According to this schedule, a 9-year-old child gets up from 5 o'clock every day and has to learn all kinds of things until 23 o'clock to sleep.
In this children's schedule, in addition to the normal school classes from Monday to Friday, there are nine extracurricular studies of ancient Chinese, piano, Go, brush calligraphy, Olympic mathematics, taekwondo, swimming, English, and Latin dance.
Studying for 18 hours a day and sleeping only 6 hours at night, such a schedule for 9-year-old children has surprised many netizens. It is understood that the child's mother, Ms. Liu, is a high-achieving student who graduated from Peking University, and this time she set this plan for her son and made herself completely red. This matter has caused great controversy on the Internet, can the child bear it?
I think this is like sharpening a knife, such a parent, is to sharpen the knife sharp and sharp, as thin as a cicada wing, but also to grind. However, you know, if you are not careful, it will cause the knife to collapse, is this a wise approach?
In a previous article, I talked about how coddling leads to the abnormality of the child's body, and today I talk about how high pressure causes the child's physical disorder.
Let me give you two examples.
One was an expert in other fields, a single mother with her middle-school-age daughter, who came to ask me what to do.
The mother said that she was particularly strict with her children, and had always asked her to be in the class, and the top three were not allowed to be in the exams, and the children were really angry and had always remained in the top three, which made the mother who had failed in marriage feel particularly proud.
As a result, one day, the child suddenly did not want to learn, no one knew how all this happened, and then the child began to have symptoms of depression, could only stay at home, serious or even smashed things, talking very strangely. Finally, I took a leave of absence, went to the hospital to see a doctor, and made the doctors all bigger, whether it was depression or schizophrenia, and the doctors in Beijing finally didn't know how to treat this disease.
Originally, I wanted to make my children stand out, but in the end I couldn't even learn, and the difference between ideals and reality was 108,000 miles.
There are many such things. There is an entrepreneur who has done a very good job in his own business, but there is one thing that is completely out of control, that is, his daughter who is in high school, who is suspended from school at home, has serious physical problems, suffers from serious blood diseases, nine deaths, rescued, please let me see, help analyze it.
After I read it, I said that this child is very stressful. It was severe stress that caused her body to collapse.
This father was very strange and said that my child was not stressed! She is particularly outstanding, excellent in academic performance, outstanding in ability, a new dance talent and so on.
I've seen too many things like this, so I listened to my father's introduction and started to chat directly with my children to understand the situation.
In fact, sometimes analyzing the condition is the same as solving the case, you don't go deep into the front line to collect information, no matter what, you will not think that this disease is actually caused by such an eight-shot can not be hit.
After chatting, I learned that this child will always be the first place in the exam. In addition, the dance is also excellent, and he often participates in various competitions.
Because in those days, I saw several such children in a row, all of them were more seriously ill, and they were also the first children. So I know their mentality very well.
In such a family, there are two kinds of parents, one is that the parents are excellent, they are very proud, and my children are also the most outstanding, so always encourage the children to rank first, to prove that my children are the most outstanding, that they have inherited my genes.
Another situation is that the parents have shortcomings, such as divorce, the mother will put all the resentment and hope on the child; for example, the parents are frustrated at work, and will also pin their hopes for the future on the child (this kind of work frustration, often less ill, some children are outstanding. The former one tends to be more severe).
In such a state of mind, children have anxieties that you can't see, especially the first place, especially afraid of the second place to catch up, so it is full of pressure. And that kind of parents design a lot of courses for their children, requiring children to complete desperately, often making children fall into emotional depression.
So, I spent a long time that day telling this child to learn to forget to compare herself to others, because she is now out of school and the pressure is even greater. I said don't compare, if than, you're the first in the grade, but what about the whole city? What about the whole country? Therefore, if you embark on the road of comparison, you will be unhappy for a lifetime, because you have to compare yourself with people all over the world. Therefore, learning to forget to compare is a very important lesson in life, do not learn now, in the future to the society, but also to learn.
After enlightenment, the father also knew that emotions could cause such a big problem.
Many people will feel that stress has nothing to do with blood diseases, in fact, I have seen too many various diseases caused by stress and poor mood, of which serious diseases are definitely not in the minority.
I once said that there are two kinds of anger, one is anger, fire can be sent out, those doting children, often angry; and the other kind of anger, is anger, fire in it, can not be sent out, will prevent the operation of the gas engine, which will eventually lead to human disorders.
For example, I have seen some children with tics, not all of them, but some of them, and their families have parents who have particularly strict academic requirements for their children and report a lot of interest classes to their children.
I think it's part of the cause of these kids, so once I meet such parents, I ask them to cancel all the interest classes, take the kids on a tour, go relaxing.
So why do parents get into this state?
I think there are several very important reasons:
1, parents feel that this child is my work, he must live according to my design, I want my work, everyone praises, the most outstanding.
In fact, this kind of thinking is debatable, in this world, there is no most outstanding work, this extreme idea, more harmful, randomly change the angle, the best will become the most boring. And who says kids are your work? The child is an independent person, and you are just raising him instead of society.
2, I want to give the best things to the children, in addition to eating and wearing, I want to give the best and most comprehensive education to the children! In order to let my child win the competition in the future, I fought.
These parents have such a slogan: "Don't let your child lose at the starting line", frankly speaking, in China's current education environment, the best education you think is often worse, the most harmful to children, and even signing up for interest classes has become utilitarian. The drawbacks of our education system are not to be mentioned, in short, our evaluation of it is not very optimistic now, such as the importance of this system on children's scores, and the neglect of children's physical and mental growth, which are not very positive. To have children at the forefront of this path, I think it is more risky. On the contrary, parents who are more assertive and understand the all-round development of their children will eventually gain more.
3, the child is the continuation of my life, I will let him complete my unfulfilled wishes!
I think it is more selfish to think this way, the child is an independent individual, he will have his own ideas in the future, why must you fulfill your wishes? For example, some children just like to do anime, you like physics, why don't you force him to do things he doesn't like? I have seen children like this, learning something at the will of their parents, and the result is that they are in pain to death, and I think this is called cutting enough. In an era when life is so diverse, it is a tragedy to still hold such an idea and not give the child enough respect as an individual.
I now watch my children a lot, I have feelings, some friends' children are receiving education overseas, when I return to the country to meet, please take a look at the body by the way, to see if there is any problem. In fact, such an occasion is very casual, I do not know that the child is back from abroad, but now as long as the child stands in front of me, basically I will distinguish it, the child who returned from abroad, the sunshine on his face, the body is fully stretched there, healthy and strong, a look to know that it is from overseas, most of the cases.
Domestic children, as long as they compare with the former, will immediately see the various influences of emotions, and the posture of the body will be different.
This is the influence of the education system, and there are also the influence of parents who are around and constantly exerting pressure.
I think such a child is more pitiful, should have thrived, but was overwhelmed by the expectations of their parents, such a child, the real harm, is still in the future.
Problems in children's education often stem from parents' heart disease.
Therefore, those parents who have high expectations and are desperate for their children, do not ruin their children.
Content source: Luo Dalun channel WeChat public account
Editor: Journal of Integrative Medicine Nursing
Correspondents: Qin Shasha, Sun Lei, Wang Jingjing