Some time ago I saw a remodeling program on the Internet, the original intention of the program is to help those who are out of touch with society to easily integrate into society.
In one episode, the remodeled person was a doctoral student living independently, and when the renovator entered her home, he saw that the decoration style inside was very minimal, and said: This is not like a girl's home. Then, seeing that the doctoral student's room was empty, he concluded that she "did not understand life", and finally saw that the doctoral student's clothes were monotonous and felt that the other party was "not feminine".
For this reason, many viewers feel that this show is full of stereotypes about women, too inferior.
Moreover, not only the audience feels down, but even the reformed people in the show show stubbornness and resistance to these assumptions.
Why do people subconsciously resist prejudice?
The book "Stereotypes" gives a reasonable explanation, saying: Stereotypes will make us activate the sense of self-protection, and the resources of thought and energy are scattered, and there is no time to take care of what we really need to do, thus affecting the exertion of our strength.
The author of the book is Claude M. M. Steele. He was a professor at the University of Michigan, a professor at Stanford University, and a provost at Columbia University.
He is also a member of the American Educational Association, the National Scientific Society, the American Philosophical Society, and the Social Science Research Committee.
Being stereotyped is a painful thing, but we are often trapped in this predicament, attacked by various negative labels, and unconsciously label others.
We can't weed prejudice, but science can broaden our experience and reduce the impact of prejudice on us.
First, enhance the sense of security
Recently watched the variety show "Mao Xuewang", found that the guest Mao Buyi was actually a male nurse before, and was surprised, because I had seen an article called "The Inner Monologue of a Male Nurse" before, and the male nurse in it did not have Mao Buyi's confidence and calmness.
The male protagonist of this article was a cheerful, handsome boy before becoming a nurse, but his nightmares began from college.
In college, he was the only male student in a department of nursing, and his classmates called him "Dumiao".
After work, because there is no men's locker room in the department, I can only change my overalls in the toilet many times...
All kinds of strange eyes made him become introverted, inferior, and even began to hate the identity given to him by this profession, hating his mother who applied for this major for him during the college entrance examination.
Later, he met another male nurse in the operating room, and after the two talked, he was transferred to the operating room. The operating room is an enclosed space, reducing his contact with the outside world, reducing the occurrence of identity risks, and the doctors in the operating room need young and strong assistants. Plus the company of a companion. In this environment, he quickly adapted and his ability was recognized.
It is not difficult to see that the identity of this male nurse makes him show alarm, nervousness, and anxiety about the environment. As a result, you lose your sense of security about your surroundings and can't focus on work and study. After the environment changed, he found a sense of security again.
Stereotypes say that if you want to improve your studies and work, you must build trust in your surroundings. The authors give two approaches.
1. Find a suitable environment for your identity.
2. Find people who identify with or are in the same situation as themselves.
American psychological counselor Fairman believes that when you feel a need, express it and be satisfied, you will have trust in your surroundings. When this virtuous cycle continues, you feel safe. That's how a sense of security is built.
Everyone has a different identity in this world, and we may be threatened by identity risk anytime, anywhere. So we have to learn how to create a sense of security for ourselves and let our abilities play to the fullest. In this way, we can be at ease in life.
Second, change your mindset
Fan Deng once told a story: Garfield High School is a public school in the United States, a high school of predominantly Mexican descent. Because the advantages and disadvantages of American high schools are relatively large, many parents will not choose this high school for their children, and the teaching enthusiasm of teachers has gradually weakened.
Later, a teacher named Jamie Escalante came and learned about the school and asked himself, "How should I teach them?" How can they learn well? And summed up a set of teaching methods to "deal" with those naughty students.
Kung Fu pays off. In the end, not only did he teach his students calculus, but his students' grades were far ahead of the national math test. The teacher's deeds have touched countless people. Later, it was made into the movie "Being a Teacher".
Jamie Escalante was not intimidated when he arrived at Garfield High School, he had a growth mindset, and he believed he could change the future of the school and his students.
In real life, there are some people who believe that their abilities, intelligence, etc. can never be changed. This mindset can easily lead them to blame their own successes and failures on "destiny," so they are used to avoiding and are unwilling to put in the effort to change.
Psychologists call this a fixed mindset.
The opposite is a growth mindset. A growth mindset will make you believe that personal traits can be changed, that you will value learning and growth, that you will be good at seizing opportunities, and that you will not run away from challenges and hardships. Jamie Escalante is like that, he's not afraid of challenges, and he sees every challenge as an opportunity for him to grow. That's what makes him stand out.
The author said in the article: If you are subject to stereotypical risks, avoidance can not solve the problem, it is better to choose a growth mindset to face, build a "learning-oriented" mentality, and learn to discuss sensitive topics with people who hold different views. Only in this way can the situation be improved.
Therefore, we must learn to use a growth mindset to face difficulties.
Physicist Gilbert once said: "The idea you think when you lose will determine how long you need to regroup and then win."
After all, the world is not static, and life will not be smooth. When you encounter difficulties, don't run away and face them bravely.
When you look back at yourself, you will find that you are becoming more mature.
Third, maintain self-affirmation
A recent social survey showed that 60% of women experience hurt and self-denial every week.
Women are born with a sensitive physique, coupled with various negative labels for women in society, so that modern women shoulder more and more pressure, while the sense of existence is getting weaker and weaker.
Why is that?
Because women who endure all kinds of negative stereotypes can easily fall into self-denial without a firm sense of self.
And with that comes the impact of stereotypes on our work and lives.
We need to avoid falling into self-denial. Maintain a state of self-affirmation.
What is self-affirmation?
"Stereotypes" says that the process of a person's self-"turning" is called "self-affirmation".
That is, we mediate with our own hearts again and again to achieve a state of recognition, affirmation and liking for ourselves.
Once saw a comic strip short about an owl and his shadow. His shadow has been belittling him, he has fallen deeper and deeper, he has been immersed in self-deprecation and cannot extricate himself, he hates himself, he hates himself. It wasn't until a white bald eagle appeared and guided him to speak of his pain that he came out of it.
He said aloud to Shadow, "I don't want you to keep belittling me, I need you to support me." After the owl spoke his mind, the shadow began to show weakness, and the owl gradually became confident.
Remember the sentence at the end of the film: "Acknowledging vulnerability is showing strength." ”
Everyone has a shadow that pops up when you make a mistake, get denied, or suffer from stereotypes, interfering with your emotions and your life. All we need at this time is to find someone we trust to pull you out of the abyss. No one is perfect, we all have shortcomings. Although we can't avoid the evaluation of others, we must be firm in our hearts that we are valuable.
When someone judges you, your dress style, hairstyle, education, weight, and even your family. You need to be clear about the fact that you are at risk to your identity, and it makes you doubt your perceptions.
What we can do is to be firm and affirm our inner selves every time we are challenged by this. Don't get carried by stereotypes.
At last
Book by Claude M. Steele said: Stereotype risk is a kind of penetration of people's daily lives by a country's thick history. Stereotypes of specific social groups are a legacy left by history, and we often use it to adapt to the individuals in the context of the situation to make corresponding judgments.
That is to say, in the process of social development, we have maintained some inherent views of certain groups, and once some people deviate from this inherent view, it is possible to attract negative evaluations.
In life, we can't avoid judging others or being evaluated by others, but we must ultimately decide what kind of person we become.
I hope you can have yourself, maintain a good attitude, and let yourself have a full sense of security to meet the future life.