As we all know, Qi Wei and her "copy-pasted" daughter Little Lucky are a model of mother-daughter relationship among stars. In the variety show "Please ask the refrigerator", He Jiong asked: "When you meet a child, you must not give, who will have the upper hand?" ”
Qi Wei's answer is worth learning from parents, "I communicate with her as an adult." ”
Once, Qi Wei wore a dress that Lucky particularly liked, and did not let her mother wear it, and claimed that this dress was her own.
So the mother and daughter argued, and the daughter said, "I like this dress, it is beautiful." ”
Qi Wei replied, "Then I want to be beautiful too." ”
Qi Wei later said, I don't want to comfort her like this, this thing is mine, you have no reason, because you have a reason to turn other people's things into your things when you are young, and no one should get used to your bad problem.
Such an educational concept not only allows the daughter to have the right to express herself, but also sets rules for the daughter, and makes the child more willing to communicate with her parents.
As your child grows, you may feel like talking to your child every day, but it feels like he's starting to have his own little secrets, and not everything is told to me. Sometimes, even when I ask a question and he answers, I talk about the sky "dead" as I talk. So, how do you let your child open up to himself and be friends from an early age?
Talk ≠ chat
Some parents and friends may have learned about the benefits of chatting with their children on the way to and from school, so they use it as a fixed process and strictly enforce it every day.
However, we are not sure that you must have done it to chat with your child. Because talking is not the same as chatting, chatting seems to be very casual, but it has a temperature, it is an important button for the emotional connection between people. If a person is just talking to people out of a stylized way, it is probably not a qualified chat.
Communicating with children must be sincere and heartfelt, not forced and utilitarian.
Chat is equal
We should also understand that chatting with children is to enhance the parent-child relationship, not to provide you with a scene to teach your children.
Nowadays, the fast-paced life, adults put their main energy into their careers, and after work, they have to brush their mobile phones, watch live broadcasts, and buy things, leaving children with time to be further compressed. On this basis, it also tries to achieve "educational purposes", preaching and even reprimanding children.
Chatting should be an equal scene for each other, and there should be no distinction between "superior and inferior" with children, and there should be no reprimand and preaching functions added. In that case, the child will not be able to distinguish when to be serious and when to be relaxed, and will not trust and rely on us.
Never compare yourself to someone else's child
In the eyes of some parents, compared with other people's children, it is a kind of "encouragement" and a kind of "whipping". As everyone knows, this way will only hurt the child again and again, so that the child closes the door of his heart.
Children, like adults, have self-esteem and need the support of their loved ones. As parents, we may often see where children are inferior to others, but remember that no one is perfect, he has flaws and strengths. You don't let him learn from other people's children, but let him become a better version of himself.
Perfunctory dialogue is better than no talk
Sometimes, I pay attention to some parents who don't pay much attention to conversations with their children. For example, when a child describes something with great interest, parents may focus on the content on the phone, or do other things, and say a few perfunctory words: this, good, good, oh, yes...
Don't think that children are "fools" at a young age, they can hear that you are perfunctory to them. If you are really busy, just tell your child, "I'll do this first and then listen to you slowly", don't think that you can fool your child's eyes with pretend care.
You have to choose to trust your child
What is the basis for a good conversation? Is trust. We can't be open to people we don't trust, and so can children. Some parents do not care about their children's privacy and have to intervene in everything; or they never listen to their children's explanations based on their own subjective judgment.
In such a relationship, the child will reveal less and less to you. Because he knows that you will not listen to his explanations, and he will not respect his secrets, why should he treat you as a good friend?
Don't always flip through old accounts
Sometimes, when a child does something wrong, parents will teach their children bitterly. Remember, even if the child does wrong, do not repeat it over and over again, reason and establish rules must be said to the point, do not always turn over the old account, that is useless for the child's progress.
Learn to accept reality
Many times, when we find that children begin to have their own secrets, or do not do what they say, a sense of loss arises. This loss and anger stems from our fear of things beyond our control.
When communicating with your child, remind yourself to accept the reality that your child is constantly growing up and has a sense of autonomy. Like our own lives, it's impossible for everything to go the way we want it to. Lower your expectations a little and learn to accept different results so that you can chat calmly with your child.
Learn to talk like friends
Some parents will be depressed: Obviously, the reason I have taught is very clear, why can't children listen? Why didn't he understand my hard heart?
Let's think about it from another standpoint: Will your best friend often talk to you about the big truth? No, they tend to empathize with you easily, and then use their own experiences and ideas to help you analyze and let you figure it out.
The same goes for kids. No one wants to be preached on their own initiative, and it is difficult for those grandiose-sounding truths to persuade a person who is drilling the horns. If you want to help your child, you may wish to talk to him as a good friend, and use your own personal experience and experience to tell your child the pros and cons, so that your child is more receptive.
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