Are you also the same as I used to be, always eager to get the approval of others, a casual comment from others, you can easily stir your own emotions;
Because of the fear that others will not be happy and dislike themselves, they always ignore their inner feelings and needs;
Always want to prove yourself, so force yourself to do a lot of things that you don't want to do at all;
Dare not make demands on others, but are very harsh on their own requirements;
Always afraid that something bad will happen, there is no way to accept bad results.
I used to be a person with a very low sense of value, so I was always tired and unhappy, and liked to attribute all the bad things to myself.
Worst of all, I knew it was all because my inner sense of worth was too low, but no matter how much I was encouraged, I still couldn't change my original mindset.
Self-doubt and self-denial have long been daily psychological activities.
It wasn't until I recently read the book "Raising Your Inner Child" that I figured out why my sense of worth was so low, and then followed the method in the book and found that this state of affairs has indeed improved. Therefore, I shared what I learned from the book, hoping to help my friends who have the same problems.
Why do people have a low sense of value?
Before, I knew that my sense of value was low, but I never knew why I had such a reaction.
After reading the description of the chapter on the sense of value in the book "Raising Your Inner Child", I found that the reason why people have a low sense of value, or even lack, is mainly because we have done two things wrong, one is to take the words of others as facts, and the other is to rarely give positive feedback to ourselves.
Taking other people's words as facts makes us lose our judgment of ourselves and feel that what others say is right, especially when others say something that is not good for ourselves, it is easier for us to put it in our hearts and use this to constantly attack ourselves.
And rarely give yourself positive feedback, it is difficult to make yourself feel accomplished, there will be a feeling that you can't do anything well. In the long run, we become less confident and feel that we are not capable of doing a good job.
In fact, the evaluation of others only represents the person who gave the evaluation, and those remarks do not represent us at all. And as long as we give ourselves positive feedback in time, we will find that we actually make progress and achieve every day.
The harm of a sense of low value
For people with a low sense of value, the logic of their thinking is generally like this: all bad performances or results are because I am not good enough; all good performances or results are because of luck and chance.
Such logic will have a very bad impact on our lives, the most typical is the following three:
1, think that they are not worthy, can not get good things
The most obvious characteristic of low-value people is that they feel that they are not worthy, do not deserve to be cared for by others, do not deserve the best things, and do not deserve to ask others to do things according to their own requirements.
Because I feel that I am not worthy, I do not dare to make demands on the outside world, and even many times I know that I have spent money to buy a certain service, but I also dare not make a request, for fear that if I make a request, the other party will be unhappy, or directly do not cooperate.
2. It is easy to be influenced by others and loses its own judgment
People with a low sense of value are particularly susceptible to the influence of others, such as someone around them is in a bad mood, he may feel that he is not doing well enough, so he is unhappy; or for example, he obviously wants to do something, but because others say that he is not suitable, he does not dare to do it.
Low-value people rarely make decisions on their own because they feel they can't make the right decisions, and over time they lose the ability to judge themselves.
3, the formation of children's personality is not good, so that they also have a low sense of value
Low-value people not only make their lives unhappy, but also have a very bad impact on children, and children tend to become low-value under the words and deeds of low-value parents.
For example, they will become less confident, they will be particularly afraid of making mistakes, they will pay special attention to the evaluation from the outside world, and so on.
Therefore, if you find yourself a low-value person, you must find a way to change it, otherwise not only will you be deeply disturbed, but even your children will become low-value people.
3 ways to boost your sense of value
Low value is like a chronic disease, it will not kill people immediately, but it will make people live in discomfort all the time, so it is very necessary to change their low value, it directly determines our happiness.
Cong Fei, the author of "Raising Your Inner Child", also mentions how to enhance the sense of value in the book, and he believes that the sense of value can be improved from the following three aspects.
1. See yourself holistically
Cong Fei believes that the way to build a sense of value is not to find "I am good", but to find "I am good overall", that is, "I have good places, and some places are not good enough".
Looking at myself with a holistic vision can not only avoid myself from falling into self-doubt and self-panic, but also allow me not to be arrogant and self-effacing, not to be humble.
2. Define yourself by yourself
We need to learn to define ourselves and not let the comments of others disrupt the order of self-evaluation. Comments from outsiders can only represent himself, not you.
We should be like the Olympic champion Gu Ailing, facing the unfriendly evaluation of others, only treating it as someone else's value, not representing the real self, or even having nothing to do with ourselves. We don't have to feel sorry for this, self-doubt.
3. Replace large goals with small goals
Small goals can enhance the sense of value, because small goals are easier to achieve and help enhance our confidence.
Therefore, when we do things, we can decompose the results we want, for example, if we want to save 100,000 blocks this year, then we break down the 100,000 blocks into each month, every week, and the goal after decomposition is relatively easy to achieve.
Don't set yourself too ambitious goals, which are not only difficult to achieve, but also hit your self-confidence and feel useless.
The key to happiness is to grow up with the child in your heart
Having a sense of value is only one of our many needs, in addition to a sense of security, freedom, meaning, intimacy, only when these are satisfied, our hearts will be truly abundant, in order to truly feel the happiness in life.
And if we want to get a sense of security, freedom, meaning, intimacy, and value, the most important thing is to nurture ourselves.
Raising yourself is divided into five steps, namely returning to the inside, looking for expectations, looking for logic, finding the place of lack, and asking for the source.
Before these five steps can be realized, we need to have a comprehensive understanding of security, freedom, meaning, intimacy, and value, which is described in detail in "Raising Your Inner Child".
Therefore, if you want to increase your sense of security, freedom, meaning, intimacy, and value, and want to nurture yourself and make yourself happier, it is recommended to read this book.
The author of this book, Cong Feicong, is a master of applied psychology, a national second-level psychological counselor, has many years of experience in psychology, tried to heal tens of thousands of people, and has published works such as "Originally, Understanding Is More Important Than Love", "The Power of Self-Growth", "Understanding Anger" and other works, and the professional knowledge is very sufficient. I believe that the content of this book will also benefit you a lot.
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Author: Yong-Sunshine, with simple words, the truth of emotion. I would like to use words to accompany you to understand the various feelings of the world