I have heard such a saying: leaves do not turn yellow every day, people's hearts do not become cooler every day, and feelings do not fade by day.
A relationship from intense as fire to cold and piercing, never a day or two.
All feelings have traces before they deteriorate.
When a relationship appears in the following 3 signs, it means that it has begun to deteriorate, please do not ignore.
Nietzsche said: "Married life is like a long-term conversation, when you decide to enter marriage, you have to consider whether you can talk and laugh to the end." 」 ”
Two people who can always have something to say can really go to the end.
When two people living under the same roof stop talking and laughing freely, their feelings have been rifted.
In her article, the new media author Feng Qingyang recounted the darkest days of her marriage:
It was the fifth year after they were married, and Feng Qingyang found that no matter what he and her husband said, he was absent-minded.
Share interesting things with him, and he just responds with "uh-huh" and "oh, so."
When he encountered something sad to talk to him, he often made two perfunctory remarks without looking up.
After a long time, the wind was no longer expected, and she began to only talk to her husband about the unavoidable things.
Like what:
"Come back for dinner in the evening?"
"Today, are you free to pick up the baby?"
"Mom and Dad are coming from their hometown tomorrow."
"The commercial loan for the house was paid off this month."
“……”
In the article, she wrote:
"We will talk about children, old people, money, but we will not say our own hearts."
Later, Feng Yang's father was hospitalized with kidney failure, and the hospital issued a critical illness notice.
She signed alone and squatted in front of the hospital elevator for a long, long time.
But when she got home, she didn't mention it to her husband at all.
That night, she tossed and turned, unable to sleep through the night.
She sent a circle of friends that was only visible to herself, comforting her father that he would definitely survive.
Obviously it was a marriage of two people, but she felt that she had lived as a person.
Their marriage went into an awkward situation.
Marriage is a long dialogue, and it will be a spiritual fit to each other.
When two people in a marriage no longer talk to each other, their hearts will be estranged, and people will gradually drift apart.
Someone said: "Marriage is the mutual affection of two people, not the joys and sorrows of one person." ”
When two people do not have the exchange of hearts, marriage becomes a person's sadness and joy, and the partner also becomes a roommate who looks like a god.
In this way, once there is any wind and grass in their lives, the two originally estranged hearts are easy to break up.
Some people say: Good feelings are all trouble.
Indeed, this is true both in friendship and love.
Mutual trouble, there are exchanges and exchanges, and the feelings are deep.
In a relationship, the subtext of being willing to trouble each other is: "I need you." ”
Happy to be bothered by the other person is saying, "I care about you." ”
And when two people in a relationship dare not bother each other anymore, they have become strangers closest to each other.
As psychologist Wu Zhihong said:
"If you don't bother each other, you can't build a relationship."
It reminds me of my good friend.
Once, when we had a small gathering, she suddenly cried after drinking some wine.
She said that over the years, I have been very tired and carried everything by myself.
The credit card expired, there was still a difference of 1,000 yuan, and I did installments.
Coming back from a business trip, it was raining heavily, and I was alone in the rain waiting for drip.
I went to the hospital alone to have my wisdom teeth extracted and almost fainted in the hospital.
……
I asked her, "Why don't you tell your husband?" Don't let him pick him up? Don't let him accompany you? ”
She said: "I don't want to trouble him, I don't want to owe him, and when the day comes, when we really can't hold on, I can go frankly." ”
The friend later said that she was dead to this relationship, and in her heart, her husband was an outsider.
No longer bothering each other, that is, no longer needing each other, once the only, has become today's dispensable.
In a relationship, when one of them stops bothering the other person, their relationship loses the way it is linked and the possibility of continuing.
As the young writer Li Shanglong said:
"Feelings, are all trouble out. If you don't bother each other, there will be no communication, and without communication, you will naturally lose your best feelings. ”
The unwillingness to trouble each other anymore is not sensible or self-conscious, but the beginning of a relationship estranged.
See a question on Zhihu:
When did you find out that your husband didn't love you anymore?
A netizen said:
From the day he forgot to give me a birthday.
Before, he was poor, but on my birthday, he would spend a long time folding roses out of wrinkled paper and making birthday cards.
Then, take another day's green-skinned train and travel thousands of miles to my city.
Although the paper folded roses are very ordinary and slightly rough, I know that it is a heart, that is love.
Now, the days are better.
A cake, a bouquet of flowers, an online order, only took a few minutes, but he was reluctant to do it anymore.
I know, it's mind out of mind.
Whether you are willing to give each other a sense of ceremony and witness a person's true feelings.
I remembered a sentence that Huang Lei said before:
"Witness love with rituals, and use rituals to give a testimony to each other, to yourself, to others."
That's what he said and that's what he did.
When Huang Lei and Sun Li were in love for 20 years, they made up a grand wedding.
This wedding is an expression of his love and a testimony of their love.
Zhang Xiaoxian said:
"Over the years, we have gradually realized how deeply we love you, and how much effort I am willing to put into arrangements for you."
A person who is willing to spend his mind on you is a person who is willing to share his world with you, and he must be a person who treats you sincerely.
Even if he is too busy to be busy, he is still willing to make time for you to express his love.
A sense of ritual fullness is proof of love, and a lack of ritual is evidence of not loving.
A person who does not love, he is not willing to spend any more time and energy to create romance, to express love, he will feel that doing all this is just a form, just superfluous.
I remembered that there was a line in "Desperate Housewives":
"Formalism is not great, but it is better than being lazy and going through the motions!"
When one day, in a relationship, one of the people is too lazy to even go through the motions, then the relationship has really changed.
In the Great Sage of Love, it is said:
"It is simple to love someone, it is simple to be loved by one person, it is difficult to be happy with two feelings, and it is even more difficult for people who are happy with two feelings to overcome all kinds of difficulties to come together."
Two people, walking together across the crowds, it is really not easy.
However, it is sad that some people have crossed the difficulties of the beginning and have not withstood the later blandness.
As a result, the two people who originally had a good relationship ended up being strangers.
In fact, in this world, there has never been a natural fit for people, and good feelings need to be managed well by each other.
Try to give each other a little time, sit down, open up and talk, and maybe bring the two closer together.
Try to trouble the person next to you, there are comings and goings, maybe the feelings can heat up in mutual trouble.
Try to inject a little sense of ritual into life, let the other person feel love, and maybe the feelings that have been worn away by the daily trivialities will reappear little by little.
The rest of my life is vast, may you and I be able to keep the true feelings, keep the true heart, and the people we love, and share the white head with deep affection.
Author | Shallow, willing to use words to convey the temperature and illuminate the earthly world.
Image | Visual China