Text: Blue Dream
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Who can be counted on when people are old?
At that time, even if the parents were alive, they could rarely help themselves; at that time, even if the husband and wife loved, they could rarely shield themselves from the wind and rain; at that time, even if they were healthy, with the passage of time, they could rarely take care of themselves.
Looking around, it is the children, especially the sons, who have the ability and energy to take care of themselves.
The daughter is hindered by the son-in-law, and is mostly in a weak position in the marriage, even if she has the heart to take care of her parents, her execution will decline. On the other hand, the son's economic ability is always at a relatively good level, as long as the son is willing, he can take care of himself.
And this is also the reason why many elderly people prefer sons to daughters.
Fortunately, with the progress of society and the improvement of women's ability in the workplace, more and more parents gradually have a sense of equality between men and women, and they are no longer as harsh as before.
However, the concept of raising children and preventing the elderly is still deeply rooted in the hearts of the people, and is regarded by many elderly people as a strong support for enjoying their old age. In this case, parents will choose to give everything for their children.
It's great to do so, and it's admirable. It's just that if the child lacks filial piety, the parents can easily fall into the embarrassment of having nothing in this situation.
Therefore, the wise old man knows that if you want to truly realize the dependence of the old, you cannot easily agree to the two demands of your children.
01 Paying for the child is also exhausting the body
As the saying goes, the love of parents and sons is far-reaching. There is no end to the love of parents for their children. In the process of growing up, they will always make long-term considerations for their children and hope that their children can live safely and smoothly.
Even if the child has grown up and become the pillar of the whole family, their love has not diminished in the slightest. It is based on this that parents will take on the burden of caring for their grandchildren and strive to make their children work hard in this way.
The idea is good, but be moderate, otherwise the parents may fall into the point of being old and helpless.
For example, Aunt Yao. The year after she retired, her grandson was born. My son and daughter-in-law are busy with work and hope she can reach out. As a mother, she naturally had a duty, so she began a long-term journey to take care of her grandchildren.
Aunt Yao is more diligent and can't see the dirty mess at home, so in addition to taking care of the children, she also does housework by the way. At first, it was just shabu-shabu or something, and later, all the housework in the family was done.
For what Aunt Yao did, the son and daughter-in-law were initially very grateful. But as time goes by, their gratitude becomes less and less, even taken for granted. Sometimes Aunt Yao's meal is done late, and the daughter-in-law will complain.
The problem is that taking care of children is never an easy task. Especially when the child is sick. Aunt Yao's physique is quite OK, but she can't afford to often hold the child upstairs and downstairs, plus she has to do housework or something, so her health is deteriorating.
Most importantly, she pays for all the expenses of taking care of the children, cooking and cooking. And her retirement salary basically cost seven seven eight eight. Whenever she saw the numbers on the books decreasing, Aunt Yao felt extremely anxious, and she worried that her quality of life would decline in her later years.
For her worries, the daughter-in-law said that she was worried, with them, how could she possibly encounter a situation where she had no one to rely on? But Aunt Yao didn't feel that she was worried. She felt that if they really had filial piety, they should experience their own hardships, whether it was taking care of children, or doing housework or whatever, they should share a little for themselves. Instead of letting yourself get busy and exhausted when the time comes.
Imagine that when she was in good health, they could not understand her hardships, but when her body went wrong, they would immediately become understanding? Obviously not.
When Aunt Yao complained to her friend, the friend had offered to let her leave, but she did not dare, always worried that doing so would cause resentment from her son and daughter-in-law; but if she wanted to persist, she felt extremely painful, after all, her physical fitness was gradually declining. This made Aunt Yao feel extremely painful, but she didn't know how to solve it.
Aunt Yao often uses her own experience to tell others that it is okay to bring a baby to her son, but she cannot contribute money and exhaust her body, otherwise it is difficult for her to enjoy the time in her old age.
02 Ask for money from other children for children who are not in good condition
In families with many children, the elderly will involuntarily tend to those children who are not in good condition, on the grounds that he is weaker and needs appropriate help from his parents.
This is understandable, after all, they are all children, when parents, how can they bear to watch a child struggle on the survival line and turn a blind eye?
The problem is that older parents have relatively little help to provide to their children. That is to say, with the help of their parents alone, it is difficult for those children with weaker strength to achieve class leapfrogging and live a worry-free life from then on.
In this case, parents will focus on other children with better abilities, hoping to let excellent children help poor children, and thus achieve the goal of increasing the strength of the entire family.
It's just that there is a drawback to doing so, that is, good children become tools for poor children. Those children who are not strong will not be grateful to their brothers and sisters for their help, but will be taken for granted. Once they stop helping themselves, they will do everything they can to block their brothers and sisters.
For example, Fan Shengmei's brother in "Ode to Joy".
As a brother, he is not ashamed to rely on his sister to live, but on the contrary, he is also a little proud, feeling that he can live the same life as his peers without effort. This sense of pleasure makes him very satisfied, so when Fan Shengmei no longer "sponsors" him, he will be ashamed and angry, thinking that the other party is too "cruel".
Fan Shengmei's parents should realize that their son's ideas are wrong and persuade him to go the right way in daily life. For example, participate in work, etc. However, they did not do this, but ignored Fan Shengmei's needs and begged her to pay, which put Fan Shengmei in a dilemma.
If you play money, your brother is a bottomless pit, in this case, no matter how much money you earn, it is not enough for him to squander; if you don't fight, it is "no filial piety".
This will make her resentful of her parents. As for Fan Shengmei's brother, if his parents can ask for money, he will naturally be happy. But if the parents don't do it, he will complain to them.
In other words, Fan Shengmei's parents are busy, which will only make a pair of children hate them even more. At this time, it is difficult to achieve the goal of relying on the elderly.
The 60-year-old needs to realize that if you want to be old and dependent, don't contribute money for your children and exhaust your body, and don't ask for money from other children for children with bad conditions. Only when parents can carry it clearly can they gain the respect of their children and live a high-quality old age.
END.