Read "To the Lighthouse": Everyone has a lighthouse in their hearts
The storyline of "To the Lighthouse" is very simple, telling the story of the protagonist Mrs. Ramsay's family and friends, to the beach house to spend the summer vacation, the youngest son James wants to see the lighthouse at sea, but because of the weather, the matter is shelved.
Later, during the outbreak of The First World War, Mrs. Ramsey died, and the family was traumatized. Later, Mr. Ramsey took on the responsibility of the head of the family, took his son to fulfill his wish to see the lighthouse, and he himself came out of the inner haze and completed his redemption.
The lighthouse in the text is a building, but it is also a belief in everyone's heart, and it is a spiritual pillar in the heart.
As it says:
"Standing on the edge of life, seeing a lighthouse in the distance, to reach this lighthouse goal, you can only achieve it step by step."
When you reach out and take a step, you can see where the next step is. Self-actualization, or the pursuit of your mission, is not that you will one day reach a certain destination, but that you take every step.
First, life is not satisfactory nine times out of ten, often think of one or two, there is always a lighthouse to illuminate you.
At the low point of your life, there are always a few people or a few words to comfort you, and then look back in hindsight, you will find that it is actually just a small hurdle in life.
Because of them, your life has undergone some positive changes; and because of them, you have met a better version of yourself. Such a person, or such a force, can be called your beacon.
(1) The mother is the child's beacon (igniting the child's enthusiasm for life)
As the famous educationalist Sukhomlinsky said in his book Family Pedagogy:
"The source of a child's moral development lies in the wisdom, emotions and inner passion of the mother, and how it can become in its own moral development depends on what kind of mother there is."
Just like Mrs. Ramsey in the text, she is gentle, enthusiastic and cheerful, and uses her own words and deeds to cultivate James to be positive, full of love in her heart, full of enthusiasm and expectation for everything.
Mrs. Ramsey promised to take James to see the lighthouse, which not only satisfied the curiosity of the child, but also made him understand that he had a dream that must be realized, and placed in his heart a "lighthouse" of life and love for everything.
As parents, why aren't we the "beacons" in our children's minds? Our words and deeds directly play a subtle role in children. What kind of parents there are, what kind of children will naturally be raised.
The Winter Olympic champion Gu Ailing, who has been dominated by the screen in the past two days, is a vivid example.
Gu Ailing's mother and grandmother are both cultured, assertive and self-reliant.
They have been educating Gu Ailing since childhood:
"You're great, you're doing a great job, you deserve the best in everything."
This "I am very good" cognition is constantly internalized into Gu Ailing's heart, so that she dares to think and dare to do, continues to work hard, achieves impressive results in her studies and skiing, is admitted to Stanford University, and won the Olympic gold medal.
This sense of honor of "effort + reward" is not the "lighthouse" in her heart?
(2) The wife is the "lighthouse" in the husband's mind
Writer Shu Ting wrote in "To the Oak Tree":
"We share the cold waves, the wind and thunder, the thunderbolts; we share the fog, the streams, the rainbows. It is as if they are separated forever, but they are dependent on each other for life. ”
This sentence also applies to the management of the relationship between husband and wife.
Mrs. Ramsey is such a wise wife. She guides her husband and wife relationship and makes her family more stable and peaceful.
Her husband Ramsey is small-minded, selfish, hypocritical, has a particularly bad temper, never does housework, does not understand the slightest human accident, and the way to deal with others is to go straight, specially pouring "cold water", no one likes him, including his son James.
It is reasonable to say that such two people with different personalities get together, and life is simply impossible.
But Mrs. Ramsey knew how to tolerate his shortcomings, and followed his nature to live her life as a poem.
On the one hand, she will see the situation clearly and skillfully not have a direct conflict with her husband; on the other hand, when Mr. Ramsey is depressed, she will help her husband's mood to change from cloudy to sunny and quickly recover.
For example, when her husband is upset and loses his temper, Mrs. Ramsey will avoid him, give him a calm space, let him calm down, usually this method is very effective.
For example, when you feel that your husband is depressed, he knows that he needs the affirmation and support of the outside world at this time, and also needs everyone's attention and attention.
Mrs. Ramsey would decorate the house and tell her husband, "Look at how beautiful life is, and I and my children are with you, we are your strength." What else can crush you? ”
It is said that love is the best medicine in the world, and Mrs. Ramsey uses her love to keep her family together.
