Text: BabyHome Wei Guanyu
(Image source: Lin Yihan)
In the first few years of his debut, Tang Zhizhong's distinct American style and frank conversation made him give people an impression that was difficult to settle. But four and a half years ago, he married Xiaomi, and now he is a father of three children, and he has also taken his daughter to participate in the video of the parent-child reality program, and the image of a good man is not the same as in the past. Regarding this transformation, Tang Zhizhong said: "Although the life of my youth was exciting, my heart was empty; at this stage, I only feel very stable. ”
Settle down, just because the things you pursue are different
For his impression of the public before marriage, Tang Zhizhong believes: "Everyone at different stages of life, like to do things, pursue the goal will be different. When I was in my twenties, I liked to act, pursue excitement, want to have fun in nightclubs, meet different friends, but sometimes, the feeling of coming home is actually very empty, and I feel that I have less of a solid family. After reaching the age of thirty, I feel that it is time to settle down and make people's lives more solid and complete. ”
Tang Zhizhong said that he was also very fortunate to have a knowledgeable life experience in his twenties, which allowed him to observe a person's characteristics in a short period of time. "Xiaomi and I met on Facebook, and after talking, we found that our values, feelings, and family views are quite similar, so we decided to go down together." At this stage of life, the most different thing is that the mind has become very stable. ”
▲ Tang Zhizhong, who is happily married, believes that life is much more stable now than when he was young. (Image source: Tang Zhizhong Facebook)
Find the right channel and communicate again
Married for more than four years, he has three lovely children with his wife Xiaomi, and is a happy family that everyone envies. But Tang Zhizhong did not deny that couples often quarreled and had cold wars in the early days of marriage, and even did not say a word to each other for several days, just to insist that their ideas were right. "One morning we got up and said a few words, only to think that we had a quarrel and had not yet reconciled, so we continued the cold war. It's childish to think about! ”
Until one day, when he was announcing on the announcement, Zeng Guocheng's words made him start to think about some things. "When I talked about this situation on the show, Brother Cheng told me that he had been in the marriage for so many years, and he thought that there was nothing between the husband and wife that could not be communicated, but whether he had found the right 'channel'."
Tang Zhizhong said that when he first heard this sentence, in fact, he was not very clear about what these two words represented; after thinking about it, he gradually understood that the so-called "channel" refers to the state of mind. "When one or both of them are angry, the other person can't listen to anything; it must wait until the two people are slightly discouraged and communicate in a situation where they want to solve things. So later I understood that instead of saying something that makes the other party sound like an attack at the moment of conflict, it is better to wait until the right time to calm down and communicate, which is the wisdom of getting along. ”
▲ A sentence from Zeng Guocheng (middle) made Tang Zhizhong understand that the communication between husband and wife requires wisdom. (Image source: Tang Zhizhong Facebook)
In addition to smart communication, Tang Zhizhong believes that children are also an important key to maintaining the relationship between husband and wife. Once two people have the idea of separation, they can break the promise they have made, and they can also tear off the marriage certificate, but if they have children, it is impossible to take the children apart and divide them in half, then the husband and wife will not be separated lightly, but will be willing to change and progress in the conflict, so that the two can reach the most suitable state.
