Text/Maternal and Infant Journals
Happy people use childhood to heal a lifetime, and unfortunate people use a lifetime to heal childhood. --Adler, a famous Austrian psychiatrist
From the beginning of pregnancy, I have been constantly thinking about some questions: How to be a good mother? How to give your child a happy home? How to give children a better future?
For five years, with these questions in mind, I have carefully observed all kinds of families and children around me and on the Internet, while reading and learning in the vast sea of books. While self-learning and growing, I have more questions: Why are there so many problem children and adults with unsound personalities in this world?
With these questions in mind, I continued to pursue, and later found the big answer in the lecture of Li Meijin, a professor of criminal psychology at the China Public Security University: if a person has a problem, he must go back to his family, and his current problem must be related to the bad family situation.
Although not all bad families have problem children, bad families are indeed prone to problem children.
In the various juvenile delinquency cases analyzed by Li Meijin, children who grow up in coddling are prone to willfulness, selfishness, and no sense of responsibility; most children who grow up under oppression have no opinions; children who grow up under violence will have character defects and violence; children who grow up under indifference will also respond with indifference or even cold-bloodedness.
When it comes to problem children, many people will feel that it is the sadness of parents, if you look at the long term, you will know that bad families are not only prone to problem children, but also ruin the future and future of children.
Coddling develops willfulness and lack of responsibility
Hui zong is 34 years old, has sat in a senior management position in the company, and his wife is beautiful and his daughter is well-behaved. What everyone did not understand was that Hui Zong suddenly divorced.
However, Hui Zong's own original words were: "I can do anything, I just want Tingting." Tingting is also married and has been in a relationship with Hui Zong for three years. Hui zong is using his connections, resources, and money to support Tingting to go up in the workplace.
The people below have to help Tingting do business activities from time to time, and their own side will be suspended, and after more times, the people below will complain. The leadership also occasionally mentions as a friend: Hui, you are too unprofessional now.
In exchange for the phrase "I don't want anything, just her".
And Tingting, mentioning her son, is a happy face to say" my mother-in-law carries it, my mother-in-law is particularly good to us", that kind of satisfaction with a stable marriage, overflowing with words.
Mr. Hui, from childhood to adulthood, is the treasure of the family, clothes to stretch out, food to open his mouth, everything is according to his preferences.
Hui, who has always been held and raised, has the charm of a leader with his outward self-confidence. But the laissez-faire of personal life and emotions makes many people not understand.
A female subordinate who is married and has children once said: "I don't know if she ever thought about her daughter when she was crooked with Tingting, thinking about him before saying that he was ashamed of his daughter or something, I feel sick now." ”
In fact, life is too good, what good things are too easy to get, put their own temporary happiness far above the happiness of the family, children, but also on the interests of the company and subordinates.
Professor Li Meijin said: "Shamelessness was drowned out in every way in the early years. ”
Hui Zong has now given up the family, but Tingting has no intention of divorce, and the two have been in conflict. In the workplace, it has also lost credibility to leaders and subordinates, and it is very unstable.
Beneath the violence there must be flaws and violence
Xi Qian and Xiao Cheng sisters and brothers grew up watching their father's domestic violence and mother grow up. Xi Qian was brought by her grandmother before she was 3 years old, and returned to the family after the age of 3, because of her stubborn nature, she was also beaten up from an early age. But whether she was pushed, kicked, or beaten by a broomstick, her only reaction was not to cry, staring viciously in her eyes, followed by more violent domestic violence.
Xiaocheng is a rare and intelligent child, who grew up around his parents, was not beaten, and generally obeyed before the adults got angry. But he also grew up witnessing his father's violence.
Sissi is now married, especially hoping to be recognized by others, and will carefully do a lot of things, but at the same time put up a defense, and a little thing will explode. Overeating, resulting in excessive insulin, hormone disorders in the body, and the inability to get pregnant for several years after marriage. The relationship between husband and wife and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been very tense.
Xiaocheng is 16 years old, 1.85 meters, and when his father was violent last time, he had already gone to the kitchen to get a knife to confront his father. Dropped out of school and spent the day hanging out with a few boys, smoking, drinking and playing games, just like his father did when he was younger.
XiXi and Xiaocheng's parents worry day and night about Xixi's marriage and Xiaocheng's future, do they love their children? love. But they don't understand the impact of family on a child's development.
Those children who are afraid and helpless under domestic violence will grow up one day, when his height and strength are enough to fight back, it is the sadness of their parents, and when they cannot have a good future and a happy life because of character defects, it is not only the sadness of their parents.
Indifference sows the seeds of cruelty
Xiao Jian, 28, has been missing for three years.
Xiao Jian's abnormality was already evident in high school, always telling his brother that "someone wants to harm our uncle, and someone wants to arrest him." Their great uncle was a teacher at the high school at the time.
His brother, who was only a year older than Xiao Jian, reported the situation to his father and uncle, but did not get any reaction.
Xiao Jian's brother took Xiao Jian to his side while working during the summer vacation, and at the same time borrowed money to go to the hospital psychiatric department for identification and took medicine, but Xiao Jian did not eat, lived for a while and left.
The brother gave feedback to the father again, and the father and the uncles discussed and concluded that the eldest son wanted to cheat them of money.
When Xiao Jian was in his third year of college, the school called, xiao Jian always smashed the teachers' car glass at school, and was eventually photographed by the surveillance, and Xiao Jian was detained.
At that time, I learned that Xiao jian's monthly living expenses were 500 yuan. Then my father received a call from an online loan.
The conclusion reached is still one, raising such a big son did not come out.
Xiao Jian is silent and taciturn, and will also speak harshly to his mother, and there will be a great conflict with his classmates when he does not agree, so when he is in college, all the people in the dormitory have moved away, he has been living by himself, and no one dares to approach him.
But obviously he used to cook sometimes to take care of other people's tastes, and would bring his younger siblings to play together.
How many parents still value money more than their children? From childhood to adulthood, in addition to letting children wrap their abdomen and cover their bodies, they only wait for their children to prevent aging.
Professor Li Meijin: Cruelty is the result of loneliness and helplessness.
Professor Li Meijin has been committed to calling on people to pay attention to family education and the influence of the original family on children.
Standing in her position, she has seen too many cases, so many problem children, tracing back to the source of the family environment and family education are growing up under the bad family environment.
There is a father, when the child has problems, he is ready to take the child to visit Professor Li Meijin.
Professor Li told him: "You can come by yourself, the child does not use it, your problem is solved, and the child's problem will naturally be solved."
Educate people before you educate yourself. Whether it is a friend around me or a distant case, all of them are reminding me that I must grow myself, constantly improve myself, and be a person with a mature mind and stable emotions, which is the premise of educating children.
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