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"If I were given another chance, I'd rather be a shadow queen than have a career; I'd run the family well and choose as many children as I wanted."
No one thought that Pan Hong, who had boasted of being spiritually independent, experiencing independence, and not having the necessary need to get married, would have such feelings after more than half a hundred years.
Pan Hong was a hot female star in the last century, and has won 13 "Best Actress Awards" since her debut, and is an old drama bone that was once as famous as Liu Xiaoqing.
Pan Hong had a failed marriage when she was young, married to the well-known director Mi Jiashan at the age of 24, and divorced after 8 years.
Today, the 67-year-old Pan Hong is still alone, childless and childless; how is she now living when she once flaunted "women should be self-reliant"?
In 1954, Pan Hong was born in Shanghai, her original name was Liu Rong.
For more than a decade after her birth, she was in a deep and fiery catastrophe.
There are eggs under the nest, and in the turmoil of the wind and rain, Pan Hong's small family is not spared.
For the safety of the whole family, the mother could only choose to draw a line with it, and changed the surnames and names of her children.
Liu Rong, who was once naïve, disappeared, and in his place was Pan Hong, who stood tall in the sky.
As the eldest daughter in the family, she can only be forced to grow up, follow her mother, and take on the responsibility of the family.
When Pan Hong was 10 years old, her father could not bear the humiliation and chose to say goodbye to the world, and her mother refused to go to the crematorium to collect her husband's ashes in order to avoid suspicion.
The little girl could not bear it, so she could only step on the snow everywhere and go to the funeral home alone to get her father back.
The heavy snow and bone-chilling wind filled Pan Hong's entire life from the age of ten, staining her with the background of "sadness".
Pan Hong once mentioned the death of her father in her autobiography "Pan Hong's Monologue", she said: "I did not have a childhood, because only by allowing myself to grow up quickly could I take care of my sisters with my mother." ”
The eldest sister is like a mother and a father, and Pan Hong stayed at home until she was 17 years old for the sake of this family and for the sake of her two younger sisters.
At the age of 17, when the whole country advocated "going up the mountains and going to the countryside", Pan Hong also actively responded to going to Chongming Island with a large army to join the team, and settled down there.
This is a challenge and an opportunity, because she will usher in a turning point in her life here.
Pan Hong's life on Chongming Island was very boring, and she missed her relatives in her hometown while working day after day.
In 1973, the Shanghai Theater Academy came to Chongming Island to enroll, and by coincidence, Pan Hong signed up.
At that time, Pan Hong was not yet twenty years old, a small face was white and pure, a pair of large eyes seemed to be able to speak, and Yingying's gaze captured the heart of the invigilator.
At the age of 19, she packed her bags and embarked on another path guided by the god of destiny.
In 1976, the director of the movie "The Slave's Daughter" had not come to the school to pick actors.
The film tells the story of the slave era, the heroine is sold to the home of a slave owner.
Unwilling to rebel, she fought to save her sisters, and the dog that killed the slave owner was taken to prison.
The director wants to find a strong and courageous heroine.
He didn't want the same beauty, he just wanted a tough heroine in her bones.
For this reason, he ran for a long time, interviewing one girl after another of the right age, until he met Pan Hong.
At the first sight of Pan Hong, Zeng Weizhi knew that she was the person he was looking for.
The childhood experience has created Pan Hong's distinctive temperament, her cheeks are white and pure eyebrows, but her eyes are hard as iron, like a proud pine and cypress in the winter snow.
A pair of eyes on Pan Hong's eyes slapped the board immediately: "That's her!" ”
This film has brought great opportunities and challenges to Pan Hong's life.
Not only that, she also met her first and only husband in this life on the set, Mijiashan.
Born in a high-ranking family, Mijiashan grew up in a well-off family, and grew up to follow his heart to work as an artist in a film studio.
On the set, he met the beautiful little girl for the first time, Pan Hong.
Everyone has the heart to love beauty, and Mijiashan is certainly no exception.