Men must make their wives happy
In recent years, the divorce rate has remained high, the seven-year itch has been the case in the past, and now many marriages have broken down after only two or three years, which shows that the freshness period of feelings is getting shorter and shorter with the change of social pattern. For maintaining the love between husband and wife, Tang Zhizhong said: "After marriage, you have to face many practical problems, and it is impossible to live every day like a fairy tale; but in any case, making your wife happy is the most important thing." ”
He believes that a woman who leaves her native family to marry a wife must pay a lot and sacrifice a lot, and a man should strive to make his wife happy, the family will be happy, and life will be beautiful. “Happy wife, happy life. That's the way it is! ”
▲ Tang Zhizhong said that men must make their wives happy. (Image source: Tang Zhizhong Facebook)
A happy family makes life more solid
After getting married and having children, Tang Zhizhong's changes can be clearly felt by his friends around him. "After becoming a dad, I still went to nightclubs with my friends, but I just wanted to talk to my friends about my children. I used to meet new girls and thought it was important to amuse them and make them think I was humorous; now it's all a chat, just take a picture of my daughter, share my daughter's things to them, maybe make them think it's strange that I do this on this occasion! ”
His wife Xiaomi, daughter Honey and Xiangxiang, and son Jayden, who was born on Father's Day last year, are the focus of Tang Zhizhong's life, not only trying to take his wife and children everywhere to play, but also often sharing life on Facebook to friends and fans. "Because of them, my life has become very different." Tang Zhizhong said that when he was young, talking about feelings was like playing a game, and there was always a sense of uncertainty. "Now, when I came home, I was very sure that my wife was waiting for me at home, and as soon as I opened the door, my daughter would scream and run to hug me, and they not only gave me a lot of strength, but also gave me a solid sense of the world." 」
▲ Tang Zhizhong always has an endless father's scripture, full of fatherly love to show. (Image source: Tang Zhizhong Facebook)
In terms of upbringing, the husband and wife should have the same caliber
In the child's upbringing, the couple will also have different times, but the principle that the two uphold is absolutely not to immediately interfere or correct when the other half disciplines, but to find another time to communicate and discuss. "Everyone has their own ideas and principles, and I think at this time, couples should maintain respect for each other."
Tang Zhizhong said that when the mother is preaching to the child, if the father immediately jumps out to accuse the mother, it will also cause a result; the child learns not to make mistakes in the future, but after making mistakes, the father is the backer. "So it's very important for couples to speak the same language, and once a child understands that someone in the family is a safe haven, education becomes very difficult."
▲ Tang Zhizhong and Xiaomi have a tacit understanding in parenting, and will never interfere when the other half disciplines. (Image source: Tang Zhizhong Facebook)
Listen with positive emotions and make your child happy to share things
In the process of growing up of the two daughters, naturally a lot of things happened that impressed Tang Zhizhong. I remember that my eldest daughter, Mimi, was very happy a few days before she first went to kindergarten, like going to a children's paradise. Tang Zhizhong asked her, "Will you be reluctant to your parents?" She also said happily: "No! I'm going to play with the teacher, the teacher is so good! Xiaomi listened, and there was still a sense of loss. But from the third day onwards, Honey's expression changed, and when she arrived at kindergarten, she cried and did not want to be separated from her parents.
"She cried so much that we were all reluctant to take her home. The teacher said firmly, 'No! Every child has this stage, and must pass it. Feel free to hand over the child to me! The next thing went on for three days, adding up to a week, and then I really stopped crying and could go to school happily. ”
When her daughter returns home from class, she will also take the initiative to share what happened in the kindergarten, but the fairy tales often make Tang Zhizhong cry and laugh. "Honey told me one day that she had a secret to secretly tell me, that is, she was married to a boy and had to take care of the baby together, and I almost didn't vomit blood! But I can't show my anger, otherwise she won't tell me anything in the future. "Tang Zhizhong had to ask Xiaomi to explain to her, saying that they are still young now, it is good to be good friends, and they can only get married when they grow up." I will also face the stage of their real boyfriend, marriage, and pregnancy in the future, so now I will think of it as psychological adjustment in advance! ”
▲ The daughter's fairy tales often make Tang Zhizhong laugh. (Image source: Tang Zhizhong Facebook)
Leave all the praise to the wife, and the one who benefits the most is yourself
Tang Zhizhong, who has three children, thinks that what conditions should be met for a "good father" in his mind? "The most important thing is whether there is any intention. If a man says that he has money at home, and that his family has eaten and clothed, and he has never given less, is he a good father? Although he provided basic material needs, did he help with them when his wife was unhappy? Do you get along well with your children? Will the child have something to say to him? ”
Tang Zhizhong believes that dad does not necessarily need to make a lot of money to make his family very rich, but the emotional part should be above the material life, as long as he treats his family with heart, he is willing to spend a lot of time with his family and interact, so that he can be regarded as a good father.
"Fathers also have to understand one thing, we leave all the credit and praise to our wives, and the biggest benefit is actually ourselves." 」 Tang Zhizhong said that he and his wife rushed to become the person who made the greatest contribution to the family, and they were not man at all! The wife's contribution and contribution is really great, men should let the wife get the most praise, let the parents think that their daughter-in-law is great, let the child think that their mother is great, the wife will become a better person, then the happiest, of course, is this man!
(For the full article, please see the BabyHome website)
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