"Straight man of steel" and "straight male cancer" seem to be very similar, do not understand the mind of girls, can choke girls to death in one sentence, but when it comes to "straight male cancer", people always immediately show an attitude of disgust, eager to avoid it immediately:
When it comes to "steel straight men", everyone's attitude is not only not disgusted, but even many girls want to get the strategy of how to get the steel straight man to hand, and many people share the sweet experience of getting along with the steel straight man.
A high praise knows that the user commented on the "steel straight man": will not say love words, do not understand the mood, do not take pictures and do not dress yourself, these will make you want to spit in minutes in the process of getting along with the steel straight man, and even can't help but spit out the fragrance. But never underestimate the potential of a straight man of steel, and the heart of a man who loves you.
A straight man of steel who doesn't love you is a nuclear weapon, and falling in love is either dead or injured; but a straight man of steel who loves you is a treasure.
What is the difference between steel straight men and straight male cancer? How do girls tell when they interact that each other is a treasure that can be dug up, or a straight male cancer that can be kept away as soon as possible?
"Users" feel really different!
When the girl drew a nude makeup that enhanced her temperament, she ran to her boyfriend and asked him: Do I look good with this makeup?
A straight man of steel might say: Eh? Baby, you put on makeup? It feels like it's pretty much the same as usual.
Straight male cancer may say: What do you do with makeup? Not for us men yet.
Both answers make people feel like they can't pick up the conversation, but the second answer makes people feel even more uncomfortable.
There are many studies that show that we have two basic dimensions when we perceive others, which are warmth and competence.
Obviously, judging from the above two answers, neither of them has the ability to understand the girl's mind and make her feel natural and comfortable in her interaction with the girl.
But the attention of the steel straight man's answer is on the girl, he carefully observes the girl's makeup, although his answer makes you cry and laugh, but you feel the sincerity and warmth;
The attention of the straight male cancer answer is on himself, and he raises his sense of superiority as a man through his response, while also denying the value of girls to a certain extent.
The movie "Jackie of the Daughter Country" satirizes straight male cancer
That is to say, the straight man of steel is clumsy but warm; while the straight man cancer is not only clumsy, but also very cold.
Warmth has a very important influence in interpersonal communication. There is a classic social psychology experiment on "how to form an impression of others", in which the experimenter describes a person to the participant and then asks the subject to form an impression of the person.
One group of participants heard descriptions of the person as: intelligent, dexterous, diligent, enthusiastic, determined, realistic, and cautious.
Another group of participants heard descriptions that were: intelligent, dexterous, diligent, cold, determined, realistic, and cautious.
There is only one word difference between the two groups, that is, enthusiasm and coldness, and you may guess that if only one word is different, then their impression of the person being described should be only a small difference.
However, the results showed that the group that heard the "enthusiastic" had a better impression of the described person than the group that heard the "cold" group.
In the TV series "Ode to Joy", Ying Qin's straight male cancer and virgin complex characteristics
Subsequently, the researchers exchanged the enthusiastic and cold for polite and rude to continue experimenting. However, this time, the difference between the two groups of positive words was not significant.
This shows that traits such as "polite and rude" are only marginal in impression formation, while "enthusiastic and cold" are more central qualities that will play a more important role.
In life we don't break others down into adjectives, but we do have a feeling for others, which may be vague, but determine whether we want to be closer to him or more away from him. And one of the key roles is the "warmth" of the other party.
One day I was so busy late that I wore a day's pants until my feet hurt, but I had to run two more places and complain to my boyfriend that today was terrible, and he thought about it for a while and said, "I don't know how to comfort people." ”
Listening to these words, the cold wind blew on his face, and he said helplessly: "Give me a hug." ”
After a while, he sent a hug expression, a look that was very inconsistent with his straight male style and had never been used, and I replied to him: "I feel warmed to the point." ”
"I've been looking for this expression for a long time."
He is really not good at comforting people, nor does he understand the minds of girls, but he is very sincere, willing to listen to you, and spending time just looking for an expression that makes you happy is more warm than a person who is used to coaxing girls to say more comforting words.
"Straight Man" Treasure Hunting Guide
If you encounter straight male cancer, then it is recommended that you stop the loss in time, they are fundamentally very self-centered, do not admit to not believing in the value of women, no matter how much you pay, it is extremely difficult to get their positive feedback.
And the steel straight man is a treasure to be excavated, since it is a treasure, in the process of excavation, you must have patience and ingenuity, the following suggestions may give you a reference:
(1) When communicating and interacting, the "adult state" is mainly adopted. The adult state is based on real-world conditions and responds to situations around it in response to the here and now. Most of the time, straight men in steel are in communication with the current situation to discuss the matter, will not further speculate whether there is a deeper meaning in the girl's words. At this time, the girl is easy to enter the "parent state", thinking that he "should" understand the meaning that the girl wants to express, and "how" does not respond according to the routine. So communication is prone to disconnection. At this time, girls can also adopt the "adult state" to discuss things, but it is easy to establish a comfortable chat atmosphere.
(2) Out of passive acceptance, we can ask ourselves for the appeasement we want. Appeasement is a way of being recognized, and our culture teaches us that the appeasement we ask for is worthless. But in fact, the appeasement we ask for has the same value as the appeasement that the other party takes the initiative to give us. For example, if you want to be comforted when you are sad, and the other person does not respond to you, or his response is completely different from what you want to get - called low-quality reassurance, then you can refuse this low-quality giving and ask for a sincere reassurance.
(3) Humor is a good medicine to resolve contradictions. Once I had a conflict with my boyfriend, I said that he did not reply to my message several times, he said that he replied every time, this matter is not clear, I was a little angry and ignored him. After a while, he gave me a thumbs up in my circle of friends, and after a while he found another one, and I was trying to make peace with him, and he sent a message "You didn't reply to me when you ××", and the next morning he sent another message "I thought about it carefully, more when you don't reply to me." ”
TV series "The Negotiator"
I saw that it was really angry and laughing, this posture of seeking reconciliation was really steel straight, but I could feel that he came to me to repair the relationship, not to further destroy the relationship, so he said: "I am not happy, you still have a strong force to throw the pot at me." How can I think of a way to give myself a step down, and give you a step down, and not take this pot, I am too difficult. ”
Sincere expression and a little humor not only did not let this contradiction affect our relationship, but also promoted mutual communication.
Variety show "True Heart and Adventure" straight man Wang Gang personally designed a glue portrait for Zhang Man, and the moment the gold powder was splashed, it felt that the girl's heart was deeply hit
Finally, I hope you know that any technique is not a promise of success, put your mind at ease, and put yourself first on the list of loves.
Maybe not every sincerity and openness can be exchanged for the same sincerity and acceptance of the other party, sometimes the stones thrown out do not splash, but sink to the bottom of the lake, which is normal, we want to allow it to happen.
Allow yourself to give and rejoice, and allow yourself to be disappointed and disappointed, but you can still appear in front of him with the most vivid self and full appreciation and respect for the other person.