The past 2020 has been an unusual year, and many people have experienced some crashing things.
Some people lose their jobs, some people have broken down marriages, some people have health problems, some people have lost loved ones...
I've asked many people before: How do you deal with your own breakdown? Do you talk to your parents, relatives, friends?
Most people answered me: No.
Because we are adults, we have no right to be spoiled and willful, we can't cry like children, and we can only find a corner of no one in the middle of the night to secretly heal.
The collapse of adults is silent.
01
Marriage has always been considered the dividing line between children and adults.
Before Xiao Yao got married, she had always been the most beloved daughter of her parents, and she had not suffered any hardships or suffered any grievances. But because of love, she married thousands of miles away, and could only go back once or twice a year, and never had the opportunity to coddle her parents again.
When getting married, the mother took Xiao Yao's hand and said: Silly child, marrying so far, what difficulties will be encountered in the future, your mother will not be able to help you...
Xiao Yao said confidently: Rest assured Mom, I will be happy.
But reality soon snapped in the face.
In the first year of marriage, Xiao Yao gave birth to a daughter, and in the third year, she gave birth to a son. Pulling 2 children alone, she was physically and mentally exhausted. The in-laws are not in good health, rarely help her, and the husband is busy with work and has no time to help him. Every time she complained of being tired, her husband would even accuse her:
Isn't it just about having a child, how tired can it be? I work hard to earn money to support you, what is not satisfied?
At this time, Xiao Yao finally understood her mother's good intentions, but she did not dare to call to complain.
A girl who marries far away is like a child whose parents have lost, you have grievances, your parents can't see them, your parents have difficulties, and you can't help them.
In 2020, Xiao Yao is more difficult. The husband who did foreign trade work was unemployed, and the family had no income. Poor couples mourn, lack of money, husband and wife often quarrel, 2 children are also scared to cry.
Originally, Xiao Yao planned to give the child to her in-laws and find a job by herself. But the roof leaked during the overnight rain, the mother-in-law had a heart attack, and was admitted to the hospital, not only did no one help with the child, Xiao Yao's husband also had to go to the hospital to accompany her.
No way, Xiao Yao had to send her 5-year-old daughter to kindergarten, and then take her 2-year-old son to Kai Didi, although it was very bitter and tired, often busy until midnight, but finally had an income, can barely maintain normal expenses.
Every time I talk to my parents on the phone, Xiao Yao suppresses tears and announces the good news: Mom and Dad, I am very good, and you also pay attention to your body.
But Xiao Yao's lies were quickly punctured. One night at 2 o'clock, Xiao Yao heard a voice in the living room and quickly ran over to take a look. The 5-year-old daughter is holding her mother's mobile phone and sending a voice to her grandmother:
Grandma and Grandpa, come and help your mother, she now runs a rental with her brother every day, but it's hard...
Seeing this scene, Xiao Yao couldn't help but hold her daughter and cry. The collapse she had so hard to hide was shattered by the child's words.
02
2020 is particularly difficult for Li Dahe after the 80s.
It has been almost 10 years since Dahe graduated, and his classmates are all mixed up, and only he is in debt. Running a barbecue restaurant with his wife, he stayed up until two or three o'clock in the morning every day, and all the money he earned was used to pay off debts.
Once, Dahe was also a child of someone else's family, with excellent grades, graduated from college, and received a graduate school admission letter and a bank entry letter at the same time.
Hesitating, he went to work at the bank first. Because of his outstanding ability, he soon became an account manager, bought a house, and bought a car. Subsequently, he re-studied for an MBA and got a master's degree.
However, such comfort, Dahe was not satisfied. He contacts many big customers at work every day, and the luxurious life of those rich people is what he most yearns for.
Later, Dahe began to buy stocks and futures, fantasizing that he could also get rich overnight. At first, he only invested tens of thousands of dollars to test the waters, and then he made money, increased to hundreds of thousands, and finally invested more and more, rising to millions...
But high returns must have high risks, but in three or four years, Dahe not only did not get rich, but also accompanied his car and house, and owed a huge debt of 4.6 million.
After his life fell to the bottom, Dahe committed suicide twice, once taking sleeping pills and once cutting his wrists, and was saved by his family. His parents, relatives and friends couldn't bear it and came to help him pay off his debts. Dahe was guilty, but there was nothing he could do.
When the debt was halfway through, Dahe met his wife, Cui Ling. That day, Cui Ling had been busy working, and had not eaten much all day, and Dahe saw that she was pitiful, so he bought her a bread, and the two of them met like this.
