It is said that "raising children to prevent the elderly", the neighbor Aunt Lu has always been convinced of this, and aunt Lu has always praised her son and daughter-in-law for filial piety when chatting in the community, saying that in the future, when she is old, she will move to live with her son and daughter-in-law.
Aunt Lu is our downstairs neighbor, 68 years old, his wife died last year, his daughter got married and had children in other provinces, his son and daughter-in-law live in a new area of our city, it is not half an hour's drive from us, Aunt Lu and his wife live together after retirement, and they are quite comfortable.
Unexpectedly, Aunt Lu's wife died suddenly of illness the year before, Aunt Lu was too sad, her health was not very good, and there was no one around after she fainted once, which was very dangerous, so her son and daughter did not trust her to live alone.
Although Aunt Lu's daughter has repeatedly let Aunt Lu live with her in the past, Aunt Lu feels that her son's house was bought by herself and her wife, the house is quite large, and it is only natural to live in her son's house when she is old. Aunt Lu decided to move in to her son's house so that she could see her grandson every day.
When she moved over, Aunt Lu was very excited, and I remember my mother chatting with her that day, and she also said: "If this house doesn't work, it will be sold, and I will live with my sons and grandchildren in the future." “
Unexpectedly, Aunt Lu had just lived with her son and daughter-in-law's family for more than half a year, and she came back in a low mood.
After the old man lived in his son's house, he understood a truth: his son's home was not his own home
After understanding the reasons, I learned that Aunt Lu was not comfortable in her son's home, and she always felt that she was an outsider in her son's home, and she always had various small frictions with her daughter-in-law, and it was better to live alone.
Aunt Lu said that she thought that she and her wife had bought a set of more than 140 square meters of large third-room for her son and daughter-in-law, and it was convenient for her son to live when he was old. After Aunt Lu went, at first, her daughter-in-law was still good to herself, and she was very happy with her grandson.
After not wanting to go by herself for a while, Aunt Lu felt that she was not welcome, and she was completely like an outsider in her son's home, saying that no one would listen to anything.
Aunt Lu said that her son has a good temperament, has been very sensible since he was a child, and is also very filial to Aunt Lu and his wife, so at first Aunt Lu thought about living with her son, her son should consider her feelings very much and take care of her feelings.
But in fact, since Aunt Lu lived in her son's home, everything the son did had to look at the face of the daughter-in-law, if it involved Aunt Lu's affairs, the son also had to consult with the daughter-in-law, for this reason, Aunt Lu felt that her son was too in the family.
Because of this incident, Aunt Lu said to her son several times, and the son did not say a word when she listened, and the daughter-in-law also took What Aunt Lu said as a deaf ear.
For example, Aunt Lu wants to eat light food, but when the daughter-in-law cooks, she always likes to put more oil; for example, Aunt Lu is used to saving, seeing that her son's family spends money and spends a lot of money, many reminders, but the son and daughter-in-law superficially agree, but still do their own thing.
Most importantly, in the education of her grandson, Aunt Lu spoils her grandson, but the daughter-in-law is too strict with her grandson, the grandson is only in the second grade, and the daughter-in-law argues with the child all day because of the homework, and she is also strict with the grandson's eating, not letting eat this and not letting eat that.
In general, it is all trivial things, but small contradictions have accumulated into big problems, so that Aunt Lu feels more and more like an outsider in her son's family, has no right to speak, no one listens to her words, and her daughter-in-law still likes to show her face, and her son also acquiesced to such a situation.
In addition, Aunt Lu and her son did not have much to say, because the son liked to play with his mobile phone when he came home, and he couldn't say a few words to her, he wanted to watch TV, and the daughter-in-law said that she was afraid of delaying the child's learning, and she didn't let go.
Until this time, Aunt Lu finally understood a truth: even if the house of her son and daughter-in-law was bought and renovated by herself and her wife, it was not her own home, in this home, she was just an outsider and was not welcome.
