Zhang Ailing's "The First Burning Incense" tells the story of a Shanghai girl, Ge Weilong, who went to Hong Kong to study, ran out of money, and went to the rich aunt Mrs. Leung.
On the one hand, Ge Weilong envied her aunt's material life, and on the other hand, she was angry with her aunt and let her be a social flower.
When she was planning to return to Shanghai, she met Georgie Joe and loved him to the bone.
She thought that as long as he nodded his head and married, she was willing to be a social flower to raise Georgie Joe, and henceforth start the tragic trajectory of life.
Georgie is obviously not suitable to be a husband, and his scum can be seen by others.
First of all, Georgie Joe has no ability to support his family.
Father Qiao Cheng a bunch of aunts, more than a dozen sons, Georgie Joe is not favored, when the father is still alive money is not enough to spend.
As early as before the marriage, Ya Gui told Wei Long that this playboy had no skills except to spend money and play.
They don't have any skills, they don't have the ability to make money, and they don't want to live a good life and do a job.
No matter how cleverly such a boy speaks, it seems that no matter how generous the shot is, it is not a good match, and it is impossible to drink water and be full of affection.
The second is not to be single-minded and to be merciful everywhere.
After he climbed over the wall and sneaked into Ge Weilong's room to have sex with her, he and Liang Fu's servant Yun Yu.
One infidelity before marriage, not a hundred times after marriage, blatant and non-single before marriage, and after marriage, it will only treat cheating as a writer's common meal.
If you marry this kind of flower man, you will only have endless anger in the second half of your life, and you will be prone to gynecological diseases.
Third, and most importantly, Georgie Joe doesn't love Ge Weilong.
Veron was a trophy or a cash machine to him.
Georgie Joe said: "I am not ready to get married, even if I have the ability to marry, I am not worthy."
I couldn't be a satisfying husband until I was fifty...
Veron, I can't promise you to get married, and I can't promise you love, I can only promise you happiness. ”
This passage is Ming Huanghuang's disclaimer, and it is also up to Mrs. Liang to agree to marry.
Mrs. Liang lobbied like this: "After seven or eight years, Wei Long's income must have been greatly reduced.
When she can't earn money to support the family, you can divorce her.
In English law, divorce is quite difficult, the only legal reason is adultery, you have to catch the evidence of the other party's adultery, that is not easy? ”
Georgie Joe reluctantly agreed.
Imagine a boy who does not love her when she is in the girl's double decade and the golden mate selection period;
Because of the interests of marriage, after marriage, the girl's appearance is reduced, the income is reduced, and the boy will only love her more.
Everyone else can see that Georgie Joe is unreliable, why is Wei Long still desperate to be with him?
Because boys like Georgie Joe are like poppies, making her addicted and sinking.
The vanity of marrying a male god makes her ignore the risks of the relationship, and the relationship that is only sustained by money is fragile and sad.
Ge Weilong is too optimistic, overestimating his influence, thinking that he can change his heart, thinking that if he gives Georgie Money, he will love her.
Maybe Georgie Joe will change, do a job, and get a new lease on her influence.
But in fact, the truth in feelings is that it is difficult to change others than to change yourself.
The heart cannot be changed, it will only become more intense, and the self-motivation cannot be changed.
The only thing we can change is to quit this addiction to the emotional value of scumbags, produce antibodies, and use our immunity to resist these toxic love words.
Guys like Georgie Joe, they don't have the heart.
Indulge in conquering one girl after another, giving them illusory emotional value, and obtaining sexual pleasure.
The routine of the prodigal son in the love field is usually the following:
01
Show your charm
They usually have a good relationship with some of the more beautiful or status women, so that the "prey" sees their high social certification.
Professor Bath explained in the book "Evolutionary Psychology" that girls generally find the male photo around the beautiful girl more attractive than the male student in the single photo.
Common examples include the image of the domineering president of the company, the circle of friends to take photos of friends gathering, are all beautiful women.
There are also occasions that look high-end, such as yachts, cocktail parties, forums.
In fact, it is convenient for short-term girls to use, and some people buy luxury car logos to create momentum for the circle of friends.
Girls who are not deeply involved in the world will instinctively have a good feeling, thinking that the other party is a quality male.
02
Make girls feel like they have met a soul mate
The Barnum effect, also known as the Fra effect, the astrological effect, is a psychological phenomenon experimentally demonstrated by psychologist Bertram Fora in 1948.
It is often assumed that a general, general description of personality reveals its own characteristics very accurately.
