No Geigstadt in the relationship

How to help yourself.

The Gestat is a whole form, a whole image. An unclosed "Gstadt" is an unfinished situation, an unfinished process. This situation is also common in relationships.

We are immersed in people and do not understand why. He or she may not be right for us. Or you can do a lot of bad things. But there are still some ambiguities. In our opinion, we can do something, we can learn something important.

Such a strong effect is precisely incomplete, lacking a complete picture.

Typical features of the Geigershtatt-free:

- There is an emotional incompleteness - it is not clear how to deal with it in the end

- Thought Rumination - Chasing through the same circle of thoughts, rolling through the same conversations

- Your energy is expended on that object — disproportionately more, and you fall into a kind of obsession

- We can involuntarily look for similar people - it's like a possible scenario

- We can unconsciously look for similar situations - and try to "complete" your main problem by completing these situations

Here are some ways to help shut down Gershtatt on the issue of relations.

1) Split

Don't go around big and incomprehensible things. For example: "I don't know – love or not love, forgive or don't forgive." Divide them into smaller parts and answer your own question about them:

One man said he had feelings for me.

-What action a man has taken in the last six months to prove to me that he loves/doesn't love

-When I asked about love etc., what did the person answer.

Studying superficial things, it is understandable and obvious.

2) Forgive

Try to forgive. Yes, you don't have to, you don't have to. But if there are no extremes, it is best to forgive.

Forgive yourself for being misled for a while, wasting your resources, and doubting your own conclusions.

Forgive that person:

Let him own motives.

- Stop counting on him/her

Do not treat him/her as your own relative

3) Speak all your thoughts, all your grievances

Speak well to a counselor or an intimate person you trust. You can imagine the offender, using the "empty chair" technique.

Not only can you say it, but you can describe everything in your journal.

You may have to repeat the procedure several times.

4) Simulate the situation

Try to simulate and reproduce this situation with the participation of other participants, or at least in your consciousness. Then come to a clear stage where you will be satisfied.

(5) Rewrite the situation

Describe a story, do such an ending, it will eliminate the problem and calm you down.

6) Complete the fantasy

Stop fantasizing and don't expect an object. Otherwise, all of this will be mixed in these blurry cases and woven into one giant ball.

7) Fixation here and now

Go back to the present more often. Try to feel your body and focus on what it's feeling in the moment. Focus on a particular action.