Whenever he saw this beautiful actress performing under the magnesium light, he always forgot the work in his hand and would just stare at her in a daze.
As a crew member, Mi Jiashan inevitably deals with Pan Hong.
Smart, he always does not miss every opportunity, showing his gentle, professional and considerate side in every little thing.
In addition, he always loves to put himself in the position of "big brother", is willing to listen to Pan Hong's careful thoughts, is willing to consider problems from her point of view, and be his strong backing, such as brother and father.
This point is exactly in Pan Hong's weakness.
Pan Hong lost her father since she was a child, and without her father's love, she still had to raise her two younger sisters as a father and a mother, and she had long forgotten that she was still just a child.
The gentleness and thoughtfulness of Mijiashan awakened the little girl in Pan Hong's heart.
She looked at the man in front of her who was not handsome and fell into meditation: Maybe in front of this man I don't have to hide myself, I don't have to be tough or strong, just do myself.
In 1978, Pan Hong ignored the eyes of all kinds of people around her and married Mijiashan with an iron heart.
Soon after the new marriage, Pan Hong received an invitation from director Yang Yanjin to play the heroine of the film "Distressed Laughter".
Pan Hong gladly went to the appointment, thinking that this was a good opportunity to climb the peak of her career.
But I didn't think that this shooting had brought a huge wave to my marriage.
The director of the film, Yang Yanjin, is a very romantic person.
Romantic people since ancient times have always been affectionate, and this director is no exception.
He is obviously married, but he frequently spreads gossip with the actresses in the same group.
A slap does not make a sound, but if the director has a bit of the ethics of a married man, it will not be that every drama will send out peach news with the actress.
Arriving at Pan Hong's place, Yang Yanjin repeated the same technique and stirred up Pan Hong, who was newly married.
In the same crew, but also the relationship between the director and the main actor recently, Pan Hong still failed to stick to her heart after a long time.
She fell into the sweet trap created by Yang Yanjin and jumped into the abyss of eternal doom without hesitation.
When Pan Hong loved warmly, she wrote a lot of love letters to Yang Yanjin.
Unfortunately, these unsightly love letters were read by Director Yang's legitimate wife.
Yang Yanjin's wife Hong Rong is a fierce character, she is also an actress, although the fame is not big, but the temper is very large.
When Hong Rong saw that her husband had made such a mistake, his jealousy burned for a while, and a paper complaint sued both her husband and his little lover to the film studio.
Since ancient times, the "little three" have been nailed to the pillar of shame, not to mention the conservative 80s.
As a result, Yang Yanjin was remembered as a big mistake, and Pan Hong was transferred out of the film studio and returned home in ashes.
At that time, although Mijia Mountain was headed by a green grassland, it was not ready to let go.
He still has Pan Hong in his heart, and even in order to have more common language with her, he went to film school to study directing.
Unfortunately, Pan Hong was hurt by men at that time, and she no longer trusted any men, including her own husband.
The only thing she can embrace is her own career and the dignity that cannot be abandoned.
Hard-boned, she refused to apologize, and also refused to redeem herself with a low posture, turning her head to fight for her career.
And her marriage to Mijiashan also began to fall into the Cold War from this time.
In 1981, Pan Hong starred in the film "Du Shiniang".
With her excellent performance, she nominated the best actress of the Xiaobaihua Award and the best actress of the Popular Film Hundred Flowers Award in both her pockets, becoming the "Xiaohua Dan" who was just popular at that time.
In 1983, she once again won the Golden Rooster Award and the Hundred Flowers Award for Best Actress with her outstanding performance in "Middle-aged".
It can be said that she is the limelight and has become an actress with the same name as Liu Xiaoqing.
Pan Hong's side was mixed up, and the Mijia Mountain side was not idle.
In 1983, he directed the TV series "Crooked Stone Path" for the first time and won the first prize of the Feitian Award.
The arena is triumphant, the love field is frustrated.
The two have put all their energy into their work, naturally they can't take care of each other, and over time, their feelings will inevitably fade.
