There is a widely disseminated article, which bubbles up on the Internet from time to time in the form of words and voices, and is also regarded by many parents and teachers as a "treasure book of life" to teach their children and students.
This bowl of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" tells a gripping story. The gist of it is:
There is a couple in the United States who put all their energy into raising children. However, this child is mischievous and mischievous, and it is not good to study. Dad then set a tempting condition for his child: "If you get into Harvard, we'll buy you a Ferrari sports car." ”
So, the child began to be angry at the Ferrari sports car.
Finally, the child was admitted to Harvard. He called his father: "Dad, I got in!" I want that car. ”
Dad said, "Come back, kid, we'll be waiting for you at home." ”
The child returned home elated to find a dining table and candlesticks in the house, and his parents were smiling. They stood behind the dining table, next to his neighbor.
The child couldn't wait to ask, "Daddy, what about my car?" ”
His father handed him a book in both hands and said to him, "Son, this is the gift we are going to give you." ”
The child took the book and looked at it, and found that it was a Bible. He slammed the book on the ground in anger and said, "I didn't expect you to deceive me for so many years!" Then slammed the door and left, never looking back.
More than a decade later, the child met his former neighbor in the field. His neighbor told him that your dad had died and that your mom was blind from crying because she was overthinking.
Hearing the news, the child thought it was time to go back.
When he entered the house, he found that when he left, the furnishings were still like that, still the dining table, still the candlestick, and there was still the book on the floor that he had dropped.
He asked in surprise what was going on? His mother heard the child's voice and said, "Son, you can see this book when you look at it." ”
When the child opens the book, it is hollowed out and contains a Ferrari key! The child ran to the backyard and found a Ferrari sports car parked there, already hanging a thick layer of dust.
The child burst into tears and asked the mother, "Why didn't you say it earlier?" His mother told him, "Son, only when you know the cost of looking less, do you know the importance of looking more." ”
At this point in the article, the author began to pour chicken soup: "Don't let a bad temper hurt you for the rest of your life." Everything can not only look at the surface, encounter things with the mentality of looking at more, through the phenomenon to see the essence, you can see the truth. Whether in life or in the workplace, we will encounter many things that we cannot understand at the time, and even make wrong decisions because of impulse. Don't let bad tempers and explosive mentalities ruin you, because you don't know the consequences, can you afford it? ”
Is this article well written? It is estimated that many people have a positive attitude, otherwise, how can it become a blockbuster network article, and be liked and forwarded every three to five.
However, Uncle Fan wants to say that this seemingly incomparable article is a bowl of "poisonous chicken soup" with a straight face! It just exposes the huge misunderstanding of parents in educating their children.
It is true that this child is too bad-tempered, extremely impulsive and very stubborn, but in Uncle Fan's view, his parents have a greater problem, are the main perpetrators of this family tragedy, and should bear greater responsibility.
This biggest blunder for American parents manifests itself in two ways:
First, they do not understand their children, they do not know how to communicate with their children, but they run all the way on the wrong road.
This pair of American parents hope that their children will become talented, but they obviously do not understand their children, so when guiding their children, they choose the seemingly most practical method of material inducement.
Because of their family's solid income, in order for their children to study well, they drove a Ferrari sports car at a sky-high price. In fact, this simple and rough approach is very common in daily life, the difference is that many parents can not afford Ferrari, so they replaced the "bet" with mobile phones and tablets.
You know, in the process of educating and guiding children, high material inducements, for children, good use is a reward, and if it is not used well, it may become a kind of harm and destroy the child's self-confidence; for parents, this method seems generous and generous, willing to pay, in fact, it is a simplification and shirking of the responsibility that they should bear.
Judging from the child's angry smashing of the book containing the Ferrari car keys and the flicking of the sleeve, the family's usual communication is seriously lacking, the parents do not understand the child, the child does not understand the parents, they each use their own way of thinking to figure out and design each other's lives.
To act well in a play, the various roles need to cooperate with each other tacitly, at least the lines must be able to catch it. Drama is like life, and so is life. The parents hid the car keys in the Bible, wanted to give the child an unexpected surprise, but also implied that Christians obeyed and passed on their own beliefs, can not help but say that in order to celebrate the child's admission to a prestigious school, the parents are thinking a lot, but the problem is that their children do not understand humor, and the humor in the parents' imagination becomes "black humor".
Obviously, the usual "rehearsal" is not enough, and parents have not created a humorous and relaxed family atmosphere at all, or have not cultivated their children's humor cells at all. In this case, can suddenly let the child perform a comedy without being yellow?'
Second, do not communicate with your children after problems, and prefer to wait passively rather than take the initiative to resolve conflicts.
The child misunderstands his parents and runs away from home in a fit of rage. It is reasonable to say that this is not a big deal, parents hurry to find their children to explain clearly, can't they?
However, the parents waited at home for more than a decade until their father died and their mother cried and blinded, the only constant being the Bible that contained the keys to the Ferrari and the dusty Ferrari. The imagined comedy was turned into a complete tragedy. Who is to blame? Compared with the children, the temperament and stubbornness of the parents are not inferior at all!
There are indeed such "one-sided" parents in life. When there are contradictions and conflicts with children, they do not put down their bodies, take the initiative to communicate with children, find common ground between the two sides, eliminate misunderstandings, and resolve contradictions, but behave more than children who do not understand things, or play the parents' prestige, suppress people, and even force children to obey by force; or put on the parents' stinky shelf, ignore the children, and fall into a family cold war.
In short, while blaming the American child for "looking less", this pair of American parents should feel more remorseful for not reminding their children to "look more". All parents in the world should learn from this family tragedy.
Indeed, being a parent is difficult! Being a qualified parent is harder! This has nothing to do with nationality.