In the past two days, I was suddenly reported by China News Weekly as "the hardest Chinese in the flow", hitting my tear glands and my nose sour.
In the past 2021, I have rarely shed tears. That's because I myself am also wrapped up in the world, it is difficult to move forward, the more I have experienced struggles and grinding, the more I have a layer of pulp in my heart, and my heart seems to have a layer of natural protective cover, refusing to let worldly emotions easily puncture it, so as not to make myself hate myself, hate myself, and hate myself for not being strong enough.
But this time I still couldn't hold on. I have not liked the hot word "breaking defense", and sadness and sadness are basic, but at the moment, only it can express my mood. The broken life in the tone, like a needle, pierced the layer of pulp in my heart and pierced the tears out of the tear glands. All the lines of defense were instantly shattered by the compassion evoked in the heart.
Yue Ronggui
Allow me to use my own language to once again tell the life of "Yue Ronggui".
If it were not for this Beijing circulation, probably no one would have noticed this middle-aged man named "Yue Ronggui". He is from Henan, not too old, 44 years old, but already white haired in the photo. How could he not have gray hair, he was just an ordinary seafarer, with a meager income from fishing, to support a family of six. His elderly father was paralyzed, and his mother was bedridden with broken bones, and they all had to be cared for by him.
He had two sons, but unfortunately two years ago, the eldest son, Yue Yuetong, went missing and has not been heard from since (the latest news says that the death has been confirmed), and he even went to the hospital morgue to inquire. After the incident, he rushed to the police station to report to the police, trying to find it by monitoring or locating his son's mobile phone, but it was not carried out for various reasons. His wife cried at the door of the police station for two days, and not only was she ignored, but the director's speech was difficult to hear. The case was filed three months later, after which the case was pushed from the Weihai Municipal Public Security Bureau back to the Rongcheng Municipal Public Security Bureau, where he approached the Shandong Provincial Public Security Department and finally went to Beijing.
During this period, in order to find his son, he traveled to more than ten cities in Tianjin, Henan, Hebei and Shandong, and everywhere he went, he relied on odd jobs to support his family, and in order to save expenses, he slept in the ATM machine of the bank. After arriving in Beijing, he lived in an urban village with a monthly rent of 700. The job is to go to various construction sites to carry sandbags, cement, and carry garbage. A bag of cement 100 pounds, carry three or four floors a bag to earn 3 or 4 yuan. Work is not fixed, where there is work, go wherever there is work, sometimes across four districts in a day. Work is also not divided into time, often go out in the early morning, only come back at dawn. Then three buns, a bowl of porridge, sleep for four or five hours in the morning, and go out in the afternoon to find work.
In the 14 days before he was tested positive, he was recorded working a total of 28 jobs.
I looked closely at the record and found that the day the flow began was the night of the New Year's Eve. That night he started at 11:30 a.m. and worked until 4:43 a.m. In the lights of wanjia, people greet the New Year's eve, he is in the folded dark space of Beijing, carrying cement back and forth all night upstairs and downstairs.
On such a bustling night, in a vast foreign land, no one knew that he was struggling to make a living and could not return at night, and no one knew that his heart was lost and empty. No one knows if he is wearing warm or not, tired to drink hot water?
The circulation also shows that on January 17, he ran to the Taoranting post office to receive a letter. It was a petition letter to find his son, and he was about to leave Beijing, but he was told that he was infected with the new crown. However, after being isolated for treatment, his first thought was not his own health, but the ticket he bought for 414 yuan that had not been refunded.
When I recounted this, I felt again that my body and mind were like being shrouded in darkness, and I couldn't help but shed tears.
When I recount this story, I no longer need to embellish such a life with any words. It's so specific that I can't describe it when I've read literature. These specific hardships in life are beyond the capacity of words. In the text, we always try to describe the good life, but in the specific life, how many people's lives are so fragmented, and finally they can only rely on a little faith to support themselves, not to let themselves collapse.
It's been two full years since the pandemic, and to be honest, I'm completely tired of the narrative of big history, completely tired of looking at the discourse of the present from the perspective of human history. I'm also completely tired of words in the big context of working together. Because excessive rationality will make people lose their sense of pain in life, let people hold a little indifference to this boundless suffering, and watch the fire from the other side. Because it is too rational, it will make people ignore the difficulties in a specific life, as if this person lives in the same space as us.
