The Surging News reporter Yu Yan intern Hu Yuanyuan
Han Shimei (right) and Yu Xiuhua pose. Respondents provided
On November 25, 2021, the International Day to End Violence against Women, 51-year-old Han Shimei came to Beijing to stand on the podium of the UN Women commemoration event and share her past experiences. In this speech, she recalled her arranged marriage, "I hope that all those who have been treated with gender-based violence can resist violence." ”
On January 27, 2022, The Paper (www.thepaper.cn) returned to visit Han Shimei. Just past 2021, Han Shimei and her idol Yu Xiuhua had dinner, drunk wine, and went to Beijing to participate in the recording of the show... She began to think about the violence and cold violence she had experienced in her marriage for the first half of her life.
She shows the story of a peasant woman in Nanyang who is eager to break through the shackles of marriage and hope that she can unshackle the shackles. Her narration, like the verse she wrote, "I am no longer asleep, the waves hold me up," is full of strength and warmth.
In more than thirty years of married life, Han Shimei gradually walked out of the countryside and out of the family by writing poetry. The idea of divorce has been going on for more than a year, and for more than a year, she has not wanted to run away from the family all the time, but the trivialities in the family, the children's involvement with her, have pulled her back into the marriage. In the countryside where she lives, the women around her do not understand how strong Han Shimei's desire for divorce is, "They say I am a crazy woman. ”
Through Han Shimei, we may be able to see the struggle and confrontation of a rural woman in marriage. Han Shimei also said that she was a "crazy woman", 52 years old and still eager to find a husband who hurt her, loved her, and understood her.
But she is not worried about age, "After all, life is these decades, I try it, even if I fail, I do not regret it, after all, I have worked hard for my own happiness and pursued it." Han Shimei said.
"Nala" has not yet left, and her married life continues.
Han Shimei (right) and Yu Xiuhua pose.
【Dialogue】
"When you are older, you also have the right to love and be loved"
The Paper: In 2021, you went to a lot of places and also appeared on the podium of UN Women.
Han Shimei: After the speech that day, many reporters interviewed me and asked me what such a big old lady was tossing and turning, and I said that I was older. When you are older, you can't love, you can't be loved? Older people also have the right to love and be loved.
The Paper: What does this poem represent when you say in your speech, "I am no longer asleep, and the waves are holding me up?"?
Han Shimei: I think it represents a force that motivates me to stop thinking about dying, and there are so many well-meaning people who help me and encourage me, although sometimes there is only one sentence, but it is also a kind of warmth.
The Paper: Did you ever think that your story would have such a big impact?
Han Shimei: Unexpectedly, people from the county and the village came to see me and sent me a four-piece suit on the bed and various books. I had dinner with Yu Xiuhua the other day.
The Paper: What kind of person does it feel like to eat with Yu Xiuhua?
Han Shimei: Her poems and words are quite bold, I think she is naïve and straightforward, not like a girl, like a grandfather. She drank quite well, drinking half a pound at noon and half a pound at night.
She said she liked me a lot, I said she was a phoenix, I was a caterpillar. Some people also compare me with Yu Xiuhua, I say I can't compare, Teacher Yu is in heaven, I am on the ground.
The Paper: You did a lot of things this year, went to Beijing to participate in UN Women's activities, participated in programs, and had dinner with Yu Xiuhua.
Han Shimei: I still read poems to everyone on "Writing Poems for You". They asked me to try it. I can write two poems at any time. "I bless my love for eternity, and I bless the world with no more suffering." People say that it is worthy of Teacher Han, suggesting that I send it to the editor to see, the editor said it was very good, casually said that it was very good.
"I want a husband who understands me, loves me, and hurts me"
The Paper: You were interviewed in May last year saying that you wanted a divorce, saying that your husband was monitoring you in various ways, and now he still manages you?
Han Shimei: Now I don't care, I went to the United Nations to give a speech, and I also participated in activities to write poems for advertising, and after earning money, he didn't look after me like a prisoner. Don't unplug my network cable, don't turn over my phone, I'll go wherever I go.
Before I went to Beijing, I consulted with him. I had failed every time I consulted with him before, but I still wanted to discuss with him.
The Paper: Do you feel the feeling of being in love in what you call "arranged marriages"?
Han Shimei: No. I want a husband who understands me, loves me, and hurts me.
The Paper: You withdrew the divorce lawsuit last time because your daughter was going to take the college entrance examination, will you file a divorce lawsuit again in the new year?
Han Shimei: When I mention it after the Spring Festival, he will mess with me all day long. When I write, I want to be clean, not to let him disturb me, and as soon as he disturbs me, there is no inspiration.
