Presumably you have read the book "The Aphasia", and you must have heard the story about the "ghost boy", but if this thing really happened to you, feeling that you were alive, but you couldn't say or do it, what would it be like?
Martin Pistorius, a figure who has been bedridden for 14 years, tells the story of that nightmare time with his own real experience.
Martin was born in 1975 to an ordinary family in Johannesburg, South Africa, to parents, brothers, sisters and himself. It was supposed to be a happy family of five, but it all came to an abrupt end when he was 12 years old.
In fact, to this day, Martin can't tell the specific story of what kind of problems he encountered. At that time, as usual, he went to school, after school, and came home, but he felt a sore throat that day.
The family thought it was just ordinary throat inflammation, so it did not attract special attention. Soon, Martin became sleepy and couldn't speak neatly.
Eventually, Martin was taken to the hospital, and after a series of examinations, the doctors found nothing particular and concluded that the brain was infected.
In fact, at this time, Martin had begun to deteriorate intellectually, constantly forgot things, and slowly did not even know his family. My father was helpless about this, and even consulted some experts in the United States and Britain, but there was no way.
"When are we going home?" It was Martin's last words to his parents when he was 12 years old, and since then he has lived a 14-year life of silence.
Slowly, Martin became a child with only 3 months of infant-like ability to live, unable to even take care of himself. The eyes are demented, the limbs are emaciated, like a leaf fluttering in the wind.
In the face of their son's sudden illness, the parents were unable to bear it for a while. After a year of careful care for Martin, the mother found that the child could no longer change back to the lively and cheerful appearance of the past, and she almost broke down.
So, in a moment when there was no one in the family, the mother chose to take a large number of sleeping pills and wanted to commit suicide. However, before she died, she decided to let her husband and children know that she loved them, so she called them.
Soon, Martin's father took his mother to the hospital. The mother who was not dying was diagnosed with major depression, and she was losing her bearing on her son's problems.
After returning from the hospital, the mother began to think about sending Martin to a nursing home, because in Martin's state, there was no difference between having a professional nurse to take care of her and staying at home.
But the father didn't want to, he couldn't bear to send his son to a cold nursing home. For this reason, there have been quarrels between parents again and again.
Such a life is 4 years, in this process, no one pays attention to Martin's changes, only he himself knows, at the age of 16, he suddenly became conscious again, can understand the fact of living: his father is off work, there are people in the family, it is time to eat...
These consciousnesses were known only to Martin himself, and his appearance remained motionless and unable to speak. This reminds us of the "ghost press", I believe that anyone who has had this experience can understand, it is a process of understanding everything, but it is impossible to move, can not make a sound.
Martin is like this, as if the soul is imprisoned, he can understand everything in the outside world, but the outside world does not know anything about him, because his appearance is like a "ghost", completely unable to influence anyone, including himself.
One day, my mother quarreled with my father again over sending Martin to a nursing home, and after the argument, my father slammed the door. The mother looked at Martin with tears in her eyes: "You must die." ”
But the poor mother didn't know, and martin knew what she said and did. She simply affirmed her thoughts again: "You have to die." ”
At that moment, Martin's heart ached. In fact, he is very aware of how many difficulties his current situation has brought to the family and for his parents. There were many times when he wanted to give up on himself.
However, he was just a "ghost" with thoughts but no power, and he even had problems swallowing food, let alone how to commit suicide.
Eventually, the father compromised under the mother's quarrel, and Martin was sent to a specialized nursing center. But he did not expect that he would usher in the most painful decade of his life here.
Because at the nursing center, the female nurse who took care of Martin beat and scolded him and sexually abused him with the most vulgar means. Martin was 19 years old at the time, he knew everything that was going on outside, he felt ashamed, but there was nothing he could do.
"Eat, you monster, hurry up, garbage...", Martin was forced to swallow spoon after spoonful of hot food again and again under the insults and insults of the nurse.
Sometimes, the nurse would push him into the sun, then slap him, and even use the most shameless means to give him an enema. Martin felt all this numbly, felt his own disrespected life, but in fact he knew everything.
Until the treatment center came a masseuse named Veena, who was very young and very knowledgeable about essential oil massage. Most importantly, in her eyes, Martin was a normal life.
So, every time Veena massaged Martin, she would try to chat with Martin, and at this time, Martin' eyes, which were completely unable to respond, began to fill with happiness.
As a result, Veena concluded that Martin could understand the sounds outside, and she reflected the problem to Martin's parents. With a try-and-see attitude, they took Martin to the test, and of course, Martin passed the test.
It was the process of "resurrection", Martin began to rehabilitate, slowly, he had an expression, slowly, he had a response, slowly, he could communicate with the outside world through the instrument that turned into speech through keyboard input...
Martin's soul was "imprisoned" for 14 years, and he finally "lived" again, and finally began to study and live again. What he didn't expect most was that when he was able to return to life, he also ushered in love.
The woman was none other than her sister's colleague, Joanna. They knew each other and fell in love, and finally entered the palace of marriage: "Today I will no longer think about the past, I should forget the past, I just want the future, she is coming, she is coming towards me." 」 ”
After re-studying, Martin became not only a web designer, but also a speaker, and published his autobiography Ghost Boy (domestically translated as "Aphasia").
"I want you all to pause and really think about a world without sound, without any other way of communicating." This is what Martin wrote in the book, because he wanted to make people feel how cruel and miserable his helplessness was.
But Martin deeply understands that in his life, love is the most important existence: today, my heart is stronger and happier than ever, I have become a husband, father, son, friend, entrepreneur, and an honorary graduate of a first-class university...