Alain De Botton: How does the lack of love affect us? Reading Lessons2022-01-2616:03Click above ↑↑↑ Blue Word Free Subscription How does the lack of love affect us? for

Alain De Botton: How does the lack of love affect us?

Reading Lesson 2022-01-26 16:03

Click on the word ↑↑↑ blue above to subscribe for free

How does the lack of love affect us? Why is it that being ignored can make us so "angry", "desperate", and even the cruelest corporal punishment can be a relief for us?

The main reason why other people's attention to us is so important is that there is an innate uncertainty in human judgments about our own value— and our knowledge of ourselves depends heavily on what others think of us. Our sense of self and self-identity is completely subject to what those around us say about us.

If we tell jokes that make them laugh, we are confident in our ability to laugh; if we are praised by others, we begin to pay attention to our own strengths. Conversely, if we enter a room and people don't even bother to glance at us, or when we tell them about our profession, and they immediately show impatience, we are likely to become suspicious of ourselves and feel that we are worthless.

Of course, in an ideal world, we might be stronger. We will stick to our own bottom line, regardless of whether others care about us or not, and we will not care about other people's zang or no. There may be people who flatter us, but we are not complacent about it; in the same way, as long as we have a clear understanding of ourselves and where our value lies, the unfair treatment of others will not hurt us, because we are aware of our own status and circumstances.

Image

However, our perception of our own characteristics and qualities is always erratic in some contradictory evaluations. One moment we feel clever, humorous, and full of words, and the next we feel stupid, uninteresting, worthless, and in this vacillating situation, our judgment of our own value is completely subject to the attitude of society — if we are praised, we will feel good: on the contrary, we will not want to die. It is as if we owe a debt to the emotions of others.

Our "self" or self-perception can be used as an analogy to a leaking balloon— at any time, we need the love of others (in the case of balloons, a steady stream of hydrogen) to fill our hearts, rather than withstanding even a needle-tip-point stab. Our emotions become incomprehensible, one moment happy with the praise of others, the other sad with the indifference of others. An absent-minded greeting from a colleague, a few unanswered phone calls can make us sullen; and if someone remembers our name or sends us a fruit basket, we will feel that life is full of sunshine, how comfortable life is!

It's no surprise that, both emotionally and materially, we are usually anxious about our status. Our status determines how much love we may win from the world, and the world's love for us is the key to whether we value or despise ourselves. Status is vital to us all, and it is the golden key to unlocking the richness of love: without the love of others, human beings will lose self-confidence; without the love of others, we will have difficulty doing things according to our own nature.