Xiao Zhang is an executive of a company, and he is an authentic gold collar. Usually, everyone thinks he is very beautiful and envious. But privately, Xiao Zhang is an extremely depressed person, always feeling unhappy. So he consulted a psychiatrist. Xiao Zhang said: "I am not happy when I have no job, because I want to have a job; after having a job, I am still unhappy because I want to get the trust of the manager and be promoted." However, after I got this, I still couldn't be happy because I wanted to gain the trust of the chairman and get promoted. But after I got it, I was still unhappy because I suspected that the chairman was just using me. ”
In fact, Xiao Zhang's problem is very representative, and many excellent people also have such problems. In the eyes of others, they are highly paid, but they are really unhappy. Xiao Zhang is a very self-motivated person with high requirements for himself, but he is always not satisfied with the status quo and always hopes that his life and work will get better and better. After he reaches a goal, he will find a higher goal and work hard for it until he reaches the goal.
He never affirmed his grades, which became the reason for his unhappiness. In fact, Xiao Zhang is already very good, he found a job, got the trust of his boss and was promoted. You know, this is something that many people dream of. Whenever we make progress or gain something, we should dominate our mental activities like this: I have a job, I have a promotion, and this is a very happy thing. In this way, your mood can be cheerful. In addition, talking and walking around with family and friends is also a way to make people happy.
Of course, the above is a bit simple. Nowadays, people are under increasing psychological pressure and there are more and more reasons for unhappiness. In fact, happy things are everywhere in life, but we only stare at those unsatisfactory things, so we are controlled by pessimism and lose the ability to be happy.
Mr. Qian Zhongshu said: "Happiness in life is like a sugar cube that lures children to take medicine, and it is more like an electric rabbit in a dog farm that lures dogs to race." A few minutes or a few days of happiness earn us a lifetime, enduring a lot of pain. We want it to come, we want it to stay, we want it to come again. ”
Yes, we want happiness to come and go, to endure pain just to get the desired happiness. But expectations are often unreliable, can we find out the psychological secret of happiness and let happiness always accompany us? Psychological researchers in britain have discovered the secret of human happiness. They surveyed more than a thousand people's views on four happiness problems, and then came up with a "happiness equation."
The "happy equation" is that happiness = P + (5×E) + (3×H). P stands for "personal characteristics" (referring to people's attitudes, adaptability and resilience to life); E stands for "state of being" (including health, economic stability and friendship); H stands for "high-level needs" (such as self-esteem, expectations, ambitions, and sense of humor).
The "Happy Equation" asks four questions for respondents to rate their happiness. Scoring criteria: 1-10 points, 1 point means "not at all", 10 points means "very consistent".
First question: Are you friendly to people? Are you energetic? Do you have flexibility? Are you receptive to changes in the outside world?
Second question: Do you have a positive attitude towards life? Can you rise quickly from setbacks? Do you feel like you're in charge of your own life?
Third question: Are your basic life needs met? For example, personal health, financial ability, security, freedom of choice, and a sense of belonging.
Fourth question: Can you mobilize the people around you to support you? Can you devote yourself to doing one thing? Can you get what you want and act on a plan for your goals?
After answering, the score is calculated: the score of the first and second questions is added together, which is the score of "personal characteristics"; the score of the third question represents the "state of being"; and the score of the fourth question represents the "high-level need". Finally, by substituting three scores into the happiness equation, you get a happy score (out of 100). The higher the score, the happier you are now.
In psychological surveys, the researchers found that people seem to focus too much on what they miss, lose, and don't get, and ignore what they really want and have—enjoy life. This is also the meaning indicated by the "E" representing life, indicating that enjoying life is precisely what makes us happiest. Therefore, we should maintain a positive mindset, find happiness from life, and write psychological equations that make us happy.
People pay too much attention to what they miss, what they lose, and what they don't get, but they often ignore what they really want and have now, and fail to fully enjoy the life of the moment.
What is happiness? Are you happy? I'm afraid most people have a hard time saying it clearly. Purely psychologically, many people think that having "true love," "wealth," or "a promising job" makes them happy. However, is this really the case?
"No matter what industry you're in, wherever you are in society, everyone is not very happy. I haven't felt what it's like to be abroad, but I can feel the people around me, they're not very happy... We may all be born without feeling that the day is truly free, carefree, do not have to think about anything, and live truly. You only need to observe everyone and you will find that whether it is politics, business, intellectuals, peasants, workers, or people in the entertainment industry, every day they are hard-dressed up and tell others: I am very happy! In fact, he himself is not happy... I was under a lot of pressure in every way. ”
This is what Zhao Benshan said in an interview with the media, admitting that he was very unhappy. As a public figure who has achieved fame, Zhao Benshan's words may have made many people feel a little balanced: it turns out that big people are not happy!