I particularly like two sentences:
1, the speaker has no intention, the listener has a heart.
2, a good word three winter warm, bad words hurt people in June cold.
There are often people who do "curse the heart" under the banner of "loyal words and against the ears" and do not know it yet. This is the biggest problem between husband and wife!
Perhaps because of too much trust in the relationship between husband and wife, or perhaps because of the lack of brains, they have become unscrupulous, casual and unbridled: some words "know that they can't say it and say it", as if not saying it will kill themselves, which is the way stupid people please themselves!
As everyone knows, whether you have a heart or an intention, the other party will listen to the heart; whether you are a good word or a bad word, the other party will be uncomfortable in the heart.
The biggest pathology of people is that many times, it is not that we do not know that some things are good for us, nor that we do not know that some things are bad for us. But it just can't change the two "faults"!
1, to turn around happy and forget, to sad but not to forget.
2, can not face the reality, but also can not face themselves.
Never pluck out your lungs and say something hurtful because the relationship between two people is too good and too familiar. Maybe we can believe in intimacy, but we must never test human nature! Especially when the other party is just sullen and unhappy, hurting people is tantamount to the power of the sword, even a thousand times, a hundred times more than the sword!
Carnegie said in "The Weakness of Human Nature": Sharp criticism and attack, the effect is zero.
Deeply believed!
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="21" > four sentences that hurt people a thousand times or a hundred times more than "swords", have you said that? </h1>
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="23" > about "intimate behavior"</h1>
1, there are no complete two leaves in the world, naturally there will not be two similar people.
2. Any act of "cooperation" must require two people to have the same will in order to be harmoniously completed.
The above two points are also the key to the problem!
Between husband and wife, there is often an embarrassing thing: one party wants to have a relationship, but the other party has no such will at all. This also makes many couples often unhappy because of this.
"A loveless and sexless marriage is definitely not strong". In fact, everyone understands this truth, but helpless: a person's life and emotions often affect a person's behavior: the child is awake, the boss is calling, unhappy, and wants to cook for the child... And other problems, all directly affect the couple's life of two people. In fact, it's understandable!
Some women often do not express their inner thoughts directly, but use a sentence: "Can you not touch me?" Can there be something else in your head? I think about these messes every day." What's more, he will add a sentence: "I was simply blind to see you..."
There is nothing wrong with a person having emotions, and there is nothing wrong with a person being bound by life. But when you encounter a problem, you don't think about solving the problem, you don't want to talk about the problem and find a solution. That's "big mistake"!
One of the key points of our marriage is that we can support each other.
If you ignore the meaning of "support" and think about everything yourself, handle it yourself, and solve it yourself, then what is the use of marriage?
It is not excluded that men will feel emotional because of your words themselves, but many times, the real anger of men is actually your independent and strong appearance, which will make him feel that he has no sense of existence and value, and will also make him blame and feel guilty because he can't help you.
When all the emotions pile up day and night, they will explode: either on you or on someone else's body. This is the inevitable law of the development of things!
But anyone who knows a little bit of easy-to-learn or traditional literature knows the truth of "yin and yang and balance", that is, "more on one side, the less on the other; more emotions, less moderation". Even if you don't understand traditional Chinese studies, the "law of conservation of energy" of modern science shows that energy will always be transformed in different ways, that is, "more emotions will be transformed into other energy explosions."
For example: accusing you, verbally abusing, or even beating you. Or, "aggressive" behavior towards others, etc. In any case, it is not conducive to the sustainable development of the family!
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="25" > second, about "life trivia"</h1>
As the old saying goes, "Every family has a difficult scripture", and this is exactly what happened! Whose home is not a chicken feather?
Many women tend to immerse themselves in the surface of things, live in the plot arranged by others, and fantasize that their lives can be like the plots arranged by others: happy and romantic, warm and comfortable. Simply "stupid"!
Everyone has the power to fantasize, and there are options for pretending to be crazy and stupid. If such behavior is "inward-looking", that is, "only demanding of oneself, and not demanding of others by one's own standards", then it is harmless. But this is often not the case!
Some women live in other people's plots, even if they have to arrange their husbands' lives from the perspective of the plot. How can a living person develop himself according to a fictional plot? It's harder than ascending to heaven!
In a fictional plot, the actor only needs to act well.
In real life, everyone is a multi-tasker: the elderly, lovers, children; bosses, customers, subordinates... But all individuals, dealing with all kinds of relationships at the same time, have exhausted their physical and mental strength. If you want to live a benchmark according to the plot, it is simply "fatal"!
So the woman has an opinion again: how come you are nothing every day? Can't you just make more money? Can't you just be a little bit useful? You look at others and then look at you, it's "rubbish"!
In fact, the above words basically have logical errors:
1. How much do you earn to make more money? How much is that much?
But where there is no quantitative standard, there is no possibility of implementation, which is the basic "sanity" that an adult should have! In other words: only mentally immature people will only care about concepts and not discuss outcomes.