In just two years, only two years, we have completely exposed our lives to the reality of life. Real life, to go to the real life, is not real enough? Even a person with an iron heart can always shed bitter tears.
During the epidemic in Shaoxing, the circulation report of infected people was running in the vegetable market, schools, hospitals, and homes of the elderly. In the Beijing circulation report, running at three o'clock in the morning, running in the vegetable market and fish market. In this invisible life, there should be hidden how many invisible hardships. During the epidemic in Xi'an, some people crossed the Qinling Mountains, some people swam across the Wei River, and some people cried out in hunger.
It's almost the New Year, and how many people who have returned to their hometowns have been defined as "malicious returns", which is a kind of screen that can smell evil!
In two years, how many enterprises have gone bankrupt, how many people have lost their jobs, how many people have run around because of poverty, how many people have silently endured the endless hardships of this life, and when is the end of such a difficult life. As many invisible long nights as there are people who weep for the pain of life.
In the past two years, to be honest, I am really tired of those big words, big times, and I am tired of writing, and I am tired of the sacrifices that some friends told me are normal, and I am completely tired of the words that are more difficult and more positive energy. I am also tired of the evil that inadvertently leaks out between people.
What is a person? In the past two years of the epidemic, I have been desperately trying to figure out the problem. What exactly is a person? Eventually, I found the answer from Du Fu.
By my standards, I think the best person must be sad with himself. But I also know very well that from a human point of view, even if the Guanyin Bodhisattva who saved the suffering and rescued the suffering saw it, he thought it was a joke. If a person has not experienced sorrow, how can he be sad for others? If a person has not experienced suffering, how can he hold the suffering of others in his eyes? How can a person who has not experienced the illness of his own parents sympathize with the illness of others? A person has not experienced despair, how can he see the despair of others in his eyes.
If I can, I can tell you clearly that he is performing!
That's the man! In terms of human nature, people are inherently selfish.
But from Du Fu, I found new answers about people. Du Fu also experienced madness, and also experienced the desire for fame, the desire for official positions, and the poetry of others that I looked at and wrote. He also experienced his great era, when the Anshi Rebellion crushed the entire Tang Dynasty, and seven-tenths of the country's population died. Does he have feelings? He didn't feel it. What he really felt was when he got home.
The old wife sent another county, ten mouths across the wind and snow.
The introductory man sniffed, and the young son was hungry.
When his son starved to death in his old age, he really began to grieve for others, and the reason why he was sad about others was because he was sad in his own life, and he saw in his eyes that all beings were suffering. Only then can we see the cruelty of those petty officials and petty officials; only then can we see the sorrow of those grooms who just caved yesterday and arrested Zhuang Ding today; only then can we see those old men who have gone over the wall and gone out to see the old women; and only then can we see the old husbands and wives who have to die and die because of the chaos of the war.
What are the noble emotions of a person? I also found the answer in Du Fu.
Du Fuduo thinks that the country can quickly defeat the rebels, just like the current epidemic, we are like Du Fu, how eager the country can quickly defeat the epidemic and the people's lives will be safe and happy again. But Du Fu also saw another layer, he not only saw the rebels hurting the people, he also saw how many petty officials and petty officials the state used to fight the rebels; he also saw that in order to fight the rebels, the government invited Hui people to promise to rob Luoyang of the triple damage.
What is a person, this is the emotion of a person. His desire to retake the rebels was a real emotion, and it was also true that he was miserable. Is there a way for him to come up with a solution? He has a fart method! He couldn't even be a small clerk as a warehousekeeper. But it is this kind of human emotion that shows the nobility of man and the generosity of man.
There is nothing in the middle of the emotion that is not attached to people, nor is there a sentence that is a big word, an empty word, a cheer, or a positive energy. So today, I still like Du Fu, thank Du Fu, and I can also read Du Fu, he made me understand the nobility of people, where is the dignity of people. Therefore, his "Three Officials" and "Three Farewells", when I read it once, reminded me how to live like a person, how to be a normal person, not an abnormal person.
Therefore, his "Three Officials" and "Three Farewells" are the tears of a thousand autumns. So just like seeing Yue Ronggui, the sadness in my heart suddenly arises, and such emotions only confirm that I am still a person.
His story is the "tears of a thousand autumns" of this era!
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