Parents love you just because you're my child and have nothing to do with anything else.
Author: April Rose (Parents Intensive Reading Columnist)
The more abandoned the parents, the more inferior the child is
When you were a child, what did your parents say to you that they hated you?
It is estimated that many people will say: my mother thinks that I don't have a sister who looks beautiful, thinks I'm short, thinks I don't draw well, my father thinks I don't have my brother to study well, doesn't have a brother to play basketball well, and so on.
Many times, the parents' inadvertent dislike of their children will be internalized into the child's cognition of themselves, which will make the child think that he is really bad, and the child will desperately change himself to meet the preferences of the parents.
In an episode of the Japanese variety show "Underground Life Escapes the Great War", there is an 18-year-old female high school student Yui.
She began to be obsessed with plastic surgery at the age of 15, and spent a total of 2,984,500 yen (about 195,000 yuan) in 3 years.
But after looking at the girl's previous photos, I didn't think it was ugly. The reason why Yui is crazy about plastic surgery is because her mother said to her: "You will be fat if you eat like this, and you will become ugly if you eat more." ”
Mom's words left a knot in her heart. In order to make herself look better, Yui moved the idea of plastic surgery.
Her mother disagreed, and Yui threatened suicide and even dropped out of school, which has reached the point of infatuation with plastic surgery.
Later, the mother learned the truth about her daughter's plastic surgery and shed tears of guilt, and now she only hopes that her daughter can be her true self.
The mother thinks that the child's appearance is not good, and the child will think that only by becoming beautiful can the mother like it, the mother will pay attention to herself, and she will have value.
However, such a deformed aesthetic is premised on sacrificing the child's self-esteem, no matter what it looks like, the child will not be satisfied, and the inner void will not be filled.
"Marriage Pope" John Goldman has conducted in-depth research on 119 families and observed that parental behavior can have a profound impact on children's emotional intelligence, as well as personality.
He found that parents always ridicule, despise or belittle their children, which is the direct culprit that leads to their children's low self-esteem.
Children first confirm their own value from the eyes of their parents, and the parents' dislike will make children feel less self-worth and live in inferiority all their lives.
Children who are rejected by their parents have no future
There is a Q&A on Zhihu: What is it like to be rejected by your parents?
A netizen said: Every time I am rejected by my parents, I feel that I am a waste, and my world is full of despair and there is no light.
Parental disgust, like a dark cloud on the top of the head, makes the child's life bleak.
In the movie "The Life of the Abandoned Pine Nuts", the heroine Matsuko was abandoned by her father from childhood.
The father bought exquisite gifts and went home, did not look at the pine nuts in front of him, and went into his sister's room. Matsuko talks about her boyfriend, and her father immediately reprimands her because her sister can't fall in love.
Pine nuts, who lack love at a young age, are afraid of being lonely and bitter when they grow up, and do not reject the confession of anyone.
In order to get love, she has no bottom line. She endured insults and beatings from men, and could even do illegal things for men, including giving her life.
Even so, I have met five men in succession, but they have all failed her. In her later years, Matsuko was alone and became a mentally ill aunt who was disliked by everyone, and was finally beaten to death.
"Original Family" points out that the child's world is very small, no matter how violent the parents are, for them, the parents are still the only source of love and comfort.
Pine nuts were neglected by their father from an early age, who cut off Matsuko's only source of love and comfort, leaving her insecure and presence, which directly led to Matsuko's humble desire for love all her life.
Children who are rejected and disliked by their parents are like walking in a dark tunnel, full of despair and helplessness.
Parents constantly dislike and dislike the incompetence of children, for children, it is a long delay, beating the child all over the body, and eventually causing the child to collapse and forget.
To love a child is to love his wholeness
Children cannot decide their origin, appearance, or height.
Children's grades and incomes will vary greatly depending on genetics, environmental factors, etc., but no matter what, they are our children.
Parents' disgust and disgust will not make children better, let alone motivate, but will only hurt them deeply.
To love a child is to love his wholeness, to love his wholeness, and parents must do this:
1. Inclusion
In the Japanese movie "Hot Girls at the Bottom", the heroine Saye Ga thick makeup, singing with friends, no learning, is a proper scum.
Her father hated her very much and focused only on his younger brother, who played baseball. But her mother tolerated all her actions and loved Sayaga unwaveringly.
Eventually, her mother's love won Sayega's trust, and she worked hard and got into the most famous university.
2. Acceptance
The famous Taiwanese writer Wu Nianzhen once said one thing:
When my son went to school, his math score was very poor, and the teacher suggested to the parents: "The child's math score should be strengthened!" Listening to the teacher's words, Wu Nian's real lover severely criticized the child.
At the dinner table, Wu Nianzhen listened to his wife's complaints about the child's math scores, but instead of scolding the child with his wife, he pulled his lover to the kitchen and asked her how she was in math when she was studying.
"I was also terrible, and I only got a score of 10 in the college entrance examination. What we can't do ourselves, don't embarrass our children. ”
Each child's intelligence and strengths are different, accept the child's lack in a certain aspect, the child can grow up healthily in the peaceful state of mind of the parents.
3. Encouragement
A little boy had bad grades, but every time his mother came back from a parent-teacher meeting, she would tell him: "The teacher praised him, and the grades improved a little." ”
His mother's encouragement made him continue to work hard, and he was finally admitted to Tsinghua University.
The encouragement of parents is like injecting energy into the child, so that the child can constantly surpass himself and eventually succeed.
Our child, has the choice to land in our home, whether he is a bully or a scum, beautiful or ugly, living on the top or struggling on the bottom, he is our child.
Teacher Fan Deng once said: "Parents' love for their children cannot have any additional conditions. ”
It is not because the children are beautiful, the grades are good, and the money is more, the parents will love their children, but no matter what, I love you.
The unconditional love of parents nourishes our children like a sweet spring, and they absorb enough nourishment in this love to eventually grow up to be independent of themselves, and they do not live up to this nourishment, because they want to repay their parents with the best of themselves.
Like, parents love their children only because they are their children, and it has nothing to do with anything else.
Author's Profile: April Rose, Columnist of Fushu, Article Source: Parents Evolution, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement must be investigated, Fushu 2018 launched a new book "Good Life"
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