2, a little use is how useful? What makes it useful? After doing the specified thing, is there a new designated thing? So, when is it really useful?
If the quantification criterion is an endless process, it is impossible to accomplish. Human beings have lived for tens or millions of years since ancient times, and have not studied the boundaries of the universe, can we say that scientists are useless? The answer is clearly no. Therefore, usefulness should be based on "whether you can accomplish something with quantitative criteria or not", rather than opening your mouth, endless!
3. See what others think? What to see?
My hair is thicker than his, and you say that my nose is shorter than his; I have a whiter complexion than him, and you want to say that he is taller than me; I earn more than him, and you want to say that his family is happy; when my family is happy, you say that he earns more than me. Does this make sense? Putting aside the advantages, and blindly comparing the advantages of the other party with our shortcomings, this is "playing hooligans", which is the behavior of "unreasonable trouble"!
In fact, people this thing, get close to see no one is eye-catching!
Many women see their husband's flaws because she is closer to them than other men. When they look at it from a distance, the husband is also charming. Believe it or not, that's the truth! Many things, often the most beautiful when viewed from a distance, close to see, either the pores are thick or the mouth is crooked, this is the truth of the facts!
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="27" >3</h1>
There is a saying in psychology that when you start to "think" about something, you will eventually develop into the direction of your mind. This is the role of the "unconscious", but also the "power of suggestion" (the suggestive effect)!
In life, there are often people who "mention breakups and divorces" without a word, to a certain extent, such language can play a threatening role, and then stimulate each other's self-motivation. But in terms of outcome: a breakup is inevitable, and divorce is inevitable.
Unless you have never thought about a real divorce from the beginning, the other party has never listened to what you say, and you support each other and warm each other in life, and the time of warmth and support accounts for a large proportion of life, and words like "hint" will not have practical effects.
In other words: when you say something similar to a hint, it will take a lot of time and effort to make up for the psychology and emotions of both parties.
In many divorce counseling cases, the analysis to the end is all because the other party said at the beginning: "If you don't want to live, roll from this home."
Because of gambling, but also because they misunderstood each other's ideas, some people simply slammed the door and left. Over time, such behavior became inertia, and finally the two ushered in the end of divorce.
It is undeniable that some people do want to divorce in their hearts, but whether they are separated or not, such a sentence: "if you don't want to live, you will get out, if you don't want to get divorced, if you don't want to live, you can only let the other party "go downhill". Having fulfilled each other's wishes, there is no possibility of remedy for each other.
In the process of getting along with husband and wife, if it is extreme, try not to say it. There are thousands of Chinese characters, and we can completely change them to an elegant expression. For example: if you want to live well, if there is any problem we put on the table to talk about, there is always a solution; or, I also understand that your difficulty, to live well, let's talk about the problem, together to find a solution.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="29" >4</h1>
Similar to the problems that occur in "intimate behavior" and "gender relations", there is also an extreme sentence in family relationships: "You are the same as your parents".
But every child knows "hitting people without punching people in the face", let alone an adult who has experienced wind and frost?
The person who brings the other parent with him in a conflict is either mentally incomplete or an orphan from an early age: he has no parents to raise, so he does not understand the weight of parents in a child's heart.
For any child, parents are equivalent to their own "faces". No matter what kind of contradictions the other party has with their parents, their blood relations will not change, and they will certainly occasionally remember the tenderness of their parents in the future and burst into tears.
If at this time, he is reminded of the fact that you once spoke harshly to his parents and belittled them, or that you are belittling his parents. Then this vendetta is basically concluded, whether the other party says it or not!
You can say that he is naïve and has formed a vendetta against you because of his parents' problems; but if you compare your heart to your heart, won't you also have a vendetta against him because of his parents' problems? People can't always "only allow the governors to set fires, and not allow the people to light lamps", right? This is all 2021, such an extremely selfish idea, can only be "self-destructive"!
Everyone has parents and there are times when emotions are out of control, but as adults, we must first learn to "avoid risks", that is, "do not let the contradictions that could be easily handled become complicated". In other words: hit someone in the face, scold people not to bring each other's parents.
The above is the "hurtful and profound" words summed up according to the "four aspects".
The fact that there is peace and quiet now does not mean that there will be no peace forever. Don't dwell on the surface after all!
Freezing three feet is not a cold day, if you don't want to make the relationship between the two sides have no room for relaxation in the future, don't say these words in the process of daily getting along. Another particularly big problem with people is "love to turn over old accounts", and once the above hurtful words are spoken, they give each other the capital and materials to turn over old accounts!
Angry or anxious, this is the common sentiment of people, it can be understood! But don't be speechless, this is not the way intimate relationships should be. May you understand! Finally, good luck!