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The child has grown up, the figure has become larger, and he can still control it when he was small, but now he is taller than me, and sometimes he can't pull it;
Children love to lose their temper, make a lot of noise, face the child's emotions, as parents and teachers really have headaches, often can only use the way to blame and suppress the child's anger.
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After surveying many parents of older children, they agreed that one of the most important problems for children as adults is emotional behavior problems.
So, how to understand the child's emotions? What can we and cannot do when faced with a child's emotional problems? This article can give you some references.
Children also have difficulties that need to be understood
Poor language skills, poor concepts of cause and effect, weak empathy, and strong impulsivity are all the root causes of emotional problems in children. They can't understand how their actions affect others, leading to blame and then negative emotions.
In the face of such children, how can we parents guide us?
Emotions are naturally occurring sensations, subjective feelings of the individual about what is happening in the environment, and there is no right or wrong.
Parents should first empathize with the child and listen at the moment, but we need to pay attention to the fact that the same child's emotions do not mean agreeing with the child's behavior, let alone allowing the child to use emotions as a tool to give and take from the parents, to let the child understand that all his feelings can be accepted, but improper behavior must be regulated.
When children feel that their emotions are accepted by their parents, they will naturally slowly settle down their moods, and then take the opportunity to moderately guide children to recognize their emotions, accept their emotions, and release emotions in an appropriate way, giving them time to actually practice facing and dealing with their negative emotions.
There are a few things parents "can" do to cope with their children's current emotions
1. Help children to perceive their emotions and express them
Emotional management is based on self-awareness, and sometimes the child is not aware that he is throwing a tantrum, and we can say, "You are crying very sadly, looking sad, what happened?" This expression represents our feelings of empathy with the child and our willingness to accompany him to solve the problem. Guiding children to speak out their emotions in the moment is also a good way for children to be aware of their emotions.
2. Identify the cause and think about the solution
After the child's emotions are settled, discuss solutions with the child, such as:
The child's toy was snatched away by someone else, and he was angry, he thought that someone else would never pay him back again – that was his idea
He hit someone else – it was his act
So the behavior is actually affected by the idea, the toy is robbed will be angry is normal, but does not mean that others will not return it to you, so you can guide the child to think about this matter with different angles or thinking, for example, "He may just be curious to take a look, wait a while to return to you, then how can you solve it?" Tell the other person to borrow it, or do you exchange toys to play with? "It's all about flexible problem-solving strategies.
3. Reduce stress in life and management frustration
When the child is in a long-term stress situation, it will become more difficult to control anger, and talk to the child about how to reduce stress, such as: do what you like, eat the food you like, and listen to music to relieve your stress.
Some anger also comes from frustration, and frustration comes from different places, such as: not getting what you want; things are too difficult to complete; or not meeting the expectations of others, or even not meeting what you expect, will produce frustration, and when the child learns how to deal with his frustration, the frequency of his anger will decrease.
Ways to help your child deal with frustration are:
1. Reduce the difficulty of the task
2) Accept the situation and tell yourself that you will think better positively, which can be discussed with your child when he has setbacks
4. Read picture books with your child
Stories are the epitome of life, through which stories help children identify different emotions and understand how others deal with different emotions such as anger, fear, and sadness. From the role of a bystander, learn to think from the perspective of others and respect your own and the feelings of others. It can also be presented through role play, and the feelings of others can be experienced from the role of the other party, and these exercises can also help children improve their ability to think differently.
5. Parents' "body teaching" is more important than "speech teaching", and give positive emotional education
Children are a mirror of parents, their emotions are not innate, usually through observation, imitation, absorption of parents or siblings to cope with the emotional response, so parents should be especially exemplary, even if sometimes emotional out of control, will also apologize to the child, indicating that they are willing to correct.
Positive emotions can expand children's cognition and improve their ability to solve problems, and positive emotions are not teaching children blind optimism. Usually give children more affirmation, sufficient sense of security, warm family atmosphere, unconditional love for children, will help children develop positive emotions.
There are a few things that parents "can't" do to cope with their children's current emotions
1. Threats, violence, and bribery
Parents often intimidate and threaten their children because they can't handle their children's emotions, such as: "If you don't obey, call the police to arrest you, and then cry and drive you out of the house...", parents may feel that such language does not matter to children, and they can't understand it anyway. As everyone knows, such language will hurt the child's self-esteem and sense of security, and it is not possible to threaten the child in this way.
Of course, do not use the way of bribery, "you are about to finish eating, wait until you give you candy to eat", so that it is easy to cultivate children's emotional blackmail on their parents, causing adverse effects.
2. Rebuke and deny the child's emotions and label the emotions
Tell children that boys can't cry, they will become crying ghosts; they can't love to lose their temper, they will become annoying ghosts, they won't be liked by people... Such statements can distort a child's self-concept. High-pressure methods of blaming or isolating children can also make them defensive and hard-hearted.
As long as the catharsis of emotions is appropriate, there is no need to over-suppress the negative emotions of the child.
3. Blame others for your mistakes
Some parents are too spoiled for their children, can't bear to see their children sad or angry, will always tell their children that it is others are not right, comfort the children, so that the children can not reflect on their own mistakes, can not learn to be responsible for themselves, develop children as long as it is not smooth, blame others for the habit, is not good for the growth of children.
Parents should help their children admit and accept mistakes, and tell their children that mistakes can be regarded as learning from mistakes and helping their children grow.
4. Do not be too anxious or too quick to intervene in the conflict between the child and the companion, and act as the child's savior
Some parents are very worried that their children can't stand setbacks, are bullied, and will let the other party let their children, or rush to teach him to cope, and do not give their children the opportunity to try to solve problems on their own. This approach can also make them overly dependent on adults.
Parents can guide their children to think about the problem points, try to find ways to solve them, and then give timely assistance when the child really needs adult intervention.
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Emotional management needs a period of practice, it is a continuous process, as long as parents invest time and patience, the use of good skills, you can adjust the child's emotional constitution, so that children learn to be the master of emotions.
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