Dahe tells Cui Ling that he owes a lot of debt, but Cui Ling doesn't care and likes his people. Half a year later, the two men received a marriage license.
Because there was no money, Dahe and CuiLing did not even have a decent wedding, of course, there was no bride price and dowry, cuiling often laughed at herself: she was her husband exchanged for a loaf of bread.
After getting married, Cui Ling took out all her savings, helped her husband pay off debts, saved herself money, only willing to spend dozens of dollars to buy clothes, and the food was almost all instant noodles + pickles. Occasionally cook a plate of quick-frozen dumplings, eat only 6 of them yourself, and leave the rest to your husband.
Although Cui Ling does not have much money, because of love, she is willing to "take care" of the debt of Dahe.
In order to pay off the debt as soon as possible, Dahe quit his job at the bank and took Cui Ling to Dongguan to work. Helpless to work without making too much money, they returned to their hometown of Xuzhou and opened a breakfast shop. Business was good at first, but when the epidemic came, it closed again.
In the second half of 2020, Dahe was desperate and had to go to deliver takeaways. Because he was not familiar with the route, he often watched the navigation while riding a bicycle, and falling down became a common thing. When it rains, I freeze and shiver.
Although the takeaway is hard, it has a salary every month, and Dahe is very pleased. The only time he felt bad was when the food was delivered to his high school teacher's house, who took the lunch box and shook his head and said: The book has been read into the belly of the dog.
Dahe listened to it very badly, and in order to forget the past, he was fierce and tore off his college diploma.
Once, my father couldn't help but ask Dahe: Do you regret taking off your bank suit and changing into a blue takeaway suit? Are you feeling ashamed?
Dahe was speechless.
He knew that only by working hard and suffering more could he get his lost face back.
Relying on this belief, in September, Dahe gave up his job as a food delivery and opened a barbecue restaurant with Cui Ling. When the business is good, every day is busy until two or three o'clock in the morning, and you can earn one or two thousand a month, so that you can pay back more than 100,000 a year.
When will we be able to pay off the remaining 2 million foreign debt? Neither Dahe nor Cui Ling knew, but they never admitted or accepted defeat.
Man can be destroyed, but he cannot be defeated! Luo Yonghao owes 600 million yuan to turn over, and we must be able to do so.
After saying that, they continued to eat noodles, pickles, and stayed up late to earn money to pay off debts.
03
Happy families are similar, unhappy families are different. This year, middle-aged people who have experienced setbacks and blows and are on the verge of collapse abound. It's just a matter of face, and everyone dares not say it.
In the seventh season of "Strange Story", there is a particularly poignant topic: should the collapse of adults be hidden?
Fu Seoul, 38, made his point:
The collapse of adults, in front of loved ones, must learn to hide.
In the past, when I had a breakdown, I once questioned my parents hysterically, and I also humiliated my partner in disguise, saying that I was blind... But in retrospect, there wasn't a single time when I didn't regret it.
As a mother, Fu Seoul also confessed her feelings about being a mother:
When I was young, I often ranted in my heart, why didn't anyone care about me? Why doesn't anyone understand me? Why am I so tired? Why am I living so wronged?
Later, when I became a mother, I would never ask such a question again.
After becoming a mother, she began to study hard, work hard, even if she was under more critical blows and pressure outside, she would dry her tears on the road, smile and push open the door of the house, and easily face the child.
Marriage may not make a woman grow up, but being a mother will definitely make her mature. Because she has responsibilities, people who need protection, weaknesses, and armor.
A person's growth is often in an instant.
It could be an illness, it could be an unemployment, it could be that you accidentally saw your parents' gray hair, or it could be that you overheard your child shouting "Mom." One second, you may still think of yourself as a child, and the next second, you must carry the burden of life.
Push open the door of the adult world, and you will find that there are no more people to rely on, and all around you are people who rely on you. From then on, money needs to be earned by itself, the road needs to be walked by itself, and the sense of security needs to be given by itself. Even if you have been wronged, you are not even qualified to cry loudly.
Your collapse, do not dare to let parents know, afraid that they are worried; do not dare to let colleagues and leaders know, afraid of affecting work performance; do not dare to let children know, because they do not understand things...
That's the price of adulthood.
In the adult world, there is no easy word. But only after surviving the night will you see the brilliant sun.
As Tagore said:
The suffering you suffer today, the loss you suffer, the sins you carry, and the pain you endure will eventually become light and illuminate your way forward.
The bad 2020 is finally over, and the lights are watching, cheering for 2021.
Picture from: @"Strange Story", Kuaishou @ Lee Dahe, "Presence", network