Accidentally killed a sheep...

1. When driving back to his hometown to visit the grave during the Qingming Festival, he accidentally killed a sheep. The farmer asked me to compensate him for 3,000 yuan, and I knew that I had lost money and handed him the money. He took the money, and I said that the money had already been lost to you, so I would take it away. The farmer said indignantly: No! I wondered: the money has already been given to you, why don't you let me take it? Farmer: So if I drive your wife to death, can I take her away after I lose the money?

2. My son just went to elementary school this year, and on this day, I picked up my son and went to the supermarket to buy something after school. My son saw that there were comic books from locke kingdom on the shelves, and he clamored to buy them, but I disagreed and criticized him for studying well. When I got home, I started cooking, and my wife hadn't come back from work yet. I was busy, my son suddenly ran over and stuffed me with 500 yuan, mysteriously said: Dad, this is my old money, I know you have no money, take it to play cards! Hurry up and put it away, don't be seen by my mother! I suddenly felt a wave of emotion in my heart, and I burst into tears and hid the money in the pillowcase. Not long after, my wife came back from work, and I was just about to say hello when my son suddenly shouted: Mom, my dad hid his private money in a pillowcase!

3. The nephew is in the first year of junior high school this year, has good grades, and is a bully. Today he asked me, "Aunt, what is your reason for being single?" Me: "Because I'm ugly." He: "The answer is not rigorous, because you are ugly and dislike other people's ugliness, so there is no boyfriend, and no boyfriend is the direct reason why you are single." "I beat him up and let him know that he can't talk nonsense if he doesn't study well.

4. When I was drunk, I whispered in the female manager's ear: "Honey, what is your desire to be drunk?" The female manager gently pushed me away, looked at me with watery eyes and said, "My drunken wish is that you can kiss me in three places!" I said happily: "This is not a trivial matter, which three places do you say!" Female manager: "Bali, Iceland and the Dead Sea!" ”

5. The mother-in-law participated in the audition for a flight attendant that year, and she was also shortlisted, which is also something she has been hanging on her lips for all these years. Last night, my mother-in-law was in a bad mood and asked me to go drinking, and I asked my mother-in-law: "Since you are shortlisted, why didn't you become a flight attendant?" The mother-in-law took a sip of the Moutai wine in the cup before slowly saying: "I blew up during the formal interview!" Me: "How did you blow it?" Mother-in-law: "People ask me, do you have any experience in the air?" I said yes! People asked me about my experience, and I said I've worked in skyscrapers over 40 stories! "

6. Before I fell in love with my husband, he borrowed me 400 yuan, and now he has been pretending to be stupid and not paying me back, so I swing in front of him twice a day to suggest that he pays back. At that time, our relationship was just a colleague, I often dangled in front of him, others said we were in love, and then, we both really fell in love, my son is now 10 years old, hey, what a scam!

7. Foxconn's female supervisor is a goddess-level girl who has recently found a boyfriend. Last night her brother came home with her boyfriend once and broke up when he came back. I asked why, and the female supervisor said: Before going to his house, I asked him if the dress I was wearing was appropriate, and he said that his mother must like it. I wondered: Was he wrong? Female Supervisor: He should be right. Me: Then why did you break up? Female Supervisor: Entering his house, my brother saw the desperate carpet at a glance!

8. Today the sister-in-law went on a blind date, did not expect that the other party is an old smoker, a moment of kung fu half a box of cigarettes is gone. So my sister-in-law asked him: How many years have you been smoking? The boy thought about it: 15 years should have it, right? Sister-in-law: Like you smoke Chinese every time, save it, can't you buy a BMW? The boy smiled, then wiped it in his pocket for a while, wiped out a handful of Maserati car keys and put them on the table!