"This is the call of the heart, this is the dedication of love, this is the spring breeze on earth, this is the source of life..."
In the 1980s and 1990s, a song "Dedication of Love" became popular all over the country and is still an evocative classic.
Wei Wei, who sang this song, also became a singer who was red in half the sky at that time.
In 1992, she chose to withdraw from the Chinese music scene due to a transnational marriage with Swedish musician Michael, which caused a very big sensation.
Wei Wei's marriage was once synonymous with happiness in the hearts of the public, but after ten years, it ended in bleakness, which can't help but make people sigh!
It turned out that her foreign husband, who was 25 years older than her, was not good to her.
Not only did he frequently cheat and be violent towards her, but he also tried to murder her in her car...
Flipping through her Weibo, I saw that she raised her three sons alone after divorce and lived a dull life.
Looking back at Wei Wei's emotional journey, she always seems to be attracted to older men, but in the end she loses miserably.
In fact, she has had a bad relationship with her father since she was a child.
The bumps in her love road may have planted seeds in the father-daughter relationship.
She has never established a benign relationship with her father, she cannot get the support of abundant "father energy", and her emotional fate is unconsciously twisted into the gears of the negative cycle...
The lack of "Father energy" makes your inner foundation unstable
There is a ballad that reads:
Father's love is like an umbrella, shielding you from the wind and rain; Father's love is like rain, washing your soul.
Yes, the energy of Father's love is warm and powerful.
When a girl grows up and is fed by her father's energy, she will be like a small seedling with sunshine care, and she can always grow into her favorite appearance.
Moreover, the father is the first person of the opposite sex in the girl's life, and the father-daughter relationship will also affect her future cognition and attitude towards men.
Vevey's inner father energy is scarce, which has a negative impact on his own growth.
In 1963, the exotic Wei Wei was born in Inner Mongolia.
Her father was an old-fashioned soldier and gave her the name "Zhang Juxia".
He always loved to tell her the story of the army, and taught her to abide by her duty and live an ordinary life.
At the age of 4, Wei Wei fell in love with singing.
Father objected: "Girls don't show their faces!" ”
The things he liked could not be recognized by his father, and Wei Wei was distressed in his heart and turned to his mother's arms to win support.
At the age of 6, she began to learn vocal music with the support of her mother.
She studied very seriously and officially performed on stage at the age of 8.
When her father found out, he was furious and scolded her for "disobedience."
Her father's cold attitude made her girlish heart gradually become fragile and rebellious.
She disobeyed her father's discipline and made an outrageous move - changing her name to "Wei Wei".
For this reason, her father became angry and scolded her for "great rebellion and filial piety."
Wei Wei, who was bent on getting his father's approval, felt that everything he did in his father's eyes was wrong, and an inexplicable "hostility" to his father sprouted in his heart, and his desire to escape was even stronger.
At the age of 14, the opportunity came.
The Beijing Railway Literary troupe came to Inner Mongolia to select singers, and Wei Wei saw this as his only chance to escape his father's shackles.
She did her best to perform a song like a cry, which won the hearts of the judges.
At the age of 15, she finally got her wish and got her ticket to the Beijing Cultural and Labor Troupe.
But my father still had a cold face and didn't say a word.
The father and daughter were secretly fighting at the parting feast, and neither of them obeyed the other.
Father, as if he had become the "enemy" she wanted to defeat.
Looking at his father's stodgy face, Wei Wei secretly swore that he must make achievements and impress his father.
Even though Wei Wei's singing career was in full swing and she was famous, she still did not have enough support from her father's energy.
Even, when he fell into a painful public opinion storm and called his father, he only exchanged a loud shout from his father: "I want to break off the father-daughter relationship with you!" ”
At that moment, Wei Wei was crying tears, and her father never cared about her again.
Until his father's death, the father and daughter did not see each other again.
In Wei Wei's growth, the father's energy obtained was very limited, which made her inner foundation extremely unstable.
He was filled with hatred for his father.
On the one hand, he is very eager for fatherly love, and it is easy to fall in love with men who are older and slightly warmer to themselves.
Unfortunately, such a relationship did not bear good fruit in the end.
The "hatred" of the father, projected into the relationship is an obstacle
The girl's hatred for her father is like a seed buried deep in her own subconscious, which will invisibly blossom in the intimate relationship in adulthood and affect the quality of the relationship.
The American mythologist Campbell once said that the father is the prototype of all enemies.
Because fathers and mothers are not the same.
The mother is pregnant in October, which is connected to the child's navel, and after birth, it is symbiotic with breast milk as a bond.
The father does not have a natural relationship basis with the child, he exists outside the mother-child community, and to a certain extent, it will have an impact on the symbiotic relationship between mother and child.
Therefore, he is the first outsider in the child's perception and a symbol of the external world.
This is even worse for the girl, if the girl subconsciously sets the father as an "enemy", her external world will establish many enemies of the opposite sex.
Just as Wei Wei subconsciously loves and hates his father, projected into an intimate relationship, he will also turn the other party into his own enemy in the love-hate pull with his partner.
While in the literary troupe, Wei Wei developed a crush on the warm Fu Di and fell in love with him.
Wei Wei became more and more powerful in this relationship with the rapid progress of his career, and Fu Disheng did not accept softness, and the two became "the most familiar strangers".
However, her heart still longs for the warmth of fatherly love.