When people use vague, broad adjectives to describe a person, it is often easy to accept those descriptions and think that what is said in the description is themselves.
Men sometimes say to new girls:
"You look very quiet, but I think your heart is still quite enthusiastic."
It's just that you are not familiar with me, and you should talk a lot and lively in front of people you know.
On the outside, he seems to be confident, but inside he has an irritable side. ”
After hearing these words, some girls will feel that "this person knows me too well" and gradually let go of their guard.
But in fact he might have said the same thing with the next girl.
If the other party is exposed to things that we can't understand, beyond cognition, we can easily filter such a opposite sex, and the subconscious mind is taken away with rhythm.
03
A seemingly sincere disclaimer
Many scumbags will constantly give disclaimers when interacting with girls.
Like Georgie Joe directly told Ge Weilong that he did not intend to get married, he could not control himself.
In the movie, Jojo's sister also said: "He was born without the concept of loyalty." ”
These words are a reminder to girls not to moths to put out fires.
Imagine a girl who meets a domineering president who is handsome and "understands" herself, reveals her vulnerable side, and tells herself that she is not worthy of marriage, how can a girl who is not deeply involved in the world not be on the top?
Girls are too easily attracted to such a loveless boy and can't help but feel sorry for him.
Feel that maybe you are different and can change each other.
Finally forget that the other person is like an onion, no heart.
They rely on emotional value to attract all kinds of girls who are not deeply involved in the world to send warmth, in fact, they are very thin in their bones and have no sense of responsibility to speak of.
Boys like Georgie Joe are attracted to girls like magicians do magic, and the more curious they are about how to conjure up, the more they are firmly attracted to him.
So girls need to disenchant: not curious, anti-repressive, self-empowerment.
1. Not curious
If we compare playboys to charlatans who set up stalls and sell art, we are not curious about the products they peddle and juggle, if they are not their audience, if they do not think about their ideas, they will not deceive us.
Some boys show enthusiasm at the beginning and actively pursue girls, and then they become more and more cold.
The girl who is used to being greeted begins to be anxious, self-doubting, wondering what he is busy with and why he has not contacted himself yet.
As everyone knows, this is their routine, when girls can't help but take the initiative to contact them, when they suffer from gains and losses, they have already attacked the hearts of girls.
Meeting again and proposing further development, even without commitment and without a clear relationship, can make girls willing to give hugs.
2. Counter-suppression
The prodigal son is very good at suppressing others, for example: there was a boy who was talking about palms at a party, and a group of girls around him were very curious and asked him to help.
He tapped the back of a girl's hand with a glass, "Don't worry, keep the focus."
The girl blushed, did not get angry, but had an ambiguous feeling in her heart, and this rejection was a kind of suppression.
The smart girl would not have gathered around at the beginning, recognized his routine at a glance, and said:
"Do you often knock on the back of a girl's hand like this?" Looks experienced. ”
Well, it will be him who is in a mess.
3. Self-empowerment
Girls who know how to improve themselves and empower themselves usually don't have a filter on playboys.
Just like Mo Jieyu in "Dangerous Relationship" will not fall in love with Xie Yifan.
She has wealth and good looks, she has her own business, Xie's routine is useless to her, she does not believe that such a boy will talk about love lightly, and bet with him.
Girls who have their own careers can also avoid being tricked.
When Xiao Mo just graduated, he met Xiao Shuai who started a business, and felt that the other party was motivated and had a career, and Xiao Shuai said that he would help Xiao Mo open a company in the future.
Xiao Mo was touched, things passed, the two people no longer loved, Xiao Shuai empathized and did not fall in love.
Xiao Mo also began to start a business from a white-collar worker, found that opening a company itself is not money, find a company that keeps accounts and declares taxes, and the basic process is half completed.
She went back to review her feelings with Xiao Shuai and found that she had added a very thick filter.
To develop lasting immunity to scumbags, you need to take off the filter yourself.
Let's start by letting ourselves know more, when we have the ability to think independently, the other person's routine is not attractive to us.
When your knowledge exceeds his, the other party's magic will not deceive you.
Let the unreliable boy look at you and know that he has confirmed the look, you are the one he can't deceive.
Through our self-empowerment, we also tap into our new potential, have more skills to lean in, enter the good circle, and find the right person.
The author | Lu Meiran, doctor of psychology, marriage and family counselor, good at emotional management, emotional intelligence improvement, focus on female growth, accompany you to be the master of emotions, and become a better self.