There are also rumors that Pan Hong, in order to better fight for a career, has long chosen to move away from the love nest with Mijiashan.
After the Yang Yanjin incident, the two had a gap in their hearts, coupled with the separation of the two places for a long time, natural problems arose frequently.
In 1986, in the eighth year after marriage, Mi Jiashan, who was extremely tormented, filed a divorce with Pan Hong.
Pan Hong has been a hard bone since childhood, and she believes that women do not need to live dependent on men.
"I am financially and spiritually independent, so why bother to please you?"
It is precisely because of this mode of thinking that she does not know how to show weakness, nor does she know how to redeem herself, and she divorced Mijiashan on an impulse.
After more than twenty years, in a show, the host asked her: "Teacher Pan, have you considered a change with this hard temper?" Are you willing to change for the sake of marriage, for the sake of your husband? ”
Pan Hong held his chin high, and his face was full of pride: "I won't!" I am financially independent, mentally independent, why should I change? ”
But is this really the case?
Has Pan Hong really never regretted it?
After the divorce, Pan Hong never entered any marriage again, and she dedicated herself to her acting career like a sacrifice.
In 1988, she starred in the movie "The Last Nobleman" and appeared in time magazine in the United States, and was the first person in the show business to appear in this magazine.
Pan Hong was completely red, red like never before, and no one could match it.
With the increase of age and experience, Pan Hong's state of mind is also changing.
Sometimes, it is always necessary to lose a person to remember the importance of this person.
After the divorce, Pan Hong remembered the goodness of MiJiashan, and she finally realized that there was no one in this world who would study a profession for her and would tolerate the big mistakes she made.
In 1988, when MiJiashan's film "The Stubborn Lord" was recruiting actors, Pan Hong decided to help him, and also to see if he could save the relationship.
The film received rave reviews and received six nominations, including the Golden Rooster Award; but the cooperation could be further cooperated, but people could not catch up.
Pan Hong finally understood that not all mistakes can be made up for after the fact.
In 1992, Pan Hong starred in the movie "Stock Madness" and won several actress awards with this film.
In 2001, she played the heroine again in the sequel to the film, "Shares," which she played again.
This is Pan Hong's last highlight moment in her career.
As she grew older, she no longer had the ability to play the heroine, and could only turn to playing the "evil mother-in-law".
Many young viewers always stay on the image of the "evil person" of the bad guy's marriage.
For example, in the TV series "Mother-in-law Meets Mother" broadcast in 2011, the "evil mother-in-law" who was difficult for Li Xiaolu.
As well as the strong "mother" role in the TV series "Second Child" broadcast in 2014, Pan Hong has received many bad reviews from the audience.
In this regard, she is very aggrieved: "I have never had a child in my life, so whether it is a bad mother or an evil mother-in-law, I will not do it, nor can I do it at all." ”
Today's Pan Hong feels "gentle" a lot, and it is difficult to see the desperate hard work in her body.
As early as 2003, Pan Hong wholeheartedly became a "layman".
It was also from that time that Pan Hong began to re-examine her life.
There are many things she did not explicitly say, but from the accounts of the people around her, we can glimpse a trace of clues.
Dong Qing and Pan Hong have a lot of ties, both of them are Shanghainese, also study at the same university, and make friends privately.
She once talked about Pan Hong in a talk show, saying that in her life, she regretted something very much.
Pan Hong once said to Dong Qing, "You know what? If God gives me another chance, I'd rather not fight for this cause than save my home, have a few children with my husband, and take them to the park every weekend. ”
Between the lines, there is regret.
Unfortunately, the golden year does not come again, and it is difficult to get another morning.
We must do the right thing in a certain time, otherwise after that point in time there will be no more chance of recovery.
It is true that Pan Hong, as an actress, is undoubtedly successful, she has countless masterpieces, and awards at home and abroad have been soft.
But whenever she returns to her small home and faces an empty room, she can only be accompanied by books, and her state of mind is inevitably bitter, right?
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