At night, I fell asleep and had a dream that I was resting with my female colleague, and she loved to grind her teeth, so I slapped her and woke her up. As a result, I also woke up, opened my eyes and looked, I was asleep alone in the single dormitory, where was the female colleague? I was going to continue sleeping, but I heard a woman crying, and I took a closer look, and there were really female colleagues, sitting across from me crying. I used to coax her, and she ignored me, and I said, "Don't cry, if you cry again, I'll kick you out, see if you're afraid!" She said, "Brother, you think wrong, I came from outside, I am not afraid at all, the person I feel afraid of should be you!" "I was stunned, look around, no, I just graduated, I don't even have a job, where is the single dormitory?" It must have been a dream, so I slapped myself a few times, anyway, it was a dream, and I was fierce. It really hurt, and I weakly asked her, "Are you my female colleague?" You're not going to scare me, are you? We must have a good relationship, right? The woman said, "Brother, in fact, we didn't have a good relationship before we died..." And so on, and I quickly said, "What do you mean?" What is pre-life? Is it the kind of life that gives birth to a child? "Oh, I'm very smart. The woman said: "Brother, you think wrong, it is the kind of life that is alive..." I was scared at that time, wow a cry, a man crying, crying, crying, it is not a sin, so scary who does not cry! As a result, after crying, I looked, hehe, I fell asleep at my house, nothing happened. So, I said to myself, "Cry when you have nightmares, and other moves won't work." I heard a girl: "Brother, sometimes cry...."
2. Recently, the company has a new rich woman, I heard that she is still single in her 40s, and after I know the address of the rich woman, I often walk around her downstairs, wanting to pretend to meet and further develop. Sure enough, within a few days, I was reported and interrogated by the security guards of the community, suspecting that I had come to step on the point. At that time, if it were not for the rich woman driving that mini to rescue me, I estimated that I would have become an Internet celebrity!
3. With five years of savings, I bought a Rolls-Royce. The sister-in-law liked it very much and borrowed it stalkingly. I had to take the subway to work, and suddenly Alipay rang out: 1.5 million yuan was received. All of a sudden everyone looked at me, scared me out of the iPhone 11p and opened it. It turned out that my ex-girlfriend, who had been separated for half a year, sent me a V letter: This money to buy you a Maserati. I was touched: Why is it so good for me now? Haven't you ever forgotten me? Ex-Girlfriend: What? Turns out I've turned the wrong person? You remember to give it back to me!"
4. The female manager had a caesarean section and was discovered by her husband, who immediately divorced her. The female manager could not think of planning to kill herself, and in order to stop her, I had to marry her back home. Last night my wife fell asleep, and I just lay next to me and sat playing with my phone. Unexpectedly, my wife suddenly woke up, so she grabbed my ear and said angrily: Are you taking advantage of my sleep to peek at the beautiful woman? I quickly explained: no, no, I have been watching TV dramas on my mobile phone. After listening to my explanation, my wife gave me another slap and angrily yelled at me: I slept for such a long time, you didn't even look at me!
5. Teachers often teach children to develop a good habit of collecting gold, and for those children who are not ignorant of gold, teachers must also give certain rewards. Therefore, the students picked up things and actively handed them to the teacher, and a good style was formed in the class. One day, a classmate picked up five yuan and wanted to give it to the teacher, but because of his hunger, he bought a five-yuan marshmallow. Just when he wanted to eat, he began to feel guilty again, and eventually he decided to be an honest child. So he ran to the teacher's office and said, "Teacher, I picked up a marshmallow today." ”
6. My girlfriend's family is very rich, and on this day I borrowed my brother-in-law's Maserati to go out to my sister-in-law. Driving the Maserati with the little sister a few laps to refuel. After parking the car, the refueling staff said: Open the fuel tank cover! I was confused as to which key the fuel tank lid was, and I was sweating profusely and couldn't find anything. Before she finished refueling, the beauty said that she had something to go. Experience, next time you have to fill up the oil in advance!
7. When I came home from work today, I felt like my whole body was falling apart, and I was relieved to find my wife cooking in the kitchen, and the fatigue in my body faded a lot. Gently breaded her waist from behind, gently asked her: "Wife I love you, do you love me?" The wife's face flushed, and she whispered, "Neurosis." Although the sound was very small, I still heard it, and an upside-down onion threw her the floor... Oh, actually dare to scold me?
8. After the results of the midterm exam are out, the teacher asks the parents to take the test paper home and ask the parents to sign it. In class today, the teacher asked Xiaoming: Why didn't your mother sign? He cried: Dad said Mom had gone far away... Then the whole class was silent! Oh my hard-working classmate! The class members cried as the leader of me, and the teacher's eyes were red. A few days later, at lunch, he took out a bag of weekly black ducks and put it on the table, and I asked him where did he come from? He said his mother had brought it back from a field trip.
#Funny# #搞笑段子 #