The Paper: What do you think this marriage has brought you?
Han Shimei: My happiness in life has been wasted, worn out, life is not easy, I want to grasp the initiative of marriage and dump the old man.
The Paper: What was the most domestic violence you felt in the first half of your life?
Han Shimei: It's cold violence, worse than beating you. He doesn't do his job all day long, and he can't communicate. Emotionally, I couldn't empathize with me either, so I tried to communicate with him and quarreled as soon as I communicated.
I'm a woman, and I need a man to hurt, I need a shoulder to lean on, but I don't, I'm like a ghost, wandering around.
The Paper: You said you don't want to die anymore and want to live well.
Han Shimei: Yes, the first half of my life came over, and I look back and think about why I didn't know why I came over. I started writing poetry in July 2019, and after writing poetry, I started wanting a divorce. I have a yearning, a longing, and I don't want to live like that before. I want someone to hurt me, someone to love me, and then I also hurt him and love him.
The Paper: Do you worry about your age?
Han Shimei: I am not worried, after all, life is these decades, I try it, even if it fails, I do not regret it, after all, I have worked hard for my own happiness and pursued it.
The Paper: What is your understanding of marriage now?
Han Shimei: Today's young people may have deviated from their thinking and concepts, and they do not recognize marriage very much. My understanding of marriage is that people are together, tolerant of each other, absorbing each other's strengths, and accommodating each other's shortcomings.
Simply put, you hurt me, and I hurt you. You love me, and I love you, and I'm happy.
Am I a crazy woman? (Laughs), my current behavior in the countryside is a nervous breakdown.
The Paper: Under your observation, what do the women around you look like in marriage?
Han Shimei: Like you in the countryside, ordinary women like us, no matter how bad or unhappy we are, will not pursue what we want like I do. They carry the ancient, heavy shackles, whether she is wronged, bound, physical and spiritual torture, will not break through, suffer from the shackles and bondage of that old moral concept, in fact, it is very immoral to have a marriage without a future.
The Paper: Why is it immoral?
Han Shimei: Only when two lovers are happy can they live happily. Men and women love this kind of thing, if it is not because of love to do it, is it immoral?
The Paper: You want to be the one who untied the rope?
Han Shimei: It is to break through it, I don't care what others think or say, I want to live for myself once.
The Paper: When did you have this particularly strong impulse?
Han Shimei: It is the nature of women. A girl, grown up, longs for a true love, but I don't, I am a fish that fell into a backwater ditch, and I can't swim in the big river.
Divorce, write poetry, no more heart-wrenching pains
The Paper: You said before that you were a very unproductive woman, do you still think so?
Han Shimei: I am incompetent because I am too soft-hearted, and the divorce is still hovering at the crossroads. As soon as I mentioned divorce, he would cry. If it were a cruel woman, she would have divorced a long time ago. The woman in the village said I was too stressed to think.
The Paper: What changes do you feel have made now?
Han Shimei: There is still a little bit of change, after all, I am an ordinary peasant woman, I have also been to the United Nations, "reading poetry for you" also asked me several times, I think I can, two college students commented on Weibo that my poems were taught by their teachers in class, so I think my poems are still written.
My level of education was too low, I hadn't read much or written much, and I occasionally read "Women's Life" in the village, or borrowed it from others. I was also poor at that time, all day long is to work to pay off the account, there is no leisure to go to read and write, just want to live the family well, pay off the account, for the children to read well, a lot of words I forgot how to write, at the beginning I used pinyin instead, and then on the mobile phone to check the words, one by one to check.
If I had graduated from high school, I would have been even better than I am now.
The Paper: How far do you think you are from the state of freedom you aspire to?
Han Shimei: There is no end in sight. Maybe successfully divorced, will be much happier.
My mother said all day that there were only three liters of rice in her life, and she ran all over the world dissatisfied with the rise. My mother's marriage was also arranged, and they quarreled all day long, and they were inseparable. But after my mom died, my dad missed her all day and ended up with Alzheimer's disease.
The Paper: What are your New Year's resolutions?
Han Shimei: The biggest wish is divorce, and I also hope that my poems will be better and better, have a little happier, no longer have so many heart-wrenching pains, no longer shed tears, and show more bright smiles.
Then I plan to find a job, my girlfriend works in Ningbo, Zhejiang, if she calls me, I will go, if I don't want to go, I also have some housekeeping software on my mobile phone, you can do housekeeping, the salary is very high.
Editor-in-Charge: Cui Xuan
Proofreader: Ding Xiao