Unsent letter — third letter

2635

I feel more and more that it is less and less likely to give these words to you, because more and more words, you will be less patient and interested, but I still want to write them so that my heart can calm down.

I don't know why yesterday you suddenly remembered to call me and say it was raining, whether the subway mouth was waiting for me, it was really unexpected, because since last year, you have not called me for a long time after school and back to school, to tell the truth, I was very, very disappointed at that time, especially at the beginning, I was so uncomfortable that every time I returned to school or school, I would look at the phone from time to time, thinking that you would not call, but no... I stayed up like this, but never forgot, that is, yesterday when I was on the bus, I was still thinking about the past, but I knew that the past was the past, it was impossible to come back, with the last July gone and did not return, although it existed, but never found back, if you tell me, I am happy to listen.

I have struggled countless times in my heart, to fight back against your indifference and ruthlessness to me, so that I have wrongly paid people, but every time I face you, whether it is face-to-face speech or on the phone, I have instantly betrayed myself and completely surrendered, because I am not as ruthless as you, I am not willing to snub you at all, embarrass you, maybe I am still afraid of losing you, this is my weakness, and you are not afraid, you want me to be as far away as possible, is not it?

I wanted to wait for you to call me, but I was worried that I didn't give you a call, you crossed the subway entrance, and what to do if you threw me away, in front of you I now have no confidence, hehe, you see here will not be painful. In the process of waiting for you, I thought a lot, whether to talk to you in the car, but I know that I am facing your attitude of putting me thousands of miles away, I can't say it, you won't give me a chance to speak. Finally I decided, no matter what, that I would say thank you, that I remembered me today and that I did not forget who I am now. But along the way I didn't know how to say it, until when I got out of the car, I desperately wanted to say this sentence, but when I just said it, thank you, you immediately said, no! Block me, when I said the second half of the sentence "remember me", I don't know if you heard it, the words that have been brewing in my heart for so long are worse than your two words, and I am hurting myself.

But just because of one of your phone calls, although I have waited for a long time, I am still very happy, I think you still care about me, you have not gone far, although all kinds of unavoidable, but there is still a shadow of me in my heart, this life, so far, I have not been able to let go of a person like this, there is no such bottomless concession to like a person, none of them except you, but all this is my wishful thinking, you let me lose so miserably.

I am extremely emotional and sensitive now, because as long as I am here, I will think of you, such as what you let others do, before it was solved by the two of us, now it is someone else, I will think that you are leaving me, do not need me, I am very sad, and the emotional is that I feel that you don't care about me, do not help me, I am sad and sad, I can't help but explode, this is the real reason why I am not normal now.

3526

2021-09-06 night