1, the old watch said to me today: "Yesterday on the Internet and others got up, the person was extremely arrogant, the cow coaxed me to report the address, said to come to cut me, when did I instigate?" Without saying a word, I sent the address over. I looked surprised: "Okay, when did you become so bullish?" Are you not afraid that he really comes? Old watch: "It's okay, you've been careful lately, I sent your home address!" "I...
2, complaining that the winter is too cold, the girlfriend mysteriously told me that she kept a summer warmth for me. Sweetly watching her pull open my bedside table, take out a small cardboard box inside, open the carton and take out the plastic eggs inside, cut open the eggs and take out a lump of napkins, and then spread out... There's a dead mosquito inside!
3. I have a double master's degree and am meticulous. Not long ago, he went to the world's top 500 companies for an interview, the competition was extremely fierce, and the result was eliminated. Before leaving after the interview, I picked up the scraps of paper on the floor. This scene happened to be seen by the CEO. The next day, I got my acceptance letter and became a regular cleaner for the company, earning nearly $2,500 a month! Tax! So experience tells me: fine! section! decide! decide! Yes! fail!
4, when I was in college, I liked a girl for four years, when taking graduation photos, I decided to confess to her, wrote a note in my pants pocket, saw her taking pictures with her roommate, I passed by her, and raced the note into her hand. After returning to the dormitory, I was always uneasy, and then I nervously pulled out my pocket, only to find that the note was still there, I looked for it, that is, my hundred pieces were missing!
5, the unit to prepare for the establishment of a reserve oil depot giggling leader to find me: Xiao Jiu, I heard that your oil depot design management is very good! Go ahead and help! As a result, the design institute was laid down, cleaned up the hygiene, sent the drawings, and worked miscellaneously for a year. The oil depot was finally built, and the leader looked for me again: Xiao Jiu, there is still a shortage of professionals I don't want to do miscellaneous work, busy shaking my head: leadership, oil, there are more professional people than me! The leader shook his head: Hey! Well, you don't want to go, I'll find someone else! Just notified down, Xiao Zhou was the director of the reserve oil depot
6, the chairman went to Starbucks for coffee and found a goddess-level girl! I was thrilled, but I didn't dare to confess. After drying the coffee in the cup, he had the courage to hand the girl a small note. The girl opened the note and looked at it, which said: "I like you, if you have feelings for me, nod, don't like it, do a backflip!" At this time, the sister slowly walked to him, slapped the table with her hand and did three backflips in a row.......
7, the bus stopped at a certain station, a pregnant woman with a slightly bulging stomach, carefully got on the car, a 40-year-old uncle, hurriedly got up to give her a seat, the pregnant woman did not say a word, took out a tissue from her pocket, calmly wiped up the chair! Only to see the uncle, the face is unusually ugly, the face is red, gritting his teeth, suddenly rushing to the pregnant woman came a sentence: you sit at ease, I have been tied, will not let you conceive for the second time!!
8, and the unit colleagues went out to eat barbecue, drinking is having fun, came over three girls, dressed very cool, very good figure, two girls holding a billboard in their hands, a sister holding a red cardboard box, said a few words to us, I patronized to see the sister, did not listen carefully to what she said, just look at the sister to give me the box in her hand, I thought, this should be a dedication of love, just rush this sister long water spirit, I took out five dollars from my pocket, dashingly thrown into the box, at this time my colleague told me, Old Liu, people let you draw lottery, how did you throw money into it... I covered my face and took the money out again
9, looking at the reading software on the mobile phone today, not only lamenting the development of the times. I think that while society is progressing, people have also lost a lot of things, take this reading software for example! Before reading paper books, looking back at the content I had read, I could roughly remember where I was at that time, what mood, and even what light. Today's e-books just remember the thumb pulling!
10, after getting up this morning, I quarreled with my wife, and my wife actually had a cold war with me, and did not pay attention to me at noon. It was almost 12 o'clock in the afternoon, I was so hungry that I saw that my wife was not cooking, so I wrote a note: I am hungry! I asked the dog to show my wife. After waiting for a while and seeing no movement, I quietly went to the living room to have a look. Seeing the wife take a ham sausage while feeding the puppy, she said: I know you are hungry, eat more.
11, the exam does not allow me to turn in the paper in advance, when I take the math test, I finished half an hour in advance, there was nothing to do, I wrote a note idiot with scratch paper, and it took so much effort to open it to think it was the answer? Then wrapped up layer by layer with paper, the specific amount of forgotten, the invigilator saw, came to see that I had finished writing, thought I passed it to others, together with the volume, opened it layer by layer on the podium, and finally I could never forget his look.
12, the husband came home from work to see his wife leave a note, girlfriend plus night shift her husband can not cook, I went to help him, I believe that a meal not for you to do you can survive. When the wife came back in the middle of the night, she also saw a note, the colleague was on a business trip, his wife did not dare to sleep alone, I went to accompany her, I believe that you can survive without accompanying you one night.
13, the first two days fell injured, has been wearing long sleeves, there is a lump in the arm did not disappear. Just went to the pharmacy to get some medicine, I don't know how to describe, go in I am ready to start undressing, let the pharmacy sister paper to help see what medicine is good... I really don't want to do anything! Sister, don't be nervous, don't bark, you can look at it, I really just came to buy medicine...
14. Riot Year: Baby, do you know? After the brick family's research, it was shown that female orangutans exchanged sex for food. Sister Paper: With whom? Sao Nian: Of course with male orangutans! Who else could you talk to? Sister Paper: Oh, I thought it was with the breeder!
15, the world's first coupon was invented by the Coca-Cola Company. In 1895, after AsaCandler acquired the Coca-Cola Company, in order to promote this product, it published and distributed a coupon for a free bottle of Coke in the newspaper, and since then Coca-Cola has been on fire, and the form of coupons has become popular ever since.