After living in his son's home, the 68-year-old's 3-point feelings hurt the hearts of many people and resonated
Because of this, Aunt Lu endured again and again, and finally couldn't bear it anymore, so she and her daughter-in-law talked and quarreled a few times, and then the daughter-in-law said to her: "If you want to be here, you can go to your daughter's house." In a fit of anger, Aunt Lu ignored her son's retention and returned to her home.
From the chat with Aunt Lu, I found that during the six months that Aunt Lu lived in the daughter-in-law's daughter-in-law's home, she talked about three feelings, in fact, these feelings are also the common feelings of many elderly people and their sons and daughters-in-law after living together.
(1) Just outsiders, feel more lonely
From Aunt Lu's narration, it can be seen that Although there are many people in Aunt Lu's daughter-in-law's home, she does not feel happy and lively, but feels more lonely.
Originally the son is his dearest person, thinking that when the son is at home, he can chat with his son and talk, but the son likes to hold the mobile phone to play games after work, and she can't say a few words, the grandchildren and daughters-in-law are too strict, plus they haven't brought their grandchildren much since they were young, and the grandsons and themselves are not too close.
And the daughter-in-law can not say intimate words, and when talking to the daughter-in-law, you can be careful, lest which sentence is not right, so that the daughter-in-law is not happy, so as to pull down the face.
(2) The daughter-in-law is polite on the surface, but in fact rejects her
When Aunt Lu did not live with her daughter-in-law, she also felt that her daughter-in-law was a good person, her mouth was very sweet, and she was very kind to Aunt Lu when she came back from the New Year's Festival.
Unexpectedly, after Aunt Lu and her son and daughter-in-law lived together, at first the daughter-in-law was still polite, but after a long time, the daughter-in-law's attitude towards her was lukewarm, and some suggestions made by Aunt Lu, the daughter-in-law was also one ear in, one ear out, and did not listen at all.
At first, Aunt Lu still felt that she was too sensitive, but after a long time, she felt that her daughter-in-law did not want her to live here, and she had always regarded her as an outsider, and psychologically rejected her.
(3) It is even more uncomfortable for the son to be sandwiched in the middle, and it is more uncomfortable to see the daughter-in-law's face talking
Aunt Lu has always felt that her son is very filial and sensible, and she has known since she was a child that she is distressed, and many of the things she says, her son also listens, so she is very happy to move in with her son at the beginning.
But after living together, Aunt Lu found that her son listened to her daughter-in-law for everything, and sometimes Aunt Lu had something to say to her son, and the son had to listen to her daughter-in-law's advice, and she had to look at her daughter-in-law's face for everything.
Once, because of a small matter, the daughter-in-law did not talk to her in blackface, Aunt Lu was very aggrieved, she secretly said to her son, the son was also very embarrassed, said that he was going to talk about the daughter-in-law, but Aunt Lu saw it, the son should not dare to say daughter-in-law.
In fact, aunt Lu's three feelings have spoken out the voices of many old people after living in her son's home, and have also triggered some resonance.
epilogue
As a traditional concept, raising children and preventing old age has always been the view that many elderly people insist on, so when they can contribute money and efforts, they will try to do more things for their sons and daughters-in-law, such as buying a marriage house, taking children, subsidizing their sons' families and so on.
The reason for this is that on the one hand, it feels that this is a responsibility, and on the other hand, it is driven by the concept of "raising children and preventing old age", because many elderly people take it for granted that they have to rely on their sons when they are old, and they want to live with their sons, so they can do more for their sons and daughters-in-law, and they will be more filial to themselves in the future.
However, in reality, after some old people really live with their sons and daughters-in-law, they feel that the reality is far from being as beautiful as they imagined, and they will even feel sad and sad like Aunt Lu.
This should cause us to think deeply, in fact, the elderly do not have many requirements for their children, they just don't want to be so lonely alone, they want their children and grandchildren to go around their knees and enjoy the joy of the world when they are old.
As children, we should understand these ideas of the elderly, and try to be more tolerant, more understanding, filial piety to the elderly, and make a good example for our children, so that the family can be harmonious and happy.