Others say marriage is like a dance:
"Marriage is like dancing tango, you enter and I retreat, you can finish the dance; you enter and I enter, it will force the other party to be unable to move; you retreat and I retreat, this relationship will be completely indifferent." 」
It has to be said that Mrs. Ramsey took Mr. Ramsey to a great marriage dance.
Second, the world is unpredictable, the lamp that shines on you will be extinguished inadvertently, and acceptance is the best tenderness
Everyone ignores the cold and summer, autumn to winter, and the only thing that remains unchanged is the flow of the four seasons of nature. For the human world, impermanence is the norm.
Often the things you are most convinced of, the things that you feel most ordinary, may come to a big reversal in the gap of time, hitting your brain with a dizziness.
As Xi Murong said in "Little Red Gate":
"You think that since the days come by like this day by day, of course, they should also pass like this day by day. There should be no difference between today and tomorrow, but there will be a time when you let go and turn around, and some things will change completely. The sun goes down, and before it rises again, some people will never say goodbye to you. ”
Although the light in your heart will go out, no matter how unsatisfactory life is, you still have to continue to live.
Just as darkness will not be monolithic, it will have some cracks. In the dark abyss, there will be some openings that can be seen through enough light. As long as you open your heart and let the light shine in, the wounded chest can slowly heal.
The world is uncertain, Mr. Yang Dai once said:
"There is no simple happiness in the world, happiness is always mixed with troubles and worries, and there is no eternity in the world." We have a bumpy life, and in the twilight years we have a place to settle down, but the old and sick have urged us, and we have come to an end on the road of life. ”
At the age of 88, Mr. Yang experienced the death of her beloved husband, Mr. Qian Zhongshu, and their only daughter also died of illness a year before her husband's death.
Yang Dai, who has suffered the loss of her son and widowed one after another, we cannot understand how sad her heart is.
In the 4th year of Mr. Qian Zhongshu's death, Yang Dai was 92 years old, and she wrote a memoir " The Two of Us " , recording the 63 years of this special family's dependence on each other in a special era.
She writes in the book:
"If you like someone very much, then please keep your friends' distance. This will never be lost for the rest of your life. ”
Indeed, some people, as soon as they miss it, are the people of the past; some things, no matter how beautiful, become a thing of the past.
Time condenses the past into memories, and you can look back, but you can't turn back.
Everything that is encountered, what is not else, what is owned, what is lost, cannot be changed. The only constant is that you have to face the ups and downs of a personal life, whether good or bad, dare to accept.
Life is bad enough to get better, because it can't be worse, after hard work, I know many things, and I insist on persevering.
The real life that can be lived is to do your best to change your life even if you are stained by the vicissitudes of the years.
After seeing the truth of life, still loving life is the right solution.
Third, life is full of ups and downs, follow the search up and down the heart, we will eventually reach our own lighthouse
Whoever we are, we have been or are going through our darkest moments of our lives, a long, dark, cold, desperate tunnel.
The difference is that some people have made good use of this journey, exercised their muscles and bones, walked through the tunnel and long ago been reborn, broken into a butterfly; while another part of the people, in this difficult journey, will only expect Ai Ai, complaining, and finally being taken by themselves to deviate from the rhythm and end up depressed.
We all have our own low points in life. At this moment, how do you choose and face it? After the low tide period, how has you changed?
Life is not a one-man show, love and being loved need to pay sincerity and sincerity. In the collision of your comings and goings, the days can be tasted.
The essence of life is this: to live soberly, to live hard.
Life has left you with a place of chicken feathers, and a strong person can always weave a beautiful duster of chicken feathers.
Just as life gives you a sour lemon, you can squeeze it into a glass of lemon juice, as long as you don't give up on yourself, life will not give up on you, you will meet a better self, find your own life beacon.
epilogue
Jobs' graduation speech at Stanford University has always been talked about by the world:
Everyone must have faith, to find the purpose and meaning of life, in the process of pursuit, you are looking for yourself, shaping yourself, which will make you feel at ease from the heart.
If you haven't found this thing yet, keep looking for it and don't stop. When you find it, you'll know that, like any kind of sincere relationship, it will only get closer and closer as the years go by.