At a gathering of friends, she met the cross-talk master Hou Yaowen.
The humorous Hou Yaowen can always make her laugh.
Wei Wei was like having a round of sun, dispelling the gloom of the years.
She unconsciously fell in love with Hou Yaowen, who was 15 years older than herself.
Even if you know that the other party already has a family, you must insist on being with him.
Hou Yaowen was still outside, and then kicked her away.
Wei Wei was extremely hurt, and at this time, his father also severed his relationship with himself, and his heart was even more lacking in love and longed for love.
The gears of fate always seem to spin in the same pattern.
When she attended a cabaret performance, Michael in the audience fell in love with her at first sight.
She saw that Michael was 25 years older than herself, had experience, experience and romance, and fell once again.
After a paparazzi pickpocket, it was learned that Michael was also a married man.
Michael abandoned his wife and married her and spent several happy years in Sweden.
Unfortunately, the good times did not last long.
Michael flirted with someone else during the marriage.
Wei Wei was disheartened and wanted to divorce, but Michael revealed his true face.
He not only spoke ill of Wei Wei, but also threatened her violently:
"If you're leaving, I'll let you die!"
Wei Wei had already made up his mind, and Michael went to her private car to manipulate and murder her.
After many years, wei Wei finally divorced Michael and regained custody of his three children after hard work and persistence.
Why did the love she was looking for end up being scattered?
It is precisely because, unconsciously, that she is not looking for the love of a man, but conquering the love of her father.
Therefore, it is only time and time again that I have wrongly loved an older married man.
This made me think that a visit called Autumn Rain in Defen Space also had a similar fate.
When she was 7 years old, her father cheated on her and abandoned her and her mother.
She has always held a grudge against her father, and she has also hated the man who splits his legs.
But the amazing thing is that she is always easily attracted to those scumbags.
The most scummy one also cheated on her during her pregnancy and beat her up.
But Qiu Yu said: "I can't leave, otherwise I will have no sense of existence." ”
Didn't she hate her father? Why do you grow up and fall in love with a man like your father?
That's because she hadn't been loved by her father since she was a child.
This lack will condense into a deep trauma in her heart, making her deeply doubt that she has no value.
Therefore, it seems that Wei Wei and Qiu Yu can only feel the compensation of their father's love and prove that they are worthy of being loved only if they continue to conquer men like their fathers.
The father is the "root" in the girl's relationship.
When this "root" is stained with hatred, the relationship that grows will be like a sick tree, bringing pain to oneself.
Build a bridge between father and daughter and see the bright sunshine of intimate relationships again
There is a popular saying on the Internet: "It is better to have a rich father than a good father." ”
Indeed, when we have a good father, it is as if we have the energy of a mountain.
When we are vulnerable, he will give us strength and lead us to become brave; when we are confused and confused, he will also be like a beacon, illuminating the direction of our progress...
But we can't choose our father.
No matter what trauma our father has left us in the past, our hearts cannot truly give up our father.
There is always a bridge between us and our father that leads directly to each other and across the past.
Perhaps, if we fix it, our intimacy will usher in a new round of sunshine.
1. Be aware of the inner "father-daughter relationship"
As a woman, the father will always be the root of her own life.
No matter what kind of height you have climbed in life now, your heart is inextricably linked to your father.
Teacher Defen once said that the most important growth is to begin with awareness.
What kind of image has your father always been in your mind? Do you love him or hate him?
You can try to be consciously aware of the inner father-daughter relationship.
Don't care too much about whether you're aware of love or hate, whether it's giggles or bumps, because as long as you're aware, you'll look at the father-daughter relationship from a relatively neutral perspective.
And you, in this process, will also know more and more about yourself, and gradually find a breakthrough in building a bridge for women.
2. Allow yourself to express your "hatred" for your father
Since our father has given us life, many times we know that our father is not good, and we dare not hate him, which will make us feel moral pressure or feel shameful.
However, hatred is a real emotion, and if you suppress it blindly, it will appear in a uglier form, projected into intimate relationships, and affect the texture of your life.
An important step in cultivating a father-daughter relationship is to try to express your hatred for your father.
You can boldly accuse your father in a private space, or in front of a counselor:
"Why are you doing that to me?" I really hate you! ”......
When these deeply buried resentments flow, the acceptance switch is activated, and with it, the love that is covered by resentment will emerge.
3. Practice visualization and break the cycle of life patterns
I've heard someone say this:
Dad's greatest pride is not how much money he earns, but that his daughter finds a husband like himself.
It can be seen that how many girls have internalized the father-daughter relationship into an interactive mode of intimate relationship.
And if you unconsciously identify with the cycle of patterns, our fate will always be in the same place.
Practicing visualization is an effective way to break patterns:
Please close your eyes, eliminate distractions, empty yourself, and focus on your breathing;
Take a few deep breaths, take a few more breaths, pause for a few seconds, and then focus on your own head;
Give the head a command – please show me the pictures of my past relationship with my father, and then show the moments of my closeness with my partner;
To feel what those images present, to hear what they are saying...
With this practice, you become aware of your pattern, and breaking its cycle of reincarnation will also initiate.
There is no insurmountable key in intimate relationships.
Just because you understand your relationship with your father, you can help you walk up the ladder to the Sanctuary of Love.
Planning | Hungry fish
Edit | Fish Sweet