I miss Samantha's party." ”
Soon Laney was in New York, going to parties where her acquaintances were all at her, repeating her previous signature moves and doing the same unbridled moves she had done just as she had done a few years earlier, but everything was so out of place. Laney also wanted to prove that the pregnancy did not change her, she was still the cool girl who did as she pleased before, but everyone was silent, and there were fewer and fewer onlookers.
Yes, Laney and Kelly, one chose the comfortable life of the small town, the other chose the day of the Metropolitan Bachelorette, they each chose a different life, but from time to time yearn for another.
Greed and dissatisfaction are not a woman's preserve, the point is that when a woman makes a choice, she seems to be trapped in a life with no room for change. If you want to catch your breath, or try another possibility, what awaits you is often embarrassing and embarrassing, or even more irreparable.
It is difficult to make choices in life, and men must of course choose and bear the consequences.
It's just that some times, men have the courage to make choices, but they also have the courage to escape the consequences, the most typical story is that many men let women get pregnant, and then choose to go away, so in this world, there are more tragic stories of men bravely choosing the result and finally making women pay.
Some people say that the reason why women are timid and cautious is because they want to be perfect too much, too want people to see their elegant survival in the world, too narcissistic, but in fact, the fundamental reason is that the world is too cruel, women dare not choose the wrong, because once they choose wrong, they are not likely to go away like men, but are forced to face endless responsibilities, to live in every whisper.
In general, women are not as brave as men, and there is both a cultural underlying reason and because they are not as dignified and selfish as they are– in the end, this society allows men to evade responsibility.
▲ Jackie Chan's classic quote really speaks to the hearts of men, and it is magnificent.
In fact, choosing to be single is not a simple "I am happy" for women of every age and every class.
Nowadays, we can see everywhere "women should be independent", this sentence is simple and rude, women can eat and shop alone, move and decorate alone, and even have the ability to buy a car and buy a house on their own, which is already quite difficult.
But the antonym of independence may not be "dependent on men", the opposite of independence, is an unfriendly social environment, a joke that crushes people in an instant, is a look in the eyes of people around you, and is an indifferent environment in which social opinion with different values is not inclusive.
Like the relationship between single women and their married friends described in Sex and the City: in the married crowd, they look at you like losers, probing your latest dating gossip while trying to introduce you to someone who doesn't fit at all. They would say, "My single friends continue to live a life of emptiness and meaninglessness, like a small child." ”
In one episode, Kelly appeared on the cover of the magazine as a representative of singles, but she did not expect that the magazine would capture her haggard and unpowdered face after staying up late, with the provocative headline "Single, Aristocratic?" The magazine's comment was even more impolite: the life of a single middle-aged man is to stay in a nightclub all night and fill his loneliness and emptiness with a seemingly joyful life.
Because of the stimulation of this cover, Kelly even began to wonder "is it that I have been pretending for so many years, pretending to be happy to be single". She wants to prove that she is still young and attractive, and almost went home with a strange man she just met; and Charlotte, who has always been very demanding of her partner, even chose to fall in love with an unemployed actor who is good at repairing electrical appliances because of loneliness.
"Is it because I am afraid of loneliness, so I have been pretending", pretending to be a wonderful single life, maintaining a relationship that is essentially about guns, pretending to understand the jokes of the other half, pretending to enjoy every date. Is this disguise happier, or is it happier to be alone?
New York, at the time of the turn of the century in the play, has witnessed avant-garde art for decades, still using harsh language to judge single people; we have entered the 20th century, and we are still living in an era where "persuasion to marry" is the mainstream.
Too familiar with the "disguise" mentioned in the play, social phobia patients actively participate in social interaction, people who do not want to fall in love are tired of coping with blind dates, and people who have no expectations for marriage are persuaded to enter marriage. It seems that we need to care about everyone's feelings, and the only thing that can be wronged is the true self in the heart.
In fact, people are different, someone is suitable for marriage, and someone is suitable for being single, Samantha got the perfect male partner, but she is still unhappy, so she finally chooses to leave, because, I love you, but I love myself more.
The belief that single people choose is simply that I don't want to give up on myself in order to accommodate others, so I accept the disadvantages of being single.
Women choose to be independent only because they love themselves more and are more able to face loneliness, and they only choose because I'm willing to do it, and I feel more comfortable being single than marriage.
There is no need to pretend that being single is happy, nor is there any need to pretend that marriage is happy.
It's just two states of life, and neither of which is a perfect fairy tale, marriage brings companionship and warmth, but you have to pay for yourself; and singleness may be very free and happy, but also often face loneliness.
Anyway, every choice has both light and dark sides.
It's like in Sex and the City, when Kelly says to herself after tossing and turning, "I decided to face the idea of dying alone, I'd rather sit down with fear and no disguise."
Is it the happiness of strong men and weak women, or the happiness of strong women and weak men
"Class" different loves, is there a future?
Will a love of disparity be happy?
The emotional story in "Sex and the City" actually explores this matter to a considerable extent.
The first is the most traditional and popular one for women, strong men and weak women, Kelly fell in love with 100% super boy Mr. Big, but the combination of ten years finally came to fruition, because from the very beginning, the two people's positions in this relationship are not equal.
The rich, powerful, and mercurial Big had no intention of ending his playboy life for Kelly, but Kelly wanted the other party to change and make a commitment for herself from the beginning.
She was not happy to see the other party looking at the beautiful woman on the street, because he did not introduce himself in front of his friends and was hurt, and even once she put a fart in Big's house, she would regret that her image in the other person's heart was no longer perfect.
Big married the younger Natasha after breaking up with Kelly for the second time, which hit her hard. She said Big didn't marry herself because she wasn't the kind that could be tamed by men.
In fact, Kelly is like a mirror of Big, she only wants a difficult man she can't conquer, and she loves her unconditionally, but aiden, who is too easy for her to get, she is also abusive a thousand times. In the words of the second season, she knows she is a "masochist".
After repeated forgiveness and reunion, the story finally gave the relationship a perfect ending, but in fact, before the two people held the wedding, we can see that they will not always be quiet between them.
Kelly, who has a performative personality, increased the number of wedding guests from 75 to 200 at a time; but After two marriages, Big, who only wanted to live a quiet life, actually wanted to get a license to get married. Such two people who want to act at their own pace, even if they really come together, cannot always accommodate each other.
Let's talk about the kind of strong women and weak men.
Successful lawyer Miranda, from the beginning of the first season, the men in the show have been complaining: "Every woman in New York has rejected at least ten good men because they are too short, too fat, or too poor." But Miranda said: "I've dated fat, short, poor men, but they're no different, they're all as self-centered as handsome guys." ”
Later, she married Steve, a poor and happy and considerate, non-self-centered bartender, and for this "strong woman and weak man" relationship, she moved from Manhattan to Brooklyn, and was willing to sacrifice a part of herself for family life. Because she once said that Steve makes people feel comfortable and safe, which is too important for Miranda, who is nervous and even tense.
The love of the two of them can overcome each other's economic and class gaps, but it is almost ruined by years of trivial tearing. Even if Steve once made her feel relaxed, the chicken feathers of life are far more terrifying than imagined, it wears out feelings into invisibility, and unconsciously swallows the charm of the other party in your eyes.
Miranda's hard work is still Steve's cheating, so Miranda tells Mr. Big when she is angry that "marriage will ruin everything".
Although the man apologized and said "I never wanted to hurt you", the feelings in reality are not so simple, list a person's strengths and weaknesses, and compare the number of bars to get the answer.
The loss of human hearts cannot be measured, let alone repaired, steve may be able to save Miranda, but the second half of their lives may be endless compromises, as well as mutual resentment and even strangeness.
Charlotte, who looks like everything is perfect, yells "I've been dating since I was 15 before she's found a fixed partner, but where is he?" "She needs a handsome, thoughtful, funny, gentle partner, and of course a superior education, a good career, and a strong financial base."
The first husband did meet these conditions, but the marriage made Charlotte understand that fairytale love is only imaginary, and that marrying a prince is not necessarily "they live happily ever after.".
Later, the lawyer she married, Harry, was not prominent, sloppy and bald, the wedding of the two people was also wrong, red wine was spilled on the wedding dress, her husband was frequently ugly, Charlotte almost fell, and she cried alone in the toilet in pursuit of perfection. But Kelly said to her "your first wedding was perfect, but that marriage was terrible, so this time, your future marriage will be happy".
Charlotte is a smart woman after all, always knowing what she wants and then fighting for it. After a seemingly perfect marriage that gave her a taste of bitterness, she quickly learned her lesson and adjusted her direction, choosing love instead of the rules and regulations she had prescribed. In the end she sacrificed her ideal of "perfection" but got a man who was always patient and tolerant of her companions.
As for Samantha, who insists on celibacy, she can help her little boyfriend achieve a class jump, but she can't tolerate this love to make her lose herself, "I have a relationship with myself for 49 years, which I must continue."
The answer is: no relationship, no flawless.
Strong men and weak women do not mean happiness, strong women and weak men do not represent happiness, there is no one who is necessarily happy, and love with a disparity in status may also be happy, but it must be that one party has made a huge sacrifice, or has been prepared to compromise in the heart.
There will be the most cherished part of each feeling, but it must also be paid some price in exchange, as to whether the value is worth it, whether it is wronged, it all depends on how the individual is ranked in his heart, and only he knows the taste best.
What is the difference between us and them?
"Sex and the City" is based on the writer Candice Bushnell's column in the 90s on the New York Observer, which is about the observation of urban men and women. It can be said that the author himself is a real "Kelly".
Candice Bushnell, the original author of "Sex and the City", began writing at the age of 19 and moved to New York. He didn't leave until 2012, when he divorced ballet maestro Charles Askegard. She returned to her hometown of Connecticut, but returned to New York a few years later
Candice Bushnell (left) and Sarah Jessica Parker, star of Sex and the City
She dated the publishing tycoon and admitted that he was the prototype for her own Big. During the filming of Sex and the City, she also had an appointment with one of the male actors.
Candice Bushnell later admitted in an interview that Ron Galotti, the tycoon who published Vogue, GQ and Vanity Fair, was the archetypal character of Mr. Big. Candace Bushnell also dated him for a year in 1995 and has since used the relationship as a writing material
▲ On the left is the prototype Ron Galotti of "big", and on the right is the actor Chris North, who plays "big", can only say that the vegetarian and the actor, as long as they stand together, they can see the difference...
Candice Bushnell admitted that he had also dated an actor in Sex and the City
She read a novel as a teenager, Mary McCarthy's "Them," which she read at least ten times, and it was this book that influenced her column writing.
The eight female characters in the book, all graduates of prestigious girls' schools, have different emotional trajectories and family lives, but each leads to a conclusion — marriage doesn't bring stability, lovers don't provide happiness, and every decision a woman makes has the potential to make her life plummet—even if that decision seems golden at first.
Mary McCarthy, author of "Them."
Candice Bushnell later wrote the preface to the book's reprint:
"What's the biggest difference between women today and women of seventy years ago?" Maybe it's the word 'choice'. This word induces us to think that we have some degree of control over our lives, and even to think that we have solved the 'nameless problem'. ”
"The women in 'Them' believe they're going to change the world. Eventually, however, they discover that not only can they not change the world, but that their survival depends on their acceptance of the fact that they are 'second sex'. ”
Women in the nineties could not solve the problems of seventy years ago; today's women, not only failed to understand the problems of twenty years ago, but even had many new problems: the workplace was unfriendly to "older" single women, and "widowed parenting" made family and work a double burden......
Even if you are hard-hearted, it is difficult to repeat it all, after all, in the present, the older you are, the lower the fault tolerance rate. We seem to be facing a colorful world, but the road under our feet is still only narrow, and finally say the phrase "the bustle is someone else's".
In the end, although "Sex and the City" is so direct to the real world, it is still an adult fairy tale for the real real world.
In life, you may have lovers like Kelly who are deeply loved but have always made you sad; like Miranda, who has a mediocre and trivial marriage; Charlotte, who is hit by reality and retreats to the second; of course, it is also possible to be dashing like Samantha, not to let yourself be hurt, game life... But in the life of ordinary women, where there are three thousand dollars of knives and a pair of red-soled shoes, where there are lights and wine and green lively parties, where there is a series of golden and talented sexual encounters that can be met at a corner...
Most people live in a life of hard work, endless stupidity and boring life that can be seen at a glance.
We learned only one thing in the half-truth and half-false fairy tale drama of Sex and the City:
There is only one way for women to live, that is, stumbling, constantly looking for, hitting walls, in order to get lessons and learn experience. If you haven't learned it once, hit the wall a second time, a third time... Even if you don't succeed in upgrading and fighting monsters, you can still cultivate the body of King Kong, and from now on, you will be less weak and more strong.
In one episode, they discussed the difference between women in their 30s and young girls in their 20s, and Kelly said:
Do we fear that these girls in their 20s pose a threat to our survival, or do we sympathize with them and have a disillusionment about them and know nothing about it? What is their future? Is it the infinite possibilities?
The biggest threat posed to girls in their 20s is themselves, they are annoying but not dangerous, just a replica of us when they were young, they need our sympathy, more than anything.
At the end of the day, love is no different from other options in life, but it's just making choices again and again, bearing the consequences.
Women can enjoy the beauty of a relationship, but also have the psychological preparation to bear its unbearable and dirty, no marriage or a man will definitely be waiting for you in front, meet, is lucky, but most of the time, we are not so lucky people.
Don't expect it, but don't be discouraged, because if you can save you, you must be waiting for you in front of you, and the one who is getting stronger and stronger.
The person who understands and helps you best is the better version of yourself that you want to be in the future.