1, today in the bar to meet a beautiful woman, I used to talk: "Beauty, can I use a million bags to support you for a year?" Beauty: "Yes!" After we went to KFC, I pulled out my wallet: "This is a hundred pieces, I only need this one hour, the rest will be said later!"
2, today I met my father at the door, and he kept staring at me. Dad: Did you learn to smoke? Me: No, how could it be? Dad: So what's going on with the smoke in your mouth? Me: This is the heat I exhale, haven't you seen it? Dad: Thirty degrees today, you can still exhale hot air?
3, today on the way to work, friends suddenly shouted, I will study the lottery in the future! The landlord is puzzled, and the friend answers: Even if you earn tens of thousands of dollars a month, you can save up to 100,000 a year, and it takes fifty years to save enough for five million ~ This is still based on your monthly salary of ten thousand, saving money. In this way, the probability of buying a lottery ticket of five million is much higher than the probability of earning five million by working for one's own work!!! Uh, thought about it, good sense of the rush.
4. Walking on campus today, A girl suddenly came to me and asked me: Would you like to be my boyfriend? Brother was stunned, he had never seen this woman, and brother thought that he was not handsome enough to make people so direct. At this time, the girl asked impatiently: Do you want to do it or not? Considering the girl's self-esteem, the brother solemnly replied: I do. At this time, the girl picked up the phone and shouted: "Hear me?" The old lady is not that no one wants it.
5, this morning at 5 o'clock, the mother will start the window to clean. Especially my brother's room, the cleaning floor is not stained, and the window sheets are replaced. Me: Mom, my brother didn't come back, why did you make his window so neat? Mom: Your brother is going to bring his girlfriend back at noon, and I can't clean up. Me: Then I'll clean up my room too. Mom said contemptuously: You have no object, no one looks at you!
6, this morning my wife suddenly asked me to go to morning exercise and run together. I said, "You never thought of it before, how come you remember it today?" She said, "If you don't go, forget it, and sleep a little longer, when I faintly heard laughter under the bed." ”
7, after eating tonight and the whole family is lying on the sofa watching TV, one by one seems to deliberately ignore the dishes on the table. The wife first couldn't bear to break the silence, and suddenly suggested: Otherwise, each person sings a song, let the karaoke score, who sings the lowest score, who shabu washes the dishes. What do you think? My son and I were very happy to hear this, and I thought it was a good way to agree. After three songs, my son got the highest score, my wife got the lowest score, and I got a middle. I was secretly secretly happy, my wife suddenly smiled and said: I announce, remove a highest score, remove a minimum score, this time washing dishes is your father!
8, tonight the village chief was drunk, he ran to the village radio station, cried into the microphone for an hour, said that his daughter-in-law was not out of work, but ran away with others, and now where he went, even he did not know... The broadcast was listened to by all the staff, and the people in the village unanimously agreed that such broadcasts should be carried out frequently in the future.
9, the golden retriever is the second forced dog, the family into the thief, in my home to turn things, a golden retriever weighing more than 50 pounds sat on the side to watch, the two forced dogs also shook hands with the thief once. I seriously suspect that this goods was a gang of thieves, recorded by the home camera!
10, often travel, the company gave me a driver, once went to a far place, I saw the driver came all day tired, I let him rest for a while I came to drive, I just drove for ten minutes, this big brother jumped up from the co-pilot, a slap on my face, shouted, my steering wheel is gone, you don't sleep quickly to find me ... I looked at the steering wheel in my hand a little confused.
11, the classic girl confessed jokes, the girl finally plucked up enough courage to confess to the boy, shyly asked the boy: "Do you like me?" The boy said, "I don't like it." The girl was heartbroken and turned to go. Then the boy stopped the girl and said to her, "Fool, you haven't asked me if I love you." The girl burst into tears and laughed: "Then do you love me?" "Don't love."
12, just now, I met the ugliest person in my life, we looked at each other, with pitiful eyes, but we were reluctant to leave each other's sight and silently stare at each other. It was like this for about ten minutes, and finally a little tired, I slowly took the mirror down...
13, the uncle's little cousin is still in kindergarten... On the weekend, I went to my uncle's house to rub rice, and my uncle went out to work, and asked me to help teach my little cousin math at home. The little cousin's addition and subtraction always doesn't count, I think it's simple, and then I took five small cookies from my cousin's snack bag, ate three of them, and asked: "There used to be five cookies here, and now I eat three, how many are left?" The little cousin replied excitedly, "Two pieces!" Okay, let's learn ten minus seven..."
14, driving a girl to go for a ride, when passing a trail, she lay down in my ear and said: "There is no one here, do you want to come to some excitement?" "Come on," I gave her a blank look, "don't think I'll let you drive without traffic police here." ”
15, seeing the little nephew's college entrance examination results, I can't help but think of my high school life. At that time, I had always been a well-known bully in my class, and everyone thought that I could successfully enter Tsinghua University. Who knew that all this was shattered on the day of the college entrance examination, and looking at my college entrance examination results, I cried into tears. Suddenly a scum hugged me, and wow also cried: "Woohoo! I was not admitted to Tsinghua Peking University! I was in a better mood and said, "Can you please give me a little more seriousness!" Scum: "I was admitted to Stanford, that's the one who spent 5 